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I guess I didn't get across what I meant, then, because mischief or any other sort of merriment was far from my mind. It was indeed a very hot humid day and the young man was so overweight that my first thought was that every step he took was shortening his life by a span of time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkman
I think it's poignant, I felt that guy's overweight before you explained, probably from "schleps himself" and because of the surrounding summer's humid warmth over here. Your lines ticked minutes away from my own life as I empathized. So to me this is an effective shot. Bar
Thanks, Bar, it's always a pleasure when you comment on one of my offerings.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bar22do
Thanks, Hawkman...
A stringy young woman,
one long, lean arm
tapering to a cigarette,
stops, makes a shushing sound
and waves that arm in the air
to banish real or imagined birds.
Wearing his warrior face,
a young man enters the café,
prepared for anything
--even friendship.
That's just how I feel sometimes. Going into the outside world is like combat. I admire your perceptiveness, Prince.
I could have sworn I posted a comment on the 17th July snapshot which is brilliant by the way. With Aug 3rd I have a profound feeling of Dejas vu so maybe I'm ready for the bald one's institution. :D
Your observational pieces are sharply observed slices of humanity and never disappoint.
H
A young man with a watery left eye
appears to be looking at his laptop screen
from two different vantage points.
A couple walk by
with the rubbish of age on their faces.
this is so wonderful written, that's also me with one watery eye!
From my (here third) vantage point - my right eye sharp and alert - I'd certainly prefer:
"A young man with a watery left eye
appears to be looking at his laptop screen
from two different vantage points.
A couple walk by
with the rubies of age on their faces."
This matter put right, I have no other complaints. On the contrary.
And wish you well - Bar
Funnily enough, (and I cringe at disagreeing with Bar), I preferred Rubbish. I think I know exactly what you mean. I used to be a bus-driver, and I got people like that on the bus all day. Great Image!! (Sorry Bar, Respect!)
Well it depends what eye does one look at the elderly with (fear, love, disgust, self-concern, irritation, compassion).
Both "rubbish (of age)" or "rubies (of age)" are modifiers, and - INTERPRETATION, I see and choose to look at what's precious (even though it might sometimes take an effort)...
And honestly, I've never seen rubbish on somebody's face, not even on the numbest one... and I am on the bus (tramway or metro, and more, like street, park, beach) daily, Daf. Plus I can see well :brow:. And what I see is a tangle of history (of course), dignity, insecurity, self-determination, pain, joy, loneliness, desire, helplessness, wit, clumsiness, wisdom, weariness, love, bitterness, all - but not rubbish of age.
So, yes, a clever, poetically effective image indeed, but one I disagree with, though, goes without saying, it's the author's full right to choose how he looks at what or whom he sees, as well as to bare his own emotion when confronted with what challenges his eye...
But were it a real photograph...
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2524/...976baaf4d3.jpg
and better:
http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/illusion/images/illus23.gif :wink5:
Respects to you both - Bar
I love Jacques Brel's moving compassion (and this song's last line's reminder):
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1e...ish-subt_music
Hi Prince, a sharply observed and thought provoking (as well as contentious) poem. Thanks for sharing.
Sweet Bar,
Though it breaks my heart to do so, I fear I must disagree with your desire to remove the rubbish from the faces of the old. I fear that to replace it with rubies, would
a: completely change the meaning of the poem, and
b: replace a powerful word with an anodyne one.
Of course, given a poetic interpretation, rubies might actually be seen as blood leaking from the wounds of age, although this is a bit of a stretch and only likely in the eyes of those with darker hearts.
Now I would not presume to claim that I knew, categorically, what lay in Princes’ mind when he wrote the line, but I do know what it means to me.
The older one gets the greater the burden of regret, this is the rubbish I carry around. In unguarded moments it etches itself in deep lines on the face. On top of this there are the physical blemishes of ageing, that mar the once youthful pristine flesh. To those of us whose self image is frozen at about 25 or 30, looking in the mirror can give one a bit of a shock. Where did all this rubbish come from, we ask ourselves.
So, though I would rather die than argue with you, can we just agree to differ on this occasion.
Live and be well, H
Hawk, how come you prosper while you still vigorously argue with me! how is this possible at all! :)
I didn't suggest PM replace "rubbish" with "rubies" - and yes, his piece is clever and sharp, though again, interpreted, not observed, like all poetry is, licentia poetica oblige - I meant I'd prefer anything but "rubbish" ("rubies" was the first available alternative, and not at all anodyne!) - don't distort what I said!
I profoundly disagree :( with your generalisation:
"the older one gets the greater the burden of regret"
- it might be true for you, it's certainly not for me or for Ploni, etc... and even supposing I see someone carrying his or her "burden of regret", it's still not rubbish in my eyes, it's an emotion to be addressed, soothed if possible...
As to your:
"To those of us whose self image is frozen at about 25 or 30, looking in the mirror can give one a bit of a shock. Where did all this rubbish come from, we ask ourselves."
the last sentence is another generalisation, o Hawk. When looking into the mirror, we don't ALL ask ourselves where all this RUBBISH came from, some of us love our changing landscape, accept age, live to the utmost of what this or another stage in life makes available (sometimes we even break the boundries), enjoy differently, but enjoy truly... and it's certainly easier (and healthier) when we didn't freeze our image at 25 or 30 and don't compare.
Calling all this "rubbish" enfeebles and degrades one, is unproductive, doesn't help anything, but - you might say - "at least I don't lie to myself", "I'm realistic" - false! you aren't! you just pick up the worst option amid so many others available.
So I'm now running to the mirror for my daily loving check up (and count up!) - :redface:
Love your "rubbish", o Hawk, and you'll soon repent for having called "it" names! For your love will smooth what you look at as regretful asperities ...
With the wise support of:
Anacreon (c.572-488 BC)
AGE
OFT am I by the women told,
"Poor Anacreon! thou growest old;
Look; how thy hairs are falling all;
Poor Anacreon, how they fall!"--
Whether I grow old or no,
By the effects I do not know;
But this I know, without being told,
'Tis time to live, if i grow old;
'Tis time short pleasures now to take,
Of little life the best to make,
And manage wisely the last stake.
Love - Bar
Sweet Bar, I was forgetting you are a daughter of Zeus, a muse, immortal and without regret, forever preserved in perfection.
Forgive this mere mortal his regrets and conceits while he morns his lost youth :D
Eternally yours, a Hawk with droopy wings.