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Hi haunted
You do so love your cats. Seeing as you mention new years eve I am hoping this is not a new loss. I particularly like your imagery in 'outside
storm has moved out
just soft feathery residual flakes'
Good to read some new haunted material, as always
jerry
This was very touching, Haunted. Not the kind of poem one associates with New Year's Eve - and you make the loss seem so visceral that no one who reads this can fail to feel some emotional blip on their radar.
H
Jerry, this one is two years ago. Skippy left a year before Apricot ("green eyes").
Thanks Hill for the comment. Yeah, those New Year's eve party days are so over for me.
The last stanza is particularly heart breaking Haunted.Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
Thank you Delta.
I was very touched by that poem. As my dog is currently very sick, it made me relive all those horrible moments I've passed these last days.
Just one thing, in the last stanza, "caringly he took / her tiny emaciated body", shouldn't that rather read "caringly he takes..."? I ask because the rest of the poem is written in present tense... Best to you from another animal lover.
It's a lovely poem but a sad thought. It's nice to think of the happiness you must have had with her.
Dieter I'm sorry to hear your dog isn't well and I just hope this poem is more of a catharsis than an unpleasant experience for you.
As for switching to past tense in the last stanza, that is intentional. I usually use present tense for narratives but the last stanza is more than that, it's an emotional event that cannot be undone or unfelt. It just feels right that it's in past tense as something that already happened in the past and the action is irreversible.
Thanks Nik. She was aloof but in her final days we became very close and I will forever cherish those moments.
A Short Collection of Trashy Poems
introduction
D22 westbound
Victoria’s other secret
paper chase
love story
forcast
penitentiary
overnight snow
the little dancer
his green eyes
September 2nd
existence
dinner date
don't take my baby
car talk
Google Earth
dead on
postmarked 1948
My name is Jane
all I ever want for Christmas
hazardous driving
fashionably speaking
car talk
if you think I’m sweet
so is antifreeze
if you take me out for a drive
consider yourself warned:
I have no brakes
Fine, so long as he or she doesn't reach for the clutch!Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
Enigmatic but amusing poem.
Who needs breaks?
This one is not like your others. Very ineteresting my dear.
xo
thanks Mary, I thought it would be nice to take a vacation from the death and destruction themes for something entertaining. But I promise, macabre will be back....
Thanks for your comment Prince. No worries, she only drives automatic. And aren't women as a whole an enigmatic species?Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin
I like the comparison to anti-freeze. I thought the other line said 'Consider yourself warmed' so it was nice to be thrown off balance.
Thanks Delta, pleased that it threw you off balance with my attempt at a tough talking love poem.
You once commented, in your self depreciating way, that all your poems are similar, so it is good, yet again, to see you prove yourself wrong :) A car/woman analogy is an original thought and you made your woman dangerous to know, so therefore instantly attractive to all us silly men, who love the very idea of no brakes.
cheers
JerryB
Dangerous is good in the haunted world. So glad you like it Jerry.
Google Earth
between the Atlantic
and the Pacific
+
between Blue Ridge Mountains
and the Rockies
+
between thick groves
and desert dunes
+
between Interstate 540
and County 83
+
between a curvy driveway
and an odd shaped pond
+
between open french doors
and a puckered headboard
+
between your arms
and your voice
+
between a gasp
and a long sigh
+
there lies the heartland
where I long to be
One can dream I suppose.
Your last post before this poem seeked danger, this one seeks comfort love and warmth. It is where all thrill seekers seceretly long to be and you expressed it beautifully. I hope you find it in the most unexpected of places.
Oh I love Google Earth. The broad concept right down to the precise location of where you wish to be Haunted. How wonderful! I fear I miss your poems on this thread and I am sorry if I do!
Thanks Mary, dreams are yet the best place to be.
Very perceptive, Jerry. I do like to mix things up.
Delta, so glad you discovered it finally, thanks for your lovely comment!
I'm going to try and copy this one day!
Oh! This just got better and better as we zoomed right in! I could practically see the pair of jeans that you had carelessly let fall to the floor before you got into bed!
LOL Delta, I"ll trade for one of yours
Thanks Prince :)
Haunted - you know already how much I loved this one of yours. A masterpiece.
H
I really enjoyed Car Talk which, though light and jaunty, has bite. Google Earth too is a sound poem but I'm not crazy about the little grave markers between the strophes :D
Live and be well. H
Hill, I'm so relieved, I was afraid you might change your mind. Thanks again!
Hawk, so glad you liked Car Talk. I left out the catalytic converter...I'll save it for Car Talk the Sequel. Grave markers? I kinda like that, LOL. Thanks so much for your comments :)
Thanks to JerryBaldly I went back and looked for this, which I had missed before. The seeming spontaneity of it, the sense that every breath in it comes from a living, feeling soul is very, very moving, butQuote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
I must say I want to, I do, resist the despondency of that last line. True, I was somewhat prepared for it by
let’s give me your best acting
pretend you love me more than you love her
but it came more harshly than - in my naivete? - I was prepared for. Nevertheless, it all hangs together so well!
Prince, by harsh you mean the glorifying of suffering / an effed-up ending? I take it as a compliment. ;)
oh, it also sounds like I got myself an official promoter of this poem, right Jerry? :D
oh I adore the story concept of Love Story! you executed this particularly well as I was lulled into the facade of real romance only to find otherwise.
Thanks Delta for the comment, you made my night!
I didn't feel that you were glorifying suffering but that the ending reflected a harsher or more despondent view of the situation than the poem had prepared me for. We had just that one revelation of what the pretending might be intended to cover up - her lover prefers someone other than her - and splat!Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
Word on the street is that Jerry is not only gaga for this poem but that he's a fan of your others as well.
Love "Google Earth," Haunted. You're very good at a seemingly breezy style, then you end with a kicker, either shocking or sweet.
I am so glad your poem was "quoted" cuz I was not here when it was written and Haunted...it is a stunner! Not so much in the ending, as it seems to me romances especially those of that era always had a tragic ending.
The year 1948 was a leap year and it just so happened that on 29 September 1948 Laurence Olivier's Hamlet opened in the United States.
Yes you are Haunted in an extraordinary way!
Kittypaws
Not to worry Prince, it's a soft splat :p
Qim, thanks for gracing the thread with your comment, it means a ton.
Wow Kittypaws, you know some neat trivia! Thanks too for the kind comments.
'Love story' is finding a new life. That makes me :)
Must be the magic of 1948 ;)
dead on
last I saw mom
in the morgue
her eyes were shut
she doesn’t want to see
the man she married
ever again
when my father passed
his eyes were open
still trying to figure out
where it all went wrong
growing up
a psychic saw me and said
kid your eyes...they don't match
your mom and dad
fight all the time, yes?
creepy!
I love the meaning you attach to closed eyes and open eyes in death and the implication of your own outlook being skewed both ways. Well done Haunted.