Thank you to everyone how has entered with all of your wonderful entries. The deadline is now here, so I will get to work on reading all of your works carefully, and the hard task of choosing a winner.
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Thank you to everyone how has entered with all of your wonderful entries. The deadline is now here, so I will get to work on reading all of your works carefully, and the hard task of choosing a winner.
Great Job everyone, this was really a tough one.
Pendragon: Of course I love the topic of your poem, and it is very October appropriate. You did a fine job in creating a very eerie scene, and telling a story, painting a visual image for the reader in such few words. I particularly loved the first verse. I could hear the hooves of pitch black horses ringing against cobblestone streets as the looming dark carriage rolled down the road to its fateful journey. The ending was intriguing as well, suggesting that it is not quite over yet, adding a touch of mystery.
qimissung: I thought your's was beautiful. And I loved the originality and creativity behind it. The fantasy aspect was quite unique, and the words were elegant. It was mythical, and spoke of the old romance, in the days of knights and maidens. Also loved the way in which you used two different perspectives, and points of view to create a whole picture.
AuntShecky: Beautiful poem that invoked many of the senses. You can see the colors of the field and smell the plants and the grasses in the air, feel the warmth of the sun. I loved the nature aspect of the poem, it was quite vivid and offered a very serene feeling to it and I just loved the last verse.
Drkshadow03: A very heartfelt poem of a tragedy that many people can relate to and have suffered personal losses from. I particularly enjoyed the lines scattered September ashes and remembers
lost dreams. This poem had a very nice flow to it, and I like the uniqueness of the structure in your poem.
krymsonkyng: The first verse was lovely I think. I loved the way you invoked the sounds, with the tinkling of the glasses and one can just imagine the way the piano keys sounded. Also I like the way in which the sound of the glasses and the piano could be merged together. You set up a really good atmosphere for the poem within the first verse, and I loved 'sultry smoke" and the suggestiveness that is offered. The second verse for some reason cracked me up, but I am a stickler for nautical themes, and so I quite enjoyed that.
balehead: This was quite a lovely poem, I loved the line "sunshine lingers" and I enjoyed the fantasy feeling behind it with the dancing of the fairies. This poem was quite playful and lighthearted, but rather delightful, and I enjoyed the creativeness in your structure of the poem.
After carefully reading over all of the poems, as we all know I had to choose but one winner. And so in much difficult dliberation, I have at last choosen qimissung as the winner of this form poetry contest.
Congratulations to qimissung
Congratulations qimi! :ladysman: looking forward to the next form!
Thank You, Dark Muse and Pendragon! All the entries were excellent. In fact in my opinion, mine pales somewhat in comparison. Having been faced with the difficulty of choosing just one, I appreciate DM's effort and thoughtfulness.
I will have a new form for us soon.
I've decided on a form for the next contest. It's a form of poetic argument called The Bop. It's written in three stanzas, each followed by a repeated line or refrain.
The first stanza (six lines) states the problem.
The second stanza (eight lines) explores and expands upon the problem.
If there is a resolution, the third stanza (six lines) finds it. If a resolution cannot be made, then the third stanza documents the attempt to find one.
Following is an example, my first effort at this form:
Oh, I Love
Oh I love you
I love how you came swaggering into my life
Held me, caressed me
Took me by the hand and hauled me off to see the world
But now another voice is taking over, whispering
He doesn’t listen to you, and I feel my eyes turning red
And I know that if you only lay your hand against my cheek,
I will forgive, I will forgive you endlessly, with a tender look
And I’m right, I know I am
I travel light years to be with you
I enter your world as Alice must once
Have entered wonderland
But now it palls, and I wonder,
Will you ever enter my world with the same relish and
Fervor that I give you? And my anger,
Like green kudzu, grows
And I know that if you only lay your hand against my cheek,
I will forgive, I will forgive you endlessly, with a tender look
I miss the early days when I’d drop everything
And the world waited tenderly and mistily
While we fell in love
Finally I rise like smoke from the smoldering ashes
And tell you what’s on my mind
And you come, not everyday, but you come
And I know that if you only lay your hand against my cheek,
I will forgive, I will forgive you endlessly, with a tender look
Qimissung
I had a lot of fun writing this; I hope you do, too. The contest will be open until November 5.
A wee bit of a problem with the foregoing: It sets the bar SO HIGH that it might discourage others (like me!) from entering.
Vampire's Lament
I was walking down the street
while the moon was new
searching every shadow
for some sign of death
praying to lift
me away.
Now I live a life of bloody smiles
and broken promises
tasting every lie
In the darkness I found
the black gift upon a sweet and bitter kiss
and I watched the last sunset
upon the remains of my life
always in the corner
waiting for another lost soul
see myself reflected
in their pleading eyes.
Now I live a life of bloody smiles
and broken promises
tasting every lie
Crying into the rain
once more I wish to die
but my only fate
is to put the past behind
baptized now with blood
rise anew with the moon.
Now I live a life of bloody smiles
and broken promises
tasting every lie
I love vampires; I wish I had thought of writing about them. You describe the vampires loss of humanity and haunted feelings very movingly. Great job!
Thank you, it is Anne Rice inspired
Forced to Make a Choice
The crossroads of life
Makes for a dilemma—
Other paths beckon besides the one I am on—
Voices whisper conflicting advice,
The owls hoot and the lone wolf howls—
Decision makes for a strange bedfellow…
A choice lies before me, two pathways I must choose—
Which one will bring comfort when the journey is through…
What to do, what to do
When any conclusion makes a toss-up—
I have forgotten what makes wrong or right…
I can’t count on tomorrow,
And yesterday haunts me, a wailing banshee…
I must choose, I must choose
For once I am certain
I dance the razor’s edge between life and death—
A choice lies before me, two pathways I must choose—
Which one will bring comfort when the journey is through…
Cold darkness has a chilly embrace,
The sunshine warms even if for a moment
My heart sliced to ribbons at best
The Angel of Death murmurs about resolution
But the choice is mine, mine alone and I choose
Life over destruction, hope above fear…
A choice lies before me, two pathways I must choose—
Which one will bring comfort when the journey is through…
Pendragon
© Friday, October 09, 2009
Child of the rocks,
Model of debris.
Woman in a box
Waiting to be free.
Twenty-first century fox
Seduced in the first degree.
Girls play safe on their own
And lose their grace on the well-oiled set machinery.
Cumulative locks
Weigh on the fee.
Scritinizing hawks
Ransom the key.
Innocent jerk gawks
At the spread on his knee
And savours the shocks
In the youthful game spree.
Girls play safe on their own
And lose their grace on the well-oiled set machinery
Since the virtual vox
Gave the babe eyes to see
She’ll never give talks
On her “Original Me”
Nor be a sought-after crock
For crumpets and tea.
Girls play safe on their own
And lose their grace on the well-oiled set machinery
Please don't sell yourself short. One of the many things I admire about qimissung (and you, dear Prince) is that neither of you are afraid to take artistic risks.Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin
I see we have some fine, new entries, Pendragon and alakungfu. Thank You for taking the artistic risk! :)
Thank You, Aunt Shecky; I believe I owe LitNet a big think you for introducing me to new styles and forms, for guiding me in new directions.
The Hack’s Lament
Where’s everybody
goin’, huh? They all want my cab.
There’s a hopeful arm up in the air,
a two-fingered whistle, hardly a tweet.
Get in, Bro – I got the time
if you got the fare.
The meter runs an unbeatable race.
Where to? Where to?
I pick ‘em all up.
The fat and the drunk, the chic and the poor.
Praise tourists from whom blessings flow!
The natives chill or cling to the door.
Some bend my ear with DeNiro impressions
or opt for impromptu therapy sessions.
A few clam up tighter than a crab.
Most tell me things I just as soon not know.
The meter runs an unbeatable race.
Where to? Where to?
Here ya go, fella.
Lotsa traffic, better brace
yourself. This is a ‘tip’? Now I can buy
myself a whole fleet o’ yellow
taxis. Ya take what ‘cha get and don’t ask why.
We're all gonna end up at the same place.
The meter runs an unbeatable race.
Where to? Where to?