Pam

Pam uses a point-shaving strategy on his balance sheet

Pam shaves with used disposable razors he found at the YMCA.

Pam wants to kiss the pope's ring

Pam will do anything for a dog treat.

Pam has a swimming pool, filled to the brim with dead gerbils. He takes a dip in it every morning, before breakfast.

Pam is so god-like that people look away when he passes by. Then they run the opposite direction.

Pam is a insomniac agnostic dyslexic; he lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.

PAM wears Vulcan ears to bed.

Pam wears Klingon brow ridges and barks like a dog at the postman before threatening to shoot him with a disrupter, a weapon banned by several intergalactic treaties on the grounds that it kills too cruelly. But what the heck, dead is dead, right? :devil:

Pam models his attire after Spongebob Squarepants.

On those rare occasions when Pam is invited to dinner, rather than splashing out on a bottle of good wine to give his hosts, he gives them a bottle containing Ribena and rubbing alcohol, with a label which he soaked off a bottle of real booze.

Pam's hairpiece is his only friend.

Pam eats earwax sandwiches.

Pam's hunting trip for feral hogs was interrupted by a self-inflicted wound.

Pam can stand upright under flat rocks...