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Hawk you are Godsent. Just the help I needed! First off, I wasn't even sure if anyone gets it. And what was I thinking, after I typed massacre I thought it looked a little funny...lol. Agree with "convulses". I convulsed to see how long winded it was! Thanks so much!
I like the wit in this-- but are we women still expected to mess with mascara?
Thank you Haunted. In this sea of s hit ( there is an elephant in this room) it's a joy to find you bathing in your tsunami in your 1948 swimsuit. Thank f uck for you and a few others. Wiping your mascara and topping you up. X
I love how you personalize the inner tsunami. Great crash onto the shore with the closing line
Well, no, you never know when it's going to hit, do you, huh? Strong evocation of a strong emotion I've never quite understood. And always relished. What a sweet damage even to those of us who don't apply mascara, and how aptly described, dear Haunt. Your poem deserves to be bumped up. Done :-)
Only when they are writing poems ;=) Thanks Auntie for reading and liking. Makes it all worthwhile! I mean writing it, not putting on the mascara….Quote:
Originally Posted by AuntShecky
Jerry, I know that elephant. I'd say the same about you. 1948 swimsuit? You are a riot! x
Delta, thanks. I put all I've got in the last line!
Dear Dieter, good to know that the other half of the non-mascara population can appreciate it. And thanks for the bump!
stress management
I regret
I never took up smoking
or else I'll have something
to bite down on
butt and all
maybe I'd get dressed
(or strip)
and crash
a socialite pharm party
or stay put
druggy eyes swirling with
the hypnotic wine legs
until I can't stand it anymore
and just grab the neck
of that bottle
Yeah, you're so right. Sometimes stress gets to be so much, we seek out questionable forms of "self-medication." (Hah! And they say we don't need Obamacare!)
And you know what, Haunted? If we modeled our lives on that of celebrities, as shown by on Page Six of the paper or reality shows, we might begin to believe that the seamy underside of life --drugs, sex,overdrinking--is the norm and the reality-based, less "glamorous" life style is the anomaly.
I like the wit of this piece.
Don't like to disagree with auntie but I see more desperation than wit here. It's always good to read you haunted. Post more bloody often.
Yeah, but sometimes the best humor comes from desperation. Hence, the great comedians stemming from various ethnic heritages with a history of oppression and suffering--he Jewish people, Black people, the Irish, not to perpetuate any stereotypes, mind you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy
Then again there's the cliché about the clown who's laughin' on the outside and cryin' on the inside. He yucks it up--until he sees how little he's being paid (less his agent's commission.)
Auntie, really enjoyed reading your comment. I think a lot more people will sign up for Obamacare if it offered THIS stress management. Then again their website wouldn't be able to handle it. Sigh. About the celebs and their high life… now rehab is the in thing. It's almost "good" to have a problem…. another irony, to continue your thoughts about the best humor comes from desperation.
Jerry, I'm a bit dyslexic and for a moment I thought you wrote pour more bloody mary lol. Either that or the usual. BTW desperation is my middle name ;)
Hey, Haunt. Where did this come from? I missed it! Sorry about that.
First off, I like it :) but you've mixed your tenses a bit. S1 L3: "or else I'll" would be better as "I'd have something..." Not sure about S2 L2: the dressed/undress jars a bit - but possibly you could just say "(or strip)"
Still wondering about the hypnotic wine legs... Never seen any, so I'm a bit baffled by them. :D
Nice to see you're still alive though :)
Live and be well - H
Hawk, I hope you'll pardon my tardiness. Barely alive. I lost my kitchen and couldn't think straight… Long story.
I'll fix the tenses. I always got them wrong, thanks for the help and please keep correcting. Dress undress does sound boring. I like strip so strip it will be.
Wine legs are the streaks on the glass when the wine is swirled. I didnt' know the term myself until I wrote this. Actually found out via research. Imagine that, I actually research for these dumb simplistic poems, LOL.
late winter
the cold is numbing
except my hands
warm under my sweater
sweeping up and around
where yours have been
never know
if it'll snow again
still I want
one last blizzard
blinding
intensifying
hyperventilating
no questions asked
down we go
limbs fanning
two fallen snow angels
doing what we do best on our backs
the world be damned
so would there be
more snow
or is this
the end
Hi Haunt. Really like this - longing and passion in a neat package. It as a couple of small issues though. The last line of S1 lacks the elegance of the rest of the poem. Perhaps "where yours have been" would be better here. My only other niggle is in S6 where you say "so would there be" to fit with the rest of the piece the would really needs to be a will, and I'm not sure about "another". I think more would fit better here. Using would confuses tenses. The rest of the poem is in present tense but would makes it sound like a comment on the past, i.e. You could say "I wondered if there would be more snow" but "so will there be more snow" is a smoother transition from the present to the future.
Apart from my nit picking I love the immediacy of the piece. Very expressive. Good work.
Live and be well - H