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pets - (may also be spelt 'pests') greedy, selfish, lazy, self-important, messy, unappreciative and expensive stomachs on legs (or on bellies, or with fins)
Occasionally referred to as 'spouses' or, more frequently, 'ex-spouses'
An accident that the expression 'pet-hate' was coined? I think not
'This pet rock is the best pet I've ever had because it possesses none of the qualities I've come to associate with you...'
Singularity
Singularity Of or dealing with something so mundane that grants are government issued for the study thereof, such as cattle flatulence
Robbery
robbery - (deriv: rubbery, therefore bendable or stretchable) To bend the rules for financial or prestigial gain, and thence to stretch the truth on your day in court
Scotch Finger Biscuits
Scotch Finger Biscuits Pretentious name given to dry and tasteless biscuits served only when nothing better is available, often with weak and foul smelling tea
Imagination
Imagination - A rare quality and a scarce commodity, though not widely prized nor sought - when an individual displays evidence of being in possession of one they are shunned by general society, and can expect criticism from special society
An imagination in the wrong hands can be a powerful tool for change
Analogue
analogue a person who is afraid of using new technological devices
digital
digital - modern word meaning "dig it all" used by people who buy all the latest gadgetry and hence are "digital" people.
frustration
frustration - a word first appearing during the second world war during which food was in very short supply so that staples like eggs, milk, butter, bread and sugar were doled out in such meagre amounts they were hardly worth considering
Recipients would frust these mediocre rations back at the purveyor in disgust
Grand piano
Grand piano (n)- A piano worth one thousand other pianos. The compound word derives from the word 'grand' being synonymous with 'a thousand'. This is also the typically the going rate for grand pianos in today's market.
Buckskin
Buckskin - typographical error commonly found in amateur pornograpy. Compare the synonym boreskin; also see banny, brotteur and bellatio.
Cannibal
cannibal - pidgin Franglish (South Sea Islands) derived from 'cannonball' a favoured method of tenderising human flesh before bicapitation, skinning and boiling alive (served with yams and coconut cream, it apparently tastes like chicken, and the bones are good for toothpicks and piercing noses)
pornography
Pornography Despite being the most popular form of entertainment available on the Web, pornography is so notoriously difficult to define that many resort to a kind of meta-definition most famously expressed as follows:
I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description ["hard-core pornography"]; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it...
Justice Potter Stewart, concurring opinion in Jacobellis v. Ohio 378 U.S. 184 (1964)
Those of us less confident than Justice Stewart in our ability to recognise pornography when we see it should probably resolve to keep practising until we get it right.
Erotica
Erotica - Infamous third symphony of Ludwik van Beathogen R.I.P. featuring breakthrough rhythmic changes, introduction of the timpani for use as percussion, and an exotic new instrument resembling the kazoo in both sonic quality and performance options
The original intention of dedicating it to the mistress of (briefly) French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, Josephine, was abruptly altered upon discovering the portrait he'd fallen in love with belonged not to her but her maidservant, while Josephine herself he diarised as owning 'a pair of legs you could hang the washing on, hair of golden spaghetti, eyes like two pissholes in the snow, and a complexion as bright and pure as the surface of the moon' - so the maidservant it was!
licorice allsorts
licorice allsorts One of the many reasons that the world as a whole consists of overweight people
Diet
diet - what to do with a favorite piece of clothing which unfortunately was originally white but accidentally got mixed with a pair of non-fast red cotton socks
socks