Pam

The PAM is a member in good standing of The Dead Rabbits Society...

PAM eats gluten, and just gluten.

Gluten eats Pam.

PAM has a deep and elaborate inner life acting as Hazel the rabbit (and the other characters) from Watership Down.

When Pam swims, sharks become anorexic.

PAM spends hours telling residents and visitors that the Blue Ridge Mountains aren't actually blue - with long explanations on why they aren't and how it came to be......, it's kind of his thing.

Pam's poker hand discarded him.

To Pam's reckoning a straight beats a flush.

If only Pam would remember to flush!

Not withstanding the fact that Pam owns an outhouse

PAM thinks about desirable women quite often during the day.

In later life, Frodo wished that he had held onto the One Ring and thrown Pam into Mount Doom instead.

And after Wonderland, for the rest of her life, Alice cringed every time she saw the PAM...

PAM throws people in the pool at parties - it gets crazy.

Pools throw Pam right back.