Pam

The above is actually John-Boy Walton

Goodnight Pam
Goodnight John-Boy, Goodnight Elizabeth
Goodnight Pam, Goodnight Mama
Goodnight Elizabeth, Goodnight Pendragon
Goodnight Mama, Goodnight Mary-Ellen
Goodnight Pendragon, Goodnight Tony
Aye! Goodnight Mary-Ellen, Aye! Goodnight Jim-Bob
Goodnight Tony, Goodnight...

And on and on and on...

Pam thinks this schtick all sort of works on account of - ain't Tony's real name, WALTON!?

PAM petitioned to have windmills built on Peachtree Street so he would have them to tilt at.

Pam, what a rube!

Pam sings a heartfelt love song:

Oh Shenandoah,
I love your daughter,
Away, you rolling river.

But the tune morphs because Pam is geographically (and tonally) challenged:

For her I'd cross
The Cumberland Gap
Let's lay down now
There's gonna be trouble

Across the gap, Pam's song turns lugubrious :

I said blue moon of Kentucky keep on shining,
Shine on the one that's gone and left me blue.

So Pam does what young fellers do in this situation - he joins the Army:

Yo lef
Yo lef
Yo lef-rat-lef
I knew a girl from ole Kentuck'
She couldn't cook
But she sure could...sew

Pam, what a rube!

PAM has a skewered idea of people who live in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 1) I live in Virginia. 2) I never joined the army 3) I sing well enough to be asked to do so at weddings

While in the Army, Pam enjoyed many promotions, a real high climber, a fast burner: he made Corporal three times.

PAM had a gi joe doll who rained down terror in his neigborhood.

PAM had a date for that GI Joe, a Barbie doll!

PAM hums the star wars theme while shopping.

The Pam constantly hums the "Jaws" theme while walking the beaches of the Caymen Islands

PAM has spinach in his teeth.

PAM believes spinach gives her super-human strength and proclaims, "ack, ack, ack, I yam what I yam!"

PAM cleans his teeth with a grill brush.

Pam cleans her teeth in a jar on the nightstand

PAM dressed up as Raggedy Ann for Halloween.