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OK, you asked for it!Quote:
Originally Posted by symphony
Here's one that I didn't write, but it's been a favorite of mine for a long time:
A crusty old whore, named Louise
Had ****-hair that hung to her knees;
So the crabs in her twat
Tied the hair in a knot,
And constructed a flying trapeze!
Here's one of my own devising:
Just a pint of his golden elixir,
And perhaps just a wee bit of mixer,
He'll be ready for sex,
With lingual effects,
'Cause 'is lady just loves when 'e licks 'er!
I'm Patrick O'Shaunessy, lass!
My class you could never surpass:
Whenever I'm fishin',
I'm not just a-wishin',
I catch brobdignagian bass!
This one doesn't have the right meter to be called a limerick, but I like it;
When Willam of Ockham invented his Razor
(For debating his wife, and to daze and amaze 'er),
He gave us a tool,
And an arguing rule
That slices redundancies just like a laser!
We could be accused of being a bit of a mopey bunch here at Lit-net! The site is filled with very beautiful, well written, largely angst-ridden poetry. So I say, enough of that! How about some comedy?
Limericks are easy, generally rude and a good bit of fun. Share a moment of sunshine here, add a limerick, make us laugh!
I'll start with my very poor effort.
There once was a woman from France
who did an incredible dance
her feet flew like flies
confounding the eyes
enchanting us into a trance!
Your turn........
A limerick Bii asks us to write,
Turn aside words that take flight
Do think instead
a few rhymes ahead...
And no need to be so polite!
The soprano, she loved to sing high
But some of the notes made us cry
She'd take a deep breath
And scare us to death
An altos modus operandi?
There was a young lass from England
Who fancied a bit of a fling and,
Being bright-eyed,
She cast her net wide
Calling Come and play ring-around-the-ringland!
A rhymester I am, not a prude,
So, Madam, if I may be crude,
Let’s you and I dally
In some dark alley
Assuming, of course, you’ve the mood?
Why, yes sir, I'm quite in the mood
And I hope I do not appear lewd
But a romp in the hay
Would sure be okay
To deny me would be very rude
He he he, I'm smiling already :)
There once was an old man named Joe
who's wife was incredibly slow
so he slapped her backside
so much that she cried,
and left her cheeks brightly aglow!
A Cockney once said to 'is mate,
"Gor Blimey, d'ya see that bloke's face?
"Looked a bit loike a piggie's arse!"
His bud said "Yer drunk again, auld horse,
'T'aint a winder yer see, but a merryor, fust place!"
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...omKane/Red.gif
Limericks are a lot of fun. I once submitted this Limirick sequence in one of the Picture Poetry Contests, in the original thread. Here it is again. I hope you like it. The original version was a little bawdier, but this is bawdy too.
Quote:
Ballooning Limericks
I
The day for ballooning was here
And Jack brought Jill for a beer
But lines got all tangled
And balloons were all mangled
And Jill thought Jack was a queer.
II
Jack talked Jill into the hoop
He thought he finally got the scoop
Up went the balloon
Jack smelling like a saloon
Jack thinking Jill was a dupe.
III
When high up in the air
Jack made his intentions clear
He swore and was crude
And was exceptionally rude
Decided it was time to be bare.
IV
When Jill blew her gasket
She said that was no mascot
And closing her fist
And swinging her wrist
Pushed Jack right out of the basket.
V
The police got a thrill
When they questioned poor Jill
Of the body they found
With no trousers around
How Jack was found on the hill.
Virgil, I saw this one back in the Picture Poetry contest once, while checking the earlier pages... loved it back then, love it till now. :D
By the way I thought there was already a thread for limericks? Well I guess it fell a bit low lately but I did see another thread for limericks once.
Anyway, limericks are fun to write
Its funny baudy and pretty light
The idea's cool
Long live dear Bii's noodle.
Wonder if this thread can keep me up tonight! *yawn*
well that last thing didnt quite qualify as a limerick now did it?! :(
but well...
Its hard to think of a thing with yawns uproaring
The bed right now seems so warm and welcoming
But once I get up
Mom’ll beat me up
Into a pulp thinking I just quit studying!
:(
Thanks Symph. Glad you liked it. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by symphony