Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

First I have to see the wanton destruction of booze, then Jocky reminds me of the dark day when I bludgeoned the coworker and now he's appointed himself CHM.:cold:


Is it getting dark in here?


Why is the room spinning?

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Originally Posted by papayahed

First I have to see the wanton destruction of booze, then Jocky reminds me of the dark day when I bludgeoned the coworker and now he's appointed himself CHM.:cold:


Is it getting dark in here?


Why is the room spinning?

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And the night is still young. :lol:

"Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."

http://www.democraticwings.com/image...llabouteve.jpg

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Originally Posted by papayahed

"Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."

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"Oh Papayahead, don't lets ask for the moon we have the stars." :D

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Originally Posted by jock y

Important notification

My fellow threadists, Jocky has just appointed himself as C.H.M. or chief high moderator. The new rules are as follows: Anyone not posting about sex, sport, booze, manly pursuits, oh and the odd literary reference is herebye banned from the Blokes Thread. My first official duty was a formal approach to Sheherazade, informing her politely, but firmly that future interference will not be brooked. I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.

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I reckon all that alien probing :eek2: has affected old Jocky, it's awoken his latent Scottish megalomania .

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Originally Posted by jocky

Important notification

My fellow threadists, Jocky has just appointed himself as C.H.M. or chief high moderator. The new rules are as follows: Anyone not posting about sex, sport, booze, manly pursuits, oh and the odd literary reference is herebye banned from the Blokes Thread. My first official duty was a formal approach to Sheherazade, informing her politely, but firmly that future interference will not be brooked. I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.

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The Lone Star state is behind you Jocky!

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I reckon all that alien probing :eek2: has affected old Jocky, it's awoken his latent Scottish megalomania .

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:lol: How dare you call me latent? You can't talk to the chief high moderator in that tone. Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

The Lone Star state is behind you Jocky!

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:lol: Your name is not on the list.

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Originally Posted by papayahed

First I have to see the wanton destruction of booze, then Jocky reminds me of the dark day when I bludgeoned the coworker and now he's appointed himself CHM.:cold:


Is it getting dark in here?


Why is the room spinning?

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Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

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Originally Posted by jocky

:lol: How dare you call me latent? You can't talk to the chief high moderator in that tone. Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.

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I apologise unreservedly, O chief High Moderator, I should have put rampant instead.

By the way, is it your Christmas card list I'm on.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

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Careful Sounds, Wearing leather in a room full of Texans, could be risky. You may end up lassooed and branded.

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Originally Posted by jocky

Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.

... Your name is not on the list.

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Careful Jocky, you best get my name on that thar list; we Texans have been known to secede. You don't want tose the Texas contingient.

By the way, you better check your list and see if Tareq and Michaela Salahi on on it. They might try to crash the party.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

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You'll also want to pick up about ten gallons of hairspray and curlers the size of an oil drum!

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Careful Sounds, Wearing leather in a room full of Texans, could be risky. You may end up lassooed and branded.

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The irons are in the fire as we speak!

:)
Our Jocky, who art in High Lands, "Hallo!-ed" be thy name.
Thy serfs are here.
Thy will be large, e'en not upon a horse.
Protect our mead, thus we are content.
We've no faults, so forgiveness can only be for themselves.
Please, please, please, tempt me, tempt me, tempt me, lord,
for I too wish to fall from my horse.

Amen

Awards ceremony? Hold the phone here people, I think your getting a little ahead of yourselves!!! Just because Jockey made a declaration doesn't mean it is so. It's like the peanut gallery saying they are taking over the Howdy Doody show. Jockey can make the declaration and strut around in his velvet cape and tights but really the producers are still at the helm.


Now, let's talk about prettying up this place. I've been spending more time here recently and think it's time to freshen up a bit.

Go ahead and freshen up Papayahed. Anyone who under-rates introspection won't find anything after they clean up! OOOOhh-that was too harsh I know-my self-inflicted flagellation with wet noodles commences now. Too bad your presence here has made you feel the need to clean up. Men enjoy a little clean dirt?

Another important notification

Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation. This is due to intolerable pressure from fellow moderators ( who shall remain nameless ) who were clearly jealous and couldn't handle firm male management. Oh well its back to flower arranging and knitting for us. I recommend Prendrelemick for the vacant position. Thank you all for your backing during my lengthy spell at the helm. :thumbs_up

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

By the way, you better check your list and see if Tareq and Michaela Salahi on on it. They might try to crash the party.

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I am not so sure about Tareq but that Michaela could gate crash my party anytime. :)

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

:)
Our Jocky, who art in High Lands, "Hallo!-ed" be thy name.
Thy serfs are here.
Thy will be large, e'en not upon a horse.
Protect our mead, thus we are content.
We've no faults, so forgiveness can only be for themselves.
Please, please, please, tempt me, tempt me, tempt me, lord,
for I too wish to fall from my horse.

Amen

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:lol: In the great pantheon of poetry that one is right up there with the best.

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Originally Posted by papayahed

Now, let's talk about prettying up this place. I've been spending more time here recently and think it's time to freshen up a bit.

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" Get thee to a nunnery........We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery " :)

I am far too moderate to be a moderator, and too idle.
Not all those, laid in bed majestical, Can sleep so soundly as the wretched slave,

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I am far too moderate to be a moderator, and too idle.
Not all those, laid in bed majestical, Can sleep so soundly as the wretched slave,

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Aah, a little touch of Harry in the night. A great English victory aided by a Scot's captain. :)

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

Go ahead and freshen up Papayahed. Anyone who under-rates introspection won't find anything after they clean up!

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Dear God who said anything about cleaning up??? I don't clean. A fresh coat of paint and some track lighting would do this place a world of good. And lets get rid of these overstuffed leather recliners and get a settee in here.

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Originally Posted by jocky

Another important notification

Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation. This is due to intolerable pressure from fellow moderators ( who shall remain nameless ) who were clearly jealous and couldn't handle firm male management.

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I never could hide my feeling from you.:redface:

Where are you Atheist, I have been keeping the thread warm for you? I know it looks bad and we are near the point of closure, but dont blame old Jocky, blame Prendrelemick, blame Gbrekken, blame Gilliatt but never blame Jocky. :)

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Originally Posted by papayahed

Dear God who said anything about cleaning up??? I don't clean. A fresh coat of paint and some track lighting would do this place a world of good. And lets get rid of these overstuffed leather recliners and get a settee in here.

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:lol: Excuse me, we like it just the way it is. Beer and dust is fine with us and we dont need no settee? Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.

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Originally Posted by jocky

:lol: Excuse me, we like it just the way it is. Beer and dust is fine with us and we dont need no settee? Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.

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I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.:D:nod:

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Originally Posted by papayahed

I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.:D:nod:

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You don't mean you know Atheist cardinally do you? If I had known that I would have never resigned as chief high moderator. I have been completely outwittered and taken for a moog. I have a good mind to go back to Youtube, life was so much simpler. :confused:

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Originally Posted by papayahed

I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.:D:nod:

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A settee! It may start with a settee, but it'll be bean bags, and antimacassers on the wingbacks before you know it.

Then what? a love seat in the long room! Hurmph!

What's this? I visit this thread after a short absence, and it's filled with talk of settees? Not that I know what a settee is, mind you all -- (it's probably French for "old stump" or some such thing), but what has this thread come to?

Let me light a campfire for the men here to gather round:

http://www.pack108fishers.org/Portal...t/campfire.jpg

Offer some bacon to those men here who would have some:

http://www.businessweek.com/autos/au...es/bacon-2.jpg

And, ladies, if you're still here, could you fetch us some sandwiches before you go? That would be lovely.

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Originally Posted by papayahed

Here's a question: In a professional setting why in green hell would a man refer to his female coworker as "babe" and think that was ok?

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Because he's an idiot or a sexist.


Can't think of too many other options.

Leaning towards congenital idiot, because he's making himself loom like a dick in front of other males (and females), some of whom are presumably superior to the bloke in question.

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Originally Posted by jocky

I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.

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Parker mentioned this in passing on the telephone when I rang and asked him to put the Montrachet on ice and open the cigars to let them breathe for a while for my return this evening.

I see you got his message as below!

:lol:

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

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Oh my word!

I've been staying in the "adult district: in Wellington. I think I saw a little number in black that's just right for you!

I'll get one ordered,

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Originally Posted by jocky

Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation.

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Precisely!

:D

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Originally Posted by jocky

" Get thee to a nunnery........We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery " :)

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Damned if there weren't two nuns in the airport today.

Haven't seen a nun in full habit for years.

Eating hot chips they were! And laughing! What happened to the days when a nun having fun was a delight to Satan and good for a a severe whipping?

God, the Catholic church is getting soft these days. Next, they'll refuse to have a Nazi pope.

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Originally Posted by jocky

Where are you Atheist, I have been keeping the thread warm for you?

..

Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.

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A lightning trip to Wellington, mate!

You probably don't know Wellington, but it's aptly named. You need nuts the size of the Duke's to live there. It's built on an earthquake fault which makes the San Andreas look like a scratch, and it's right next to a gap in a 3000 km long mointain range, so you could say it's a bit windy. In the same way you might say the universe is quite big.

Luckily, I managed to escape with both my virtue and DNA intact.

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Because he's an idiot or a sexist.


Can't think of too many other options.

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Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Because he's an idiot or a sexist.


Can't think of too many other options.

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Scottish ?

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Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf

Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.

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Still goes in the stupid category.

The specific mention was in a professional capacity.

In that case, the mock-sexist just isn't going to work. Maybe in 1950, but not now.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Scottish ?

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No way.

How could you have missed that one?

It was in a professional situation.

;)

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Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf

Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.

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One needs to be really close and friendly to be able to pull off a joke like that.

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

There are some occasions when it may be ok.

1/ The lady in question is called Babette or Babe for short.

2/She has just called her male co-worker Honey, and he responds in kind.

3/ They are an item, and he has permission.

4/ He was talking to a small pig that rounds up sheep.

[QUOTE=The Atheist;813706

Oh my word!

I've been staying in the "adult district: in Wellington. I think I saw a little number in black that's just right for you!

I'll get one Next, they'll refuse to have a Nazi pope.

[/QUOTE]
Thank you, Atheist, I can't wait to slip on my new leather threads:banana:
I guess, if Jockys party is off; I'll just have to wear it to the church Christmas party:lol: You know, I really liked old John Paul II, I was about to convert to Catholicism:rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Scottish ?

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I don't think there is a little box we can put Jocky in; he's an original. So we have to judge all of his actions on their own merit. Isn't that right, Babe?:lol:

You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...:cool:

Are you both really moderators:confused:

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

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I'd try joking (I usually do). Say something like "I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.

Now lets be clear. We are not talking about Jockey using the term Babe, we are talking about my coworker saying that in a professional setting.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...:cool:

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I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.

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Are you both really moderators:confused:

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yes, why? :cool:

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Originally Posted by papayahed

I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.

yes, why? :cool:

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Okay, so here I am, sitting around in my cute leather outfit, I have sand in places that I really find objectionable (because I made a lightening stop at the nude beach to admire the moons); I have just drank my fifth bombay and soda which loosens my tongue...and I find out I am on "the thread" with all moderators:eek: I'll just sneak into the kitchen and fry some bacon:redface:

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Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf

I'd try joking (I usually do). Say something like "I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.

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Originally Posted by papayahed

Now lets be clear. We are not talking about Jockey using the term Babe, we are talking about my coworker saying that in a professional setting.

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Originally Posted by papayahed

I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.



yes, why? :cool:

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Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.

As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column,:rolleyes: I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.

yours in hope . Prendrelemick

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Originally Posted by The Comedian

What's this? I visit this thread after a short absence, and it's filled with talk of settees? ...
...And, ladies, if you're still here, could you fetch us some sandwiches before you go? That would be lovely.

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Nothing like the sizzle of fat back and a cozy fire! But we must be cautious Comedian if you fry it up before sunrise. The glowing eyes you see around the perimeter of camp are not necessarily the customary opossums, kiwis, and raccoons. Magnus Pedi is quite fond of bacon given the fact that feral hogs are considered a delicacy.

Settees in the camp? Have we not been served sufficiently well over these many weeks by our finely honed slabs of slate? Prendrelemick put a lot of elbow grease into those pieces. What concerns me more is the missing three handled moss covered family gredunza. What method can we employ to find it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBokGmwXWfs

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

...You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...

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Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf

..."I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.

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As for the “little mares” that continue to saunter into our camp, I’ve constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. We’ll keep em in there for the time being.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.
As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column... The other day my wife threw out my sandwich... What punishment would you deem appropriate...

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Place her in the paddock with the others.

Gilliatt

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

You know, I really liked old John Paul II, I was about to convert to Catholicism

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It's that incense and loose dresses, I'm sure of it.

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

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Have you tried the direct approach?

Go up to him/her and say, "That really gives me the *****"?

Failing that, a punch in the face usually works!

:D

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I'll just sneak into the kitchen and fry some bacon:redface:

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Throw me in a couple of eggs, woman.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.

As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column,:rolleyes: I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.

yours in hope . Prendrelemick

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I'll leave that one to jocky.

I'm stumped.

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Magnus Pedi is quite fond of bacon given the fact that feral hogs are considered a delicacy.

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That's a meat I haven't had in years, but I'll swear to it being the tastiest, juciest, best meat ever.

I don't like factory pork, but give me an honest-to-god wild porker and I'm a happy man. Free range pig doesn't even come close to a wild one.

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Settees in the camp?

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They burn well in a crisis.

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

One needs to be really close and friendly to be able to pull off a joke like that.

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

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:idea: There's nothing better to get a man off your case than to come up behind him in an empty hall and with great familiarity, grab his butt cheeks...you will be "mam'd" the rest of your life:wave:

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.

As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column,:rolleyes: I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.

yours in hope . Prendrelemick

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1. How old was your sandwich?
2. Did she ever respect you...and, do you care; I always find that when people start respecting me, the romance is slipping out the window!

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

As for the “little mares” that continue to saunter into our camp, I’ve constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. We’ll keep em in there for the time being.

Place her in the paddock with the others.

Gilliatt

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I was going to ask for my paddock to have an alcove and pink drapes; but now that I find that the admirable jocky is also a moderator...No wonder he does all those 360's.
What man can tolerate the call of the wild and the call of the banshees...
I will snarf down my sandwich and be off...

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Throw me in a couple of eggs, woman.

I'd love to, but I have a date with pleasure. One of those moons at the nude beach turned out to be a straight arrow and we're going to South Beach to watch the stars:ladysman:

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

As for the “little mares” that continue to saunter into our camp, I’ve constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. We’ll keep em in there for the time being.

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:lol: a paddock? It'll be interesting to see you try and round up the "little mares". Where's my popcorn?

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

:idea: There's nothing better to get a man off your case than to come up behind him in an empty hall and with great familiarity, grab his butt cheeks...you will be "mam'd" the rest of your life:wave:

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oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me.

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but now that I find that the admirable jocky is also a moderator...

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Scher - Moderator
Papaya - Moderator
Jocky - Not

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Originally Posted by papayahed

:lol: a paddock? It'll be interesting to see you try and round up the "little mares". Where's my popcorn?

oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me.

Scher - Moderator
Papaya - Moderator
Jocky - Not

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Yes, all of this sexual harassment stuff both gives and eliminates our rights: anyway, back when I was much cuter and much, much smaller; I had a good amount of annoying work admirers...I finally grabbed ones backside in the hall one day...From then on it was "Yes ma'am"

:blush: Oh, gosh I'm dense, that was what I meant by "are you both moderators"; I thought Jocky was up there too...:crash:

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Originally Posted by papayahed

oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Yes, all of this sexual harassment stuff both gives and eliminates our rights: ...

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Good god. If I were 25 nowadays, I'd be in jail.

I have great difficulty with this whole thing. When I was in my 20s I had affairs with several women I worked with. They all sprang out of mutual attraction and sexual innuendo.

Yet, I could confidently predict that no woman I've ever worked with would ever consider anything I did to be unseemly or improper. I was able to be sweet to prudes without ever them ever raising an eyebrow in my presence, although I must say that given enough time and effort, even the old maiden aunts at work will respond to the tiniest bit of sexual innuendo.

Nowadays, they'd bring back stocks to deal with me.

And why did things change?

Because we (men) mistakenly allowed you to believe you were our equals!.

Idiots.

In days when sexual discrimination at work existed, there was no "power" over women, because if the boss started getting amorous, she'd just leave and go work at the next supermarket. But give them "equality" and one wants to be promoted faster than another so she has an affair with the boss, while another boss uses the carrot of a better job to coerce a subordinate into sexual favours.

While I blame my forefathers for this appalling state of affairs [!], I have to concede that it is all women's own fault, because if you'd gladly stuck to the kitchen/library/school/nurse's uniform/supermarket checkout, none of this would have come to pass.