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short - in horseracing the opposite to a furlong i.e. not furlong
'How soon until I find out if my horse won by a nose?'
'Not furlong.'
The above example, to the astute amongst us, makes no sense: welcome to the Sport of Kings - so called because only a king can be guaranteeed to win a king's ransom to afford to wage an unopular war, build an unpopular palace etc and not be bothered about losing the next election
It's no wonder the Romans got rid of their kings
In the vernacular it is a mug's game, and what precisely is a mug? A M.U.G. is a Mathematically Uneducated Gambler (remember this - it cost me money) whom, blinded by the cyclopaedia of statistics before his eyes, will attempt to make a calculated judgement based upon number of races won, weight, handicap, age, sex, and whether the jockey (himself usually a furlong short of a height - it assists the illusion) is married, has kids, owns his own house/horse, the kind of car he drives etc
Going by this wealth of information a mug punter will deposit an entire wage on the mere hope that it will buy him a position of king, which it of course won't, thus perpetuating some strange cycle in which no prophecy is fulfilled
laser beam
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laser beam The High Beam headlights shined in your eyes by an inconsiderate driver on a dark and stormy night
fool
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Fool ~ An illiterate little punk that says "Fooo!!! Foooo!!!"
Candy!!!
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Candy- Girl I met once.
Breath
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Breath - an expanse, wider than it is deep, and also something to sing about, see niffle
Hairy Hippy
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Hairy Hippy - the embryonic stage, assuming it survives, of the raging conservative defender of tomorrow's Establishment. This has lead scientists to hypothesise a connection between hair loss and, say, an attraction to Church Fetes and Conservative clubs, but as yet no proof has been found.
Lemon
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lemon - cowardly lime, one that has graduated from its green days, and adopted the colouring of the fraidy cat, whom having already been bitter about its early lot has settled on being sour for the remainder
teasmaid
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teasmaid To taunt the lady who does your laundry
Lawyer
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lawyer - someone versed in loopholes. The common variety of criminal lawyer possesses an appropriate adjective, and will get you off a charge of murder unless his personal reputation is at stake - and a good one, though rare, everyone else seems to know
judge
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Judge - A much despised person who deserves the scorn he delivers in office, and then goes home to be human.
Panic
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Panic The point at which you realize that the prosecuting attorney is in fact the Judge's son, and regardless of your guilt your goose is totally cooked
defense
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defense - not the place to sit after hearing all the evidence against you - too bad if you committed the offense in your sleep or under the Devil's influence
Exhibit B
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Exhibit B The second in line of odd and unusual evidence provided by either lawyer in a court case that is supposed to be relevant to the matter at hand but is really there to confuse the Jury under the assumption that confused people make errors in judgment which the lawyer presenting the evidence prays falls on his side
Arrest
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ARREST - Something that is made to be bad but is actually good because it is...FREEDOM!!!
Monday!!!
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Monday- Once a feared but compulsory holiday, Monday (short for Monarch Day) is celebrated weekly in modern times. It is still dreaded and feared by all. Employed hate it because they must return to dreadful work and the unemployed hate it because it reminds them that they have no job to dread.
Grasshopper
