Whacking dissidents,
The Power grew, haling the proles to
Strive for naught.
<< i'm not sure about the "to" in the 2nd line :alien: >>
Printable View
Whacking dissidents,
The Power grew, haling the proles to
Strive for naught.
<< i'm not sure about the "to" in the 2nd line :alien: >>
If I count correctly, you have 7 syllables at the word "the". But different people pronounce differently.Quote:
Originally Posted by symphony
Strive for naught
Set your sights on nothing, friend--
Never miss target...
never miss target
always madam ballista
silenced with a kiss
Silenced with a kiss
Whelmed by a touch
Embraced by a feeling obscure.
'embraced by' or 'embraced with'? :confused:
I'd lean towards WITH, but then that is me... :)Quote:
Originally Posted by symphony
Your poem is not exactly formatted to haiku (5-7-5 syllable structure), so I will proceed with the first line of your poem:
Silenced with a kiss
the harsh words died a quick death
a fresh beginning
a fresh beginning
deodorized sanitary
binned plastic wrapper
Binned plastic wrapper
sustenance from yesterday
delightful fruit drinks...
Delightful fruit drinks
Shimmering in the sunlight,
Drawing pleasant thoughts.
drawing pleasant thoughts
moonlight upon my paper
shows everything white
Shows everything white
The mountain covered in snow
A glorious scene
a glorious scene
children playing in my fields
among wild flowers
Among wild flowers
A flower grew out of the blue
Which reshaped the world!
Which reshaped the world,
sadly in need of repairs--
what hath man tainted?
What hath man tainted?
Angles' wings spotted with black
Charcoal grey feathers
Charcoal grey feathers
Wings aggressively beating
Against autumn skies