Thanks for the two initial entries! Keep 'em comin'!
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Thanks for the two initial entries! Keep 'em comin'!
The Music of Love
Let us fall forever in the twilight,
hands clasped, my eyes upon the Northern star,
I'll listen to your music on hot summer nights.
Let us fall forever
Dreaming of worlds somewhere afar
you watch my face caught in the moon light,
your fingers will strum cords of love on a guitar.
Drawing your warmth around me in delight,
if only these moments could be bottled in a jar,
sweetly your tender melodies take flight.
Let us fall forever
The Play Fight.
A need is desire with a time limit
Hold it tight against your chest. Keep the fire
lit, that wiry bit, a still, silent fit.
A need is desire
Bright eyes set, lined, the mascara 'd crier
some slight against obsessed, made quick to quit
by the spinning sonnets of a liar.
The winding wounds we weave with lines of spit
words, heal; More venom cures the poison's ire.
Brevity more real than the argument
A need is desire.
The complexity of the thought in this somewhat eludes me after just one reading, but there's no way to overlook your technical virtuosity. Bravo.
Picking a winner for this "round" is going to be difficult, as they're all gems --
Nevertheless, let's get some more "hitters and ducks on the pond," to use a couple of bb clichés.
Entries may be posted through this Monday, May 10. Maybe some LitNetters will make this task even more difficult!
Consequences
My heart is pure, the maiden cried whilst running through the dell.
You shall not have your way with me unless I can be caught
But taking care to keep ahead, she did not run too well
For both desired but never gave the consequence much thought.
A tantalising promise of the union they both sought,
She slowed and let him catch her, surrendered all and fell
Their union in the womb of wood, in secret then was wrought.
But her father was not happy when her belly now did swell
Which indicated plainly what such sinful pleasure bought.
With shotgun and a priest her father youth’s rebellion quelled,
For both desired but never gave the consequence much thought.
Thanks for all of the entries so far. This leg of the contest will remain open for the rest of today and this evening. The "lucky" winner will be announced soon.
All righty then! The time to choose the winning roundel has finally come well, " 'round."
The roundel is, if not inherently difficult, an unfamiliar form to many of us. Yet ALL of the five entries fulfilled the criteria of this particular form admirably.(cf. Reply # above.) The other stipulation-- that the topic be "cheerful" was also more or less followed, but I must say that I'm surprised how the entire quintet chose "love," which, as a topic isn't always inherently cheerful. But that's a discussion for another day. For now, let's take a look at these fine entries.
Pendragon's piece is "Love Song," with "Remembrance of who we are" as the refrain. My favorite lines in this particular piece are lines 9 and 10:
Until the burnout of eternity and time
Two hearts bound together who do not wish to be free
Not only do they throw the reader a little curve ball, they
also recall Ira Gershwin's "Our Love is Here to Stay": "the Rockies may crumble/Gilbralter may tumble." I may have the crumble and tumble reversed, but in any event, nice work, Pen.
Speaking of music, Dark Muse said she doubted that she could write about a "cheerful" theme, but "The Music of Love" proves her wrong. The sounds in her poem live up to its name, and her lovely refrain demonstrates how lovers should keep their initial attraction alive and vibrant: "Let us fall forever."
And still speaking of music, Hillwalker 's "Vive La Difference" presents the Francophile's version of "California Girls" by the Beach Boys. With the poem's bi-lingual wit playing with the oft-cited "Oooh-la-la" expression and even some of the rhymes are French words: "passe,"
"magnifique."
There's much romantic tension in Krysomkyng's entry, but the title,"The Play Fight," keeps it from straying too far from the "cheerful" topic. The impressive opening line: "A need is desire with a time limit" is thought-provoking, as is the most expressive phrase in this highly-charged piece: "the spinning sonnets of a liar."
The old and the new kinds of love are evoked in the final
piece, "Consequences" by Hawkman. On the one hand we have the traditions of Puritanical-- if not medieval --morality contrasted with the urgency of young love "in the womb of wood." Methinks the weight shifts toward the former -- with the "consequences" of a "swollen belly" and the inevitable "shotgun wedding." I'll forgive you for wrenching the syllables in line 10, Hawkman, because the line begins with the phrase "with shotgun and a priest." This is a poetic device made famous by Alexander Pope: "sometimes counsel takes and sometimes tea." So you deserve a special award for being the first LitNutter (to my knowledge) to use a zeugma effectively. And by the bye, even your entry is reminiscent of a song: "Ballad of the Shape of Things" by The Kingston Trio.
Man oh man, with all my heart I wish I could declare every one of these five entries the winner. That's how much I enjoyed reading them. But, alas, there can be only one.
And so, congratulations to everyone, but especially Krymsonkyng. Please select the next poetry form.
Thanks AuntyS for your je ne sais quoi - no seriously, your kind comments much appreciated. And your musical taste (Beach Boys/Kingston Trio) is as commendable as it is varied!
And Krymson, a very worthy winner. From the opening line - a masterpiece of economy.
Well done.
Thank you kindly everyone who participated, and thank you AuntShecky and Hillwalker especially for such kind words! Such a fun form, and so many great poems...
The next challenge should play off of AuntShecky's wonderful commentary. The most effective use of zeugma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeugma) within a seven line piece, any rhyme scheme, will take the cake.
How does June 1st sound for a deadline?
Ready? Set!?! Go!!!
Faced with problems, hurt, and pain
Drowned by sorrow and cold pelting rain
Both sorrow and happiness mixed in a refrain
Not knowing if up is down, down up perhaps
Moments and hours that so quickly fade and pass
Crying both "Huzzah!" and "Alas"
I took my coat and my leave
Pendragon
A great first entry! I like how you took advantage of the freedom with this round's form and hit zeugma after zeugma.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Keep 'em coming folks!
A honky-tonk woman with bile-bearing lips
Was propping the bar in the ‘Whistling Nun’.
I should have just taken one look then my leave
But she noticed me staring - drew breath then a gun.
She asked for my name and a light; I gave both
As she sank her last shot of tequila then down to the floor in a heap.
I was given no choice but to leave in a rush and the next train from town.
*aka Mick Jagger and Keith Richards who co-wrote ‘Honky-Tonk Women’ and probably the very first zeugma (?) I ever heard :
“she blew my nose and then she blew my mind…..”
Thank you Hillwalker for your excellent poem!
We're almost out of time... I'm beginning to think such a simple form was too little to ask. Come on folks, let's see some entries!
On a side note, I will be unable to judge until the third, as I'll be on an airplane for most of the 1st and 2nd... Sorry.
Your wish of being used, mechanical pleasure,
In a sense owned, by many, all the same,
A pleasure bound by leather, handcuffs and fire
The way of your dreams I could not comprehend,
As though you showed the world entire,
Again and again, you leapt through the frame
Of sanity and pain, through your sadness was satisfaction.