Thanks. On my way to make changes. :p Thanks Delta and Max. :D
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Thanks. On my way to make changes. :p Thanks Delta and Max. :D
Welcome http://smiles.kolobok.us/personal/hi.gif and anxious to spot the changes, if there are any, or whatever... just anxious to read... something :p
So I did some revisions. Does it sound better or worse?
Clipped Wings
Spiraling, spiraling down
screaming and yelling without a sound
hard to lift up what's pushed down
not a hint of confidence, not a ounce or pound
my wings are cut down
and I'm falling to the lowest pit profound.
I see my demise
filled with hopelessness and cries
how am I supposed to find a new road,
when buried benaeth this heavy load
Severed wings won't help me fly above
and see what's needed to be done,
so I plummet out of control,
not able to protect my soul.
my end is near.
In my humble opinion, this version sounds more elaborated, hence more poetic. I think so :nod: :hurray:
I like the way you have used some words repeatedly. They sound good to ear. The title reflects the theme of hopeless surrender quite well. Keep writing.
Best wishes. :)
Yay! :D Thank you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maximilianus
Aw, I thank you so much!Quote:
Originally Posted by aliengirl
SHOULD I WORRY?
Lost in thought
Not for naught,
He's on my mind
Is his love out of line?
Are his actions worthy?
Should I worry?
Flattered I am,
A respectable man.
Am I wrong for wond'rin
whether he's full of sin?
Or if his words are worthy,
And It's wrong that I worry
Sounds as nice as can be
Sad am I, he comforts me.
when anger rages,
the emotion, he purges.
Am I wrong to worry,
Are his words worthy?
A chance should be given,
for his feelings to be proven
I'm afraid it'll go wrong
and I was right all along.
Should I worry?
Is he worthy?
No dear, not at all. But frankly speaking you can't help it. The more we are uncertain about something the more we worry, moving like a pendulum between happy and horrible thoughts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
Give him a chance to prove. He must have some special quality which attracted you. Just wait to discover more. Anyway, lucky guy.Quote:
Is he worthy?
A nice little jot on the whole. :nod:
Thank you for the comment and advice. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by aliengirl
And yes, he is special.
We never finish to know anyone, since everyone has some surprise under the sleeve that makes us start the assessment all over again. Like Forrest Gump stated, "life is a box of chocolate. You never know what you're gonna get".
I needn't say it's yet another beautiful piece of writing, right? :)
You don't have to, but it's always good to hear. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Maximilianus
In that case I'll just say it. It's yet another beautiful piece of writing :nod:
:lol: Thank you! I never get tired of hearing that. :p
Ahem... I noticed :p
:lol:
I look around lately, at all that happens around me, and even myself, and I realized a few things. I came up with this poem, but I can't seem to name it.
It never ceases to amaze me,
The fragility,
Of friends connecting
And love collecting
It never fails to amaze me,
The strong bond breaking,
Best friends parting,
The meaning leaving,
And yet we don't stop,
We grasp a lot,
Our feeling, not for naught,
As we look for what sought.
Companionship,
Kinship,
Friendship,
Fellowship
And understanding of ourselves.
You may consider to name it "I'm so amazed because I look around excessively." :p
Hehe. Kinda long...how does "Trying to Understand" sound? Does it match the poem?
Affirmative :thumbsup:
Awesome! ok. I'm gonna post it with the name now. :D
Trying to Understand
It never ceases to amaze me,
The fragility,
Of friends connecting
And love collecting
It never fails to amaze me,
The strong bond breaking,
Best friends parting,
The meaning leaving,
And yet we don't stop,
We grasp a lot,
Our feeling, not for naught,
As we look for what sought.
Companionship,
Kinship,
Friendship,
Fellowship
cool happy face!
I'm gonna jot down a quickie now...
Giving thanks
for the life around me
I see love
all around me
from the family
who's always by my side,
to my friends
who in my heart always abide
I give thanks
for not being lonely,
for always having someone
who's thinking of me.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone(even if yo don't celebrate) :D
A very beautifull sentiment, and beautifully expressed :)
tank u!
Live laugh or love,
no matter if you're above
or below
don't say no,
just smile
endure for a while
and embrace living
and be happy.
Your poem expresses a very nice sentiment, Beaut. Even when...
never fails to elicit trouble for me http://smilys.net/nachdenkliche_smilies/smiley1943.gif http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/dntknw.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
:lol: Aw. Just hang in there. I promise you'll have some ups....I just can't say your downs will disappear. Hey, our ups and downs are the roller-coaster of life! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Maximilianus
I think I know what you mean by roller-coaster. My guts feel the ups and downs quite often, very much like the following yellow fellows' guts:Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/...ntana_rusa.gif
:lol: Yep.. Very much!
Never once thought
I'd be free from the love I sought
Never once tried to
that one feeling lose
Never once wanted
to be from love instead
But I live right now,
with friends allowed,
but not needing the comfort of your embrace.
How bad I skipped this poem, Beaut :( I'm truly sorry. With all the university tasks coming from everywhere I neglected this thread unintentionally :(
I think I understand what it means. This afternoon I was listening to a song that reminded me of this poem. I feel they somehow match each other: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGIrE...eature=related
I apologize, though I don't think I have an excuse :(
never thought, never tried, never sought, never wanted... made me think of life just happening regardless, as it does. I therefore missed this too.
I can agree with that... life happening regardless.
Oh, what a lovely melody. So sad, yet I like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maximilianus
Well said in a simple way. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy
I'm glad you both read it though! :p It was so long ago that I posted this, huh? I can't blame you.
I wanted to be the last one
I wanted to be the one that won.
But I couldn't understand you right,
And still I wondered if you lied.
I thought it didn't make a difference
and from that day since,
I thought I could leave you behind
and let another guy n my sight.
But here I stand
After how much I've ran
finding out where my heart has been
Even after the year we'd been separated
And certain of one thing too...
I love you.
Two fragments from a certain song that might serve as a reply to the above piece:
I watched the clouds drifting away,
Still the sun can't warm my face.
I know it was destined to go wrong.
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away.
(...)
You gave up the fight,
You left me behind.
All that's done's forgiven.
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside.
All that's done's forgiven.
(...)
http://smilys.net/winter_smilies/smiley1851.gif
Aw. Sad....hey, what song is that, if I may ask?
Time and time again,
through pain and sadness
time and time again
yes, I've been put through the test,
Time and time again,
I looked away
And time and time again,
I thought of you the whole day,
Over and over,
I found myself falling
Over and over,
Of my love, I kept lying
over and over,
I could smile
cuz over and over,
I thought of you all the while
And although you're gone,
I'll never see you again,
It won't be long
That I'll smile again.
Okay...so probably one of the crappiest jot down's in my short history...but I can't be sad right now. I just keep smiling because I'm so happy. :D
Forgiven, by Within TemptationQuote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
There might be better sound quality versions on Youtube. The above video is from the Black Symphony concert of 2008... better sound on DVD, of course, but yes, it's indeed among their saddest songs. A song about life itself :(
http://smilies-gifs.com/amarillos/7amarillos.gif http://www.smileyshut.com/Respect/respect-062.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull
I don't think you've ever written a piece of crap http://smiles.kolobok.us/artists/jus..._shakehead.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Beautifull