Contrite: One's usual facial expression when one sits down to eat crow.
Easy
Printable View
Contrite: One's usual facial expression when one sits down to eat crow.
Easy
Easy: How some boys see certain girls until one of them gets pregnant. The opposite is “hard” which is best illustrated by the following story:
Three nuns died and met Saint Peter at the gates. He said new regulations required him to ask each of them a question before they could get in. He asked the first one, the smartest of the group, “What was the name of the first man?” She said, “Oh! That’s an easy one. His name was Adam!” Bells rang. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in. He asked the second one who wasn’t quite as smart as the first one, but smarter than the third, “What was the name of the first woman?” She said, “Oh! That’s an easy one. Her name was Eve!” Bells ran. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in. Finally Saint Peter looked at the third one and asked, “What’s the first thing Eve said to Adam?” The third one started to sweat and finally complained, “Oh! That’s a hard one.” Bells ran. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in.
Saint Peter:
Saint Peter: Symbolic Gate keeper of Paradise, despite no such designation in the Bible or other books of that era. His name was actually Simon, but Jesus named him Petra, a little stone. The rock Christ builds His church upon is not Peter the man, but the revelation of who Jesus was that Peter proclaimed.
Angelic:
Angelic: Like an angel. What little devils under ten look like.
Sentimental
Sentimental: Value that has nothing to do with price
Leech:
Leech: 1960s flower-child singer of "Atlantis," "Sunshine Superman," and "Catch the Wind."
Curvaceous
Curvaceous: Ancient word meaning "sexy"
Fallout:
Fallout: What happens to a two-some, or couple, when the faithful party realizes that they have been for some time a three-some.
Fireworks:
Fireworks: 1 China's gift to the Fourth of July 2) What happens when fallout takes place. (see Fallout)
YesNo, that joke is older than my esteemed posterior, which, I can tell you, is pretty darned old. Normally, therefore, I would petition the courts to have you tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered, and pilloried, before being punished. Luckily for you, though, it is a naughty joke you make, featuring a naked babe alluding, albeit fleetingly, to an upright and, one assumes, adamantine knob, and so I am willing to grant you a reprieve. Just don't let it happen again. At least, not unless there are pictures.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
I was going to say fireworks is what happens when the third party is asked to join the couple, but well done and all. ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
(NB: The following joke contains material that some women may find offensive; it is not intended to be, but I ain't one for political correctness so cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war, or possibly some pent up gas...) In my experience, curvaceous is a word fat women use to describe their figures in online personal ads. See also Rubenesque. <bow, curtsy, throw me a fish>Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Moving on...
Luck:
Oh, yes. It is quite old, but always worth retelling if one can risk it. Given Sir Mix-a-Lot's "I Like Big Butts" and Meghan Trainor's more recent "All About That Bass", curvaceous, if it hasn't always been, is the new sexy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyrion Cheddar
Luck: An unexpected windfall or punishment that you unwittingly set yourself up for. For example, if you are the prince of a castle and an old woman knocks on your door in the evening asking to spend the night in exchange for a single rose, the smart move is to let her in.
Boon:
See, this is how Gilgamesh started.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Boon: Noob spelled backward (to get the satanic messages).Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Convex
Convex: The opposite of concave, referring to a curve out or a curve in. Likely baseball terminology. Ex: Coach "Lefty, get warming up. That loser on the mound has such a convex curve he's going to walk us to a loss!"
Manifest Destiny:
Manifest Destiny: a kind of fortune telling practiced by the best armed.
Igloo
Igloo: A hobbit house in the snow
Polar Bear
A bear whose highs are high and whose lows are low. See bipolar bear.
Brontosaurus
Brontosaurus: A four-legged, vegan dinosaur with a long tail that devolved into the modern dog. If that sounds like unfair karma, recall what happened to its “I’ll-eat-anything” cousin, the tyrannosaurus, who had only two legs and devolved into the chicken.
Edible:
Edible: Let's make this clear: Edible doesn't mean "good to eat". It means you won't do a faceplant on your plate because you ate it. Similar to this is the food word "choice." Choice also doesn't mean good to eat. It means if you feed it to an unsuspecting friend they won't chase you through the house with a steak knife. At least according to Outdoor Humorist Patrick K McManus
Taste:
Or its ancestral second cousin, the Dimetrodon, which evolved into you and me! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Taste: the reason cannibals prefer those with degrees in literary criticism.
Antiquated
Dimetrodon does explain the weight range of some of my relatives.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pompey Bum
Antiquated: A version of reality that was obviously true not too long ago.
Cannibal:
Cannibal: worst dinner date ever.
Thunder
Cannibal: One to whom having friends for dinner takes a very sinister meaning...
Thunder: The sound of raindrops rubbing together
Lightning:
It's not God farting?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Electrons trying to act like they're really cool or something.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Wild turkey
Wild Turkey: What a turkey sandwich left in the back of the frig for eons of time evolves into.
Science Experiment:
Science Experiment: 1)Trying by means that can be precisely measure and under stringent conditions to prove something that one believes could happen in agreement to the laws of nature 2) How science teachers punish their students annually at the science fair
Supposition:
Supposition: The correct placement of a suppository.
Follicle
Follicle: a foolish little icicle.
Hair transplant
Hair Transplant: To move hair from where you don't want it, say underarms, to where you do want it, on your head. Because nothing is as sexy as clumps of smelly armpit hair sticking up like hog bristles on one's head.
Face Lift:
Face Lift: Standing up
Hangnail
Hangnail: What is used to put pictures on the wall
Duct Tape
Duct Tape: The only proven way to shut a duck up.
When columbine droops blooms in spring,
Then little Willie loves to sing.
So harsh and wintry is his voice
That duct tape is our only choice.
Swan:
Swan: An elegant and snobbish goose
Ballet
Ballet: an elegant and snobbish bump and grind.
Tango
Tango: Milltary speak for the letter T
Waltz
Tango: sex before reliable birth control.
Waltz: dating before the drive-in was invented.
Jitterbug?
Jitterbug: Well, we have June Bugs here which are actually 17 year locusts. So a Jitterbug would be an intoxicated June Bug.
Moth:
Moth: Nocturnal butterfly
Dragonfly