Yipee! And now we have a contest! Thank you kindly, Pendragon.
Printable View
Yipee! And now we have a contest! Thank you kindly, Pendragon.
Andromache sing us your lament
Beloved son tossed from high battlement
Husband thrice dragged dead around Troy's wall
Yourself weepingly to slavery sent
Of those fates sealed at Troy's fall
Yours is worst but none recall
Songs of Deeds are what we sing
No epics for the weak or small
But those who've grieved because a king
Brought swarm of war for some trifling
Can't have hearts or backs unbroken
So what good can a poem bring
Works of art are but poor token
For all the tales left unspoken
Of those who did not do but were done to
Silent ghosts best left unwoken
Chocolate is as chocolate does
Dizzy sees as busy was
If I lost my breath today
I'd feel at ease still just because
Watch your weight is what they say
Cultivate health and hit the hay
The object is not an ego trip
But to rid your world of decay
Eager to take any tip
And to avoid voyeurship
The subject hosts their own parade
To display their perceived Blue chip
Appearance falls under the grade
Of having means above a shade
Of mere basic existence; yes, charge
You've drawn on the silhouette you've made
So listen to the trivia at large
Ride the train and ship the barge
You never know how the story ends
'Til you've paid your dues and served as Sarge
Yeay, another two poems. Thanks March Hare and Alakungfu!
Keep 'em coming!
Still a week to go if anyone else would like to enter?
I'm considering it.
What are the eligibility requirements? Does one have to have been a member for any length of time, etc.?
I am by no means a scholar of poetry and admit that I am intimidated by this group; not for harsh comments, but by the talent, knowledge and experience.
Let me know about the requirements and I'll see if I can pluck up the courage.
~L
Hi LMK :D
There are no requirements other than the poem you post must utilise the form which is currently being contested. For details see here: http://www.online-literature.com/for...&postcount=600
As long as you're a member of Lit-net and you want to take part then you're more than welcome here.
Her Reply
by (LMK)
You speak to me these words of love
See in my eyes the stars above
Taste on my lips sweet honey wine
My hand in yours fits like a glove
You ask me for this life of mine
To ever join with thee and thine
And we shall stay eternally
With heart’s allegiance e’re align
This gift from fate, our destiny
You say is how it’s meant to be
Only my happiness you want
Your life, your love, it’s all for me
Yet there remains a skittish haunt
I’d overlooked not cared to flaunt
But now I fear it’s time to speak
Of what will be my coup detente
Perhaps you thought me far too meek
To have brought forward such critique
Of you and she who share a bed
Are you alright, you’re looking weak
Your face now flushes brightest red
I hope t’was not a thing I said
Perhaps desire’s warmth does rise
Please don’t provoke and shake your head
I’m sure you see with no disguise
That knowing this I would despise
The thoughts of you and her mid-pant…
…perhaps to leave it there is wise
You have your leave to gallivant
To yearn I’ve none to rave and rant
But at the risk of sounding twee
To marry you, you see, I can’t
/*
~L
Nicely done LMK.
Thank you March Hare, I enjoyed the imagery you conjured.
~L
Thanks for joining us LMK :D
Still a few hours to submit your poems...
Okay, the contest is now officially closed. Thanks to everyone who's entered.
Now for the difficult part....
Thank you all for submitting your poems; it's been a pleasure to read them all and very difficult to judge. But as with all contests there must be a conclusion so it now falls to me to take the difficult decision. First though, a comment on each of the poems.
Dark Muse
Wow! DM what a journey! I can't help but be impressed with the commitment and expansiveness of this poem. Not only did you scale the A-Z but you made it look effortless in the bargain. Throughout the poem you never drop the rhyme, nor vary from the stringencies of the form but it doesn't feel forced or difficult. Overall it's a classic lyrical poem bordering on the epic. It's impossible to pick out one part or another, each stanza works well in its own way, each one a step along the way of this mystical journey.
Pendragon
Pen, as always your poetry has the power to wrench the heart, and though this one was brief it wasn't lacking in emotional content. Rhyming is one of your real skills, I've always admired it, and here you use rhyme with subtlety and discretion to great effect. I loved this interjection:
and the terrible sadness of those final lines:Quote:
There are no seers among the wise…
Quote:
And who among you shall mourn me?
Or just say “Good riddance to that guy…
March Hare
You chose the tragic story of Andromache as your theme and it served the form well. I think you used the more archaic language well - normally it would grate on my nerves (personal foible!) but actually I think you've woven it in to the poetry beautifully and it simply works. These lines really brought the story home:
Yes! And you follow it up so well with these lines:Quote:
Songs of Deeds are what we sing
No epics for the weak or small
and here:Quote:
But those who've grieved because a king
Brought swarm of war for some trifling
and that sharp reminder:Quote:
Of those who did not do but were done to
yes, art is but a thin veil in the face of true suffering. A tragedy made more tragic still. Impressively written.Quote:
So what good can a poem bring
Alakungfu
You really grabbed with those opening lines:
creating a curiously disjointed and intriguing opener which makes the reader want to read on, and I love the way you've weaved these common phrases in and twisted them into something a little different! It's a mind-bending piece. Nicely done.Quote:
Chocolate is as chocolate does
Dizzy sees as busy was
If I lost my breath today
I'd feel at ease still just because
LMK
What starts as a classic love poem quickly turns into something else! I love the sharp wit of this piece, the way it leads you one way then turns and slaps you in the face! Again, I think you've used the archaic language well, in this case it strikes me as ironic and slightly wicked, particularly considering where the poem ends up. I love this part in particular:
not least of which for that lovely rhyme with 'coup detente', yes! that's rhyme with flair and it is at this point the poem turns and looks itself in the cold hard eye. This line really made me smile:Quote:
Yet there remains a skittish haunt
I’d overlooked not cared to flaunt
But now I fear it’s time to speak
Of what will be my coup detente
yes! Wicked and cheeky ;)Quote:
The thoughts of you and her mid-pant…
They're all excellent poems and it's hard to pick a winner, but for sheer scope, breadth and audacity it has to be....DRUM ROLL PLEASE....
DARK MUSE
Congratulations DM, and I look forward to seeing what you pick for the next form.
Congratulations Dark Muse!
Your poem was powerful in its journey and descriptions. Epic was a word that came to my mind while reading it and watching in my mind’s eye the unfolding verse.
Fifth Element,
Thank you for your kind words.
To all,
It was a pleasure to have participated with such talent, versatility, skill and passion. It was great fun and hope to take part again.
~L
Thank you! It was indeed quite challenging, but a fun process and experience.