Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

mobile phones - pretty much the quintessence of an unintended consequence. Mobile phones (or cells, if you prefer) were intended to free us from unavailability, but in fact shackle us to availability.


Apple

Apple- a leading company in the technology sector.
Minority also uses the word to name a fruit.

Dictionary

Dictionary A language lexicon that shows you more uses for a word than you ever knew were possible

Specter

Specter - A servant of an upperclassman who provides the service of looking at something and then describing it to his or her employer.

Fey

Fey: an injurous adjective not to be used in mixed company. For example describing a 9" Bandido President this way is certain to cause injury

Wriswatch

Wristwatch - A device intended to handcuff you constantly to the realisation of the brevity of your existence.


Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve: Two Days After Boxing Day, The Day after Christmas Day (If You're Travelling From The Future to The Past)

TragiComedy

Tragicomedy: The governing principle of human existence.

Misery:

Misery What appears to be the normal state of of a man, who then expects everyone and everything to follow suit, if not try to trump him

Mental Illness

Mental Illness - A medical condition that's all in the mind - psychosomatic prostate cancer, for instance, brought on by the fact that you've hit your early fifties and that's when both your grandad and your dad got it.


Optimism

Optimism - The feeling of constant joy over every little thing, even when the glass really is half-empty.

Self Actualization:

Self Actualisation: to mistakenly replace a light bulb in the bathroom with one of much higher wattage. This causes you to see yourself as everyone has for years and as you actually are, and - OUCH!

At this point most flick the switch and run to hide beneath the bed covers until morning, three days later

Prestidigidation

Prestidigidation Sleight of hand. Thus in politics, the ability to change horses in mid stream and to talk out of both sides of one's mouth at the same time. Also the inability to produce what one has promised during the campaign and blaming the voters for it.

Voters

'Voters! Voters don't know what's good for them! They get the government they deserve! Feed us peanuts you get monkeys! Give them bread today and they'll want jam tomorrow! And then they'll want a knife to spread it! And once they've got knives - well no good can come of it! Least of all for us!'

Doom

Doom: (The character) Mr Alberto Doom, harbringer of Generally Less Than Optimistic Circumstances . Often accompanied by his female companion, Ms Winifred Gloom, who likes to mope about her flat and complain about the weather and the quality of the television programming.

In Ernest