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Pet congrats! awesome poem...it was beautiful reflection of the pix
thank you adio for taking the time to review our poems...great choice!..i thought pet's was an incredible poem too...as always the poems posted were beautifully written and inspiring...can't wait for the next pix....
Wow, thanks Adorero Dio, and thanks for the other kind comments. I'm honored to have my poem chosen from among all these fine compositions.
O.K., will go off and hunt for a good picture now and post again shortly.
I enjoyed all of the poems also. Congratulations Petrarch! :thumbs_upQuote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
Interesting. I'd like to be informed when the next picture is posted.
And here's the picture for the next round. The deadline for entries will be August 19th. Good luck to all of our prolific poets. :)
http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e3...D/dlandair.jpg
Somehow I got here.
Even Legends Change
I rode high on the winds on the back of my dragon, doing about 40 knots,
When we passed over that fabled fairy Land of Oz, I’d know it by heart.
But the burning deserts that surround that legendary word are now parking lots…
From my vantage point above I could see Emerald City, such a wonderful spot!
The Yellow Brick Road must have given way to new pavement; not on my chart!
I rode high on the winds on the back of my dragon, doing about 40 knots,
Were those The Woogle-Bug Collage and The Wizard Laboratory, those tiny dots?
I hear Professor HM and The Wizard have invented little pills that make one smart!
But the burning deserts that surround that legendary word are now parking lots…
I saw some sort of a track down in Quadling Country around The Hammerheads rocks,
And I wonder that Glinda the Good would allow such a thing to take place, did she depart?
I rode high on the winds on the back of my dragon, doing about 40 knots,
Then I was hailed from the side by The Yellow Knight astride The Parrotox,
“I say there, Sir Pendragon, if thou wilt but follow me, ‘tis needed at the palace thou art.”
But the burning deserts that surround that legendary word are now parking lots…
And Ozma was there to meet with all of my old friends from the tales from my box,
“Well,” Said the Princess. “Give the people what they want, and those deserts weren’t smart!”
I rode high on the winds on the back of my dragon, doing about 40 knots,
But the burning deserts that surround that legendary word are now parking lots…
Pendragon
© 7/27/2007
A day at the amusement park
I walk through this park, this park of lies.
I scold the man, who “braves” the rides.
I snip at this false sense of nature.
Scoffing at the ignorance of its creatures.
The hypocrisy weighed by the dollar
Wages war on true nature, turns dirt into squallier.
As a “brave” man sits in seats so safe,
His eyes on a nature that sits in his way.
The crowds bored with their constant survival
Ask their great masters for more rides arrival.
The swans who had ate from my hand,
Falls victim to the “Sunder Sand.”
So I sit with a view of these nature-less lies.
They care not the beautiful, but only the rides.
OK here goes.
AMUSEMENT PARK
We ran through the maze of amusements
Having fun for the sake of fun
Taking advantage of all that was new
Awed by what was offered on the midway
Taking our fill of the excitements
Newfound and thrilling all
No concerns for tomorrow
Or what was to come in the days
Of growing up, growing together, growing old
When did it end, this time of only pleasure
Of laughter for laughter’s sake
When did the slow smile of contentment
Take the place of excitement in the moment
The thrill of what was new
Replaced by the slow growing thrill
Of what we have come to know
broken town...
walking thru the puddles of tears
wishing i could wash away her fears
around the town we called home
thru the house we called our own
i walk next door to see mrs. even
and smile as she hands me that tea of heavan
i think back to the smiles she brought
listening to her storys with tab in my arms
i go back home
without her in my arms
i look at this town
without her it doesnt feel like a home
just a normal ordinary place
houses,roads,schools,
couples dancing in the rain
i think back to that kiss
for the first time i realise...im realy alone
no longer does this down bring me bliss
i walk towards the center of the bridge
where we spent so much time together
knowing i wont be missed
i silently whisper i love you
knowing it wont be returned
and the icy water bites at my skin
as your tears bit at my heart
i dont even fight
i just konw that its right
Oh great! I didn't realize we had a new picture. Will have to think about it.
Glad you're going to enter again, Virg. Look forward to reading your entry.
Since I'll be out of town this weekend, I'm extending the deadline by a day from the 19th to Monday the 20th. That still gives you only one more weekend to write, though. Hope to see a few more entries from the talented Lit. Net. poets. :)
I've been playing with this form lately. Here's my entry. Thanks for the extension Petrarch. :)
Quote:
Penetralia
The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
And the wine that one sips is blessed with white light,
The fields spread in rows to distant
Horizons, small clouds shaped as lips,
Ocean spawned, whisper invocations.
The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
With the ardor of youth
He lifts himself up one branch at a time,
And with his eyes all healed he sees
From the top the dark line of the world,
The trees of heaven cast shadows below.
Taken from the sky, the photo
might be anyplace on Garden Earth,
prosperous, sedate, well-ordered.
But there is turmoil somewhere among those
rows of trees, those graceful buildings.
A lie is being told, an act of callous neglect
or the blessed everyday activities
of our sometimes too ordinary lives.
But the watchers are always there,
if not in the sky then casually passing
by an uncurtained window
or at a table across the way from us
in some restaurant, in the seemingly
unoccupied park as we take an evening stroll.
From behind one of those trees
or lying down in the grass, they look up,
take note of us and wonder, Is he
really as contented as he appears to be?
Is she going to be late
for some life or death appointment?
But we are always seen, if not by satellite,
by ‘God,’ then by
our lovers, or our enemies.
And if there were no other, outside eyes
there would still be that someone inside us
watching, watching...
Great to see some new entries. :) Keep 'em coming folks.
Two Worlds
On fairy dust wings I fly, hovering
between make-believe and reality.
What ticklish fun it was
Pretending in the Real World,
masquerading by day
as hummingbird and butterfly,
by night, a firefly,
Playing hide 'n seek in the twinkle lights,
tricky games that made me hide my mouth and giggle.
But oh, it feels so good to be home, to
alight upon the tip top tree,
to wash myself with evening dew,
to cover myself with this leafy blanket,
to dream of my trip to reality.
Tomorrow it is back to the old grind of
sprinkling fairy dust on those who want to fly,
but best of all
to be Real in the Pretend World.
amp, August Twenty, TwoThousandSeven
I think you changed the deadline to the 20th but if I'm too late, that's okay.
Just fine, Ampoule. I met with some harrowing delays on my return anyway, so I'm just now officially closing the contest.
So, for everyone, the contest is now officially closed and I'll finish judging in the next day or so.
*stealth-ly passes Pet an envelop filled with monopoly*
*Upon looks of bemusement on Pet's face, RR raises his index finger and holds it to his lips, suggesting to keep the transaction a secret, then dives into the sea of night*
I love this Virgil
Quote:
Penetralia
The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
And the wine that one sips is blessed with white light,
The fields spread in rows to distant
Horizons, small clouds shaped as lips,
Ocean spawned, whisper invocations.
The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
With the ardor of youth
He lifts himself up one branch at a time,
And with his eyes all healed he sees
From the top the dark line of the world,
The trees of heaven cast shadows below.
"small clouds shaped as lips,ocean spawned, whisper invocations" - inspired.
Damned fine! Oh, damned fine! I've wondered if the many fine poems written & posted here would have been written anyway or if its owing to the inspiration and stimulus of the other excellent poems?Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil
So, I was curious as to what you would all make of this arial shot of Disneyland, and have enjoyed reading over the results. Before announcing a winner, the customary comments:
Pen—As always I love your imagination. The line about the deserts surrounding OZ turned to parking lots was great. Also, big points for going at the villanelle form and really making it work for you. A really creative poem and fun to read.
rabid reader—I thought some of your lines here were really good. For example, the couplet:
Really worked well to convey the lackluster sense of the amusement park that your poem revolves around and gave me a great image and a sense of being there. While there were some gems like this couplet, however, I did feel as though other parts of the poem were a little predictable and heavy handed. For example, the sarcasm about the man who “braves” the rides was fine the first time, but the second time began to feel less like nuanced sarcasm and more like someone complaining. Overall though, good submission. (And yes, though I was sorely tempted, I have returned the monopoly bribe and remain an impartial judge. :lol: ).Quote:
The crowds bored with their constant survival
Ask their great masters for more rides arrival.
Granny 5—I thoroughly enjoyed reading this little gem of a poem. Your very natural flowing style really complemented your reflections on the shift from the joys of youth to the joys of maturity. It’s hard to select a favorite line, but I especially enjoyed the last lines:
Well done.Quote:
The thrill of what was new
Replaced by the slow growing thrill
Of what we have come to know
Stephofthenight—I could really feel the sadness in your poem and what I liked best was the descriptions of the town as seen through the memory of other, happier, times. I wasn’t sure that the poem really described the picture, since it didn’t really talk about seeing the town from above or anything, but still a good entry.
Virgil—An amazing poem. I will confess right off to missing some of its more ambiguous points (who is it whose eyes are “all healed”? This seems so specific that I can’t help but think you have someone specific in mind) but the use of language and the feelings and images that language conjures are top notch. Of course you also get points for exercising a little used word like “penetralia,” which happens to be one of my favorite obscure words.
Prince Myshkin—My favorite lines in this poem were the opening ones, which were a more elegant version of my own thoughts when selecting this picture for the contest:
I liked the idea of zooming in on what may be hidden, both beneath the serene surface of the tree tops and beneath the serene surface of the people we see. The end you built to with “watching, watching…” was wonderful in the way it blended what I see as a sense in our modern age of omnipresent video cameras and crowded cities of being always watched by others, and a trope from old religious poetry (and elsewhere of course) of being always watched within ourselves. A compelling read.Quote:
Taken from the sky, the photo
might be anyplace on Garden Earth,
Ampoule—Do I sense that you recognized the place, and there’s a touch of Tinkerbell here? In any case, I thought your conflation of the two worlds so that the “real” world becomes the place to escape too was quite charming. The last line, “to be real in a pretend world” was my favorite. Fun to read.
Choosing among all these fine submissions was indeed agonizing, and there were a couple in particular that I was hard pressed to choose between, but I've decided that the prize goes to Virgil for this round. His submission was really a wonderful bit of poetry. I reproduce it below:
Have fun picking the next picture Virg.Quote:
Penetralia
The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
And the wine that one sips is blessed with white light,
The fields spread in rows to distant
Horizons, small clouds shaped as lips,
Ocean spawned, whisper invocations.
The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
With the ardor of youth
He lifts himself up one branch at a time,
And with his eyes all healed he sees
From the top the dark line of the world,
The trees of heaven cast shadows below.
Thanks for your comments on my submission and for the often elucidating comments on the others as well.
And my congratulations to Virgil & his fine, fine poem!
Too bad, good put yourself up in a nice hotel on Parkway with that kinda cashola. Thanks for the words though. I agree that the 2 Braves was over doing it, if I were to re-write though I think I would remove the first one. The main subject of the poem though was the contradictory attitudes of amusement parks and especially the people who walk amongst them. They determine their bravery by sitting on perfectly safe rides, while admiring nature, until they are bored with the rides and their safety and demand more rides, which of course means destroying the nature that they claim to enjoy. At least that was the message I was trying to convey.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pet
And congrats Virgil, it wasn't even much of a competition :D
Congratulation Virgil! Good work. Now, what picture have you got for us?
:eek: :eek: Oh my, I didn't honestly think it would win. Thank you Petrarch, R.R., Prince, and Granny. I read several of the poems here and thought several were better than mine. As to the poem, it's one stanza from a larger work I've been trying to write and it struck me that this stanza sort of fit the picture. So I submitted it. I intend to put out the larger poem for comment here as it matures. Each stanza is in a french rondel form (I forget the specific one), where this is a 13 line stanza where the first two lines are repeated as the 6th and 7th lines and then the first line is repeated again as the closing 13th. It's really a cool form where the repeatitions really add an emotional touch. I was inspired to use this form from a French poem called "Pierrot Lunaire" which was also marvelously put to music (in German though) by Arnold Schonberg.
As to the next picture, I will have to look around. I'll get back in a day or so.
congrats virgil, wonderful poem....
Congratulations to Virgil for winning!.......I loved your poem and will be anxious to read the complete masterpiece work. I like the idea of the repetitions and noticed them right away - really emphasises your point.
Good ideas and I particularly liked some of the phrasing.
...and this goes almost without saying, but my highest regards, as well, to all the contestants. Everyone made a wonderful show and wrote some fine poems; I enjoyed reading them. I thought the picture was a particularly difficult one. I like the different angles in which people perceived it.
Glad to hear it's part of a larger work. I'll look forward to seeing the complete oevre.Quote:
Oh my, I didn't honestly think it would win. Thank you Petrarch, R.R., Prince, and Granny. I read several of the poems here and thought several were better than mine. As to the poem, it's one stanza from a larger work I've been trying to write and it struck me that this stanza sort of fit the picture. So I submitted it. I intend to put out the larger poem for comment here as it matures.
Yes, I was quite impressed to see both a villanelle and a rondel submitted to this round. You used the repetitions beautifully. As for Perrot Lunaire, do you read Francais or German, or are there good English translations of the poems in Rondel form? I read them in the French awhile back after first hearing the Schonberg, and remember thinking they were exceedingly odd but striking. There was one, which I don't think Schonberg uses, about le coucher de soleil (sunset) that had an image of a sun "qui ouvre ses veines" ("who opens his veins"--quoting from memory so not exact). Strange but memorable. Can't say that I've ever been able to really like the Schonberg, though I can admire it as an amazing piece of music. Glad the poems are inspiring your to venture rondel writing.Quote:
Each stanza is in a french rondel form (I forget the specific one), where this is a 13 line stanza where the first two lines are repeated as the 6th and 7th lines and then the first line is repeated again as the closing 13th. It's really a cool form where the repeatitions really add an emotional touch. I was inspired to use this form from a French poem called "Pierrot Lunaire" which was also marvelously put to music (in German though) by Arnold Schonberg.
I know. Darn that conscience. :pQuote:
Too bad, good put yourself up in a nice hotel on Parkway with that kinda cashola.
Yes, I think you really got that across in the poem. I was mainly criticising little fine points that I thought might have made a good poem even better. ;)Quote:
Thanks for the words though. I agree that the 2 Braves was over doing it, if I were to re-write though I think I would remove the first one. The main subject of the poem though was the contradictory attitudes of amusement parks and especially the people who walk amongst them. They determine their bravery by sitting on perfectly safe rides, while admiring nature, until they are bored with the rides and their safety and demand more rides, which of course means destroying the nature that they claim to enjoy. At least that was the message I was trying to convey.
Congrats Virgil!
And thank you Petrarch for your kind words. :)
Thank you little wing, Janine, and Ampoule.
OK, I would like comments.Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
No I read a few in English from a book explaining Schonberg's music. Both the music and the poems captured me. I did a quick search and found an English translation of the poetry on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Albert-Girauds.../dp/1931112029. I think I will order it.Quote:
As for Perrot Lunaire, do you read Francais or German, or are there good English translations of the poems in Rondel form? I read them in the French awhile back after first hearing the Schonberg, and remember thinking they were exceedingly odd but striking. There was one, which I don't think Schonberg uses, about le coucher de soleil (sunset) that had an image of a sun "qui ouvre ses veines" ("who opens his veins"--quoting from memory so not exact). Strange but memorable. Can't say that I've ever been able to really like the Schonberg, though I can admire it as an amazing piece of music. Glad the poems are inspiring your to venture rondel writing.
Congratulations Virgil. Aren't you glad to have more time here!
Thanks Mom-H. I am glad.
Hear, hear Virgil. A tip of the barley malt to you on a job well done.
Thank you kindly, Petra, for the kind words about my imagination. Way to go, Virgil, my Wolf-brother! It was a darn good poem!
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...s/Appaluse.gif
congrats virgil, was indeed a wonderfull poem
Thank you Poopy, Pen, and Steph. :)
OK, after some thought I have chosen this as the picture for this next go around. No deadline yet. Think it over. Once we get five or six submissions I'll strat pick a date to close it. Have fun. :)
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/im...ri-Posters.jpg
Congrats Virgil, we have a copy of this piece of art at home! It's near the breakfast table, i shall ponder possible poems in the morning :)