There once was an angel who thought
That with devils she best not get caught.
She was caught nonetheless
In the usual mess
Not doing what good angels ought.
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There once was an angel who thought
That with devils she best not get caught.
She was caught nonetheless
In the usual mess
Not doing what good angels ought.
Not doing what good angels ought
Her balance of good deeds was naught.
Till one day a whaler
won her from a sailor.
She dazzled with all she'd been taught.
When the angel and sailors were done,
Her hot devils got jealous and one
Sank the boat with a wave,
But the sailors were brave
So in heaven continue their fun.
Here's a story so genuinely true
you'll feel like you already knew:
I've an appendage so grand
it's quite out of hand
so I keep it tucked down in my shoe.
J
There once was a dragon named Joe
Who survived a brave knight's ready blow
When the damsel came out
Flaming curses about,
Freaked the knight, made the horse bolt and go.
Evening Entertainment
There once was a dragon named Joe
And a damsel who wandered in, so
There's a knight coming, too.
When the battle is through,
They will bow. We will clap at the show.
Cunning Hera made Herakles mad
Till he killed all he loved. She was glad
When she saw them all dead.
"I'm a good girl," she said,
But that Herakles? "He's very bad."
There once was a poet named Sue
Her word choice left everyone blue
I leaned over and said
Poetry is dead
she leaned back and yelled out
**** you
There once was a noble from China,
That opened an XXX dina
The tickets sold out,
But the police came about
And cried, ''That kid's only a mina!''
Nice Vocabulary, But Not Much Use on the College Entrance Exams
My daughter knows words my wife don't.
Hearing "milf", she will laugh. My wife won't.
But who knows what she knows?
All I need, I suppose,
Is some other word rhyming with "-on't".
A contractor building out hell
Has said that, except for the smell,
It's not bad down below
Where the bad people go
Though for them he could not really tell.
Back in Boston Jan found that the man
She's been doing did more than poor Jan.
Jan's done others as well.
"They don't count!" You can tell
Jan can't count, but those others all can.
As a member of LitNet I'd say
That various views still hold sway
Where young wankers, old plonkers
And those who are bonkers
Add little to the light of day
There once was a country that let
Its risk rise with far too much debt.
The economy spanked
And its revenue tanked.
Its name now, like ours, we forget.
There once was a debtor named Doug
Whose creditors needed a hug
When his bankruptcy came.
Though they gave him the blame
Their funds drained when Doug pulled the plug.
There once was a lymerick writer
who'd buried his wife, just to spite her.
Though he owned no discrace
at his untimely haste,
he was hanged and inhumed right beside her.
Her death didn't free up his life.
They hanged him, because of the knife
And they buried him next
To the lady who vexed
Him the most to spite both for their strife.
I know this was posted literally 9 years ago, but I choked on my own spit while reading this and then laughed for 10 minutes straight. Does anyone know where this emily girl is? I have to press charges against her for cracking my funny bone :D.Quote:
Originally Posted by emily655321
From Russia to France he sent texts
From all of walks of life he had sex
He thought it a rumor
That he had a tumor
And sang while he banged, then died next
--
Wow, that was lame. Heh, I'll try harder next time. There is a first for everything, right!?! :D
Sometimes the lamer the limerick the better. I enjoyed it.
Here's one with the "lass" rhyme that emily used and with reference to the orbs from the Bigfoot thread:
There once was a classy young lass
Who displayed an outstanding round ***.
Other orbs she'd parade
Through a blouse that was made
To conceal not one gram of the mass.
I love Limericks I was writing them while drunk the other night.
Billy was a helpless nerd.
He used many a big word
Till he said epic
At his oat breakfast
Hercules made him eat turds.
I once had a lovely clone
One day we were home alone.
It made me die
Then it was I
Now I wrote this poem.
There was once a cat called Shantz
He had many uncles and aunts.
They fed him penne
One noodle too many
Poor Shantz he shat his pants.
The UFO floats like a bird
And the noise that our sharp Billy heard
Could be creatures from Mars
Or the twinkling, bright stars
If that honking were more like a word.
There once was a lady who said
She'd rather wake up and be dead
Than marry some guy
Who made good ladies cry
Unless she got wealthy when wed.
There is a young lady from Brest,
(That's in France if you hadn't guessed,)
A popular girl,
with many a curl,
And in her home town she is blessed.
There once was a meme to inspire
The markets to jump ever higher:
"Buy it now! Don't miss out!
What a loser!" No doubt,
One will lose when those markets expire.
In the oncoming lane was a Texan
Veering towards me like he was a textin'
That guy had some nerve
Made my Honda swerve
Barely missing natural selection
There once was a king whose excess
Confronted his poor peasants' stress
And when he asked for
Just a little bit more
His head rolled and made one last mess.
The monarch's death was inglorious
We joyful peasants victorious
The king was betrayed
By math I'm afraid
'Cos there was just a bit more of us
The peasants were happy and said,
"We're so glad that our good king is dead!"
They were giddy all day,
"No more taxes to pay!"
Then democracy taxed them instead.
"Down with taxes," the one side protested
"Feed the masses," the other requested
"Enough malarkey"
"We're for anarchy"
A small but vocal contingent contested
Billy's an anarchist who
Loved Betty, but said they were through,
"You date too many guys!"
Betty said with surprise,
"Hey! I am an anarchist, too!"
The two young anarchists named Billy and Betty
Had a lovers spat that was really so petty
But between the sheets
They made such great heat
Squeezing and giggling, getting silly and sweaty
Although make-up sex worked for a while,
Crazy months limped toward Spring single file.
Betty stopped going out.
Billy flip-flopped about
Until Jane came and made Billy smile.
And so it goes when love gets political
The sex is bad and anticlimactical
And Billy was warned
That Betty was scorned
While the state became apocalyptical
*My sincerest apologies to Chinua Achebe
Chinua Achebe was annoyed
At sancho's cheek unalloyed
i feel so abused
I am not amused
My self esteem is distroyed.
There once was an anarchist, Billy.
Seeking freedom he's now looking silly.
Jane's a Democrat who
Is political, too.
Betty thinks he'll be back soon, but will he?
When Sancho rhymed he was stewed it's said
He tried for clever but was crude instead
But of this I swear
Achebe don't care
On account of him being a dude that's dead
Love lost, then found, then modified - like the constitution
Betty said, "choose me or the freeway"
Jane said, "in this there can be no leeway"
From Betty to Jane
Bill looked once again
"So, girls, how'd you feel 'bout a three-way?"
There's a poster I'd like to toss,
On here, he acts like a boss,
illiterate not shrewd
but most of all rude,
to read his work, a loss.
I know the poster in question
his actions need a dissection
pointless, obscure
what is the lure?
that crooked sense needs correction.