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Hi Shurtugal and welcome to the forums.
All poetry posted on this part of the forum is original work (ie. stuff we've written ourselves!). Most of us haven't been published either so you're in good company, and you're most definitely a writer as long as you love doing it.
We always look forward to seeing new work so post away (just so long as you stick to the forum rules - no more than one a day!), and I look forward to reading your work.
ok, thank you Bii, but if the rules posting only one a day i'll be posting for a long time =). well that's ok, here's the first one. (i also have a tune for this as a song)
"Remmber"
When I die don't rember me for my bravery.
When I die don't remember me for my luck.
Don't remember for the joy I have given you,
But remember me for my love.
When I die don't remember me for my strength.
Please, don't remember me for my wrong.
This is all I will ask for, this all I plead.
Remember my love, when you remember me.
When I leave you don't think of crying,
'Cause I'm in a better place.
Don't think of peace I did or didn't make.
But remember the love I gave,
Yeah, remember the love I gave.
'Cause without it there'd be no kindness,
Only sorrow, pain, and hate.
Without love there'd be no peace or happiness.
This whole world would fall apart in a day.
Some people are remembered for thier justice.
Some, sadly, for thier lack of faith.
I'm not saying I don't have those qualities,
Just remember the love I gave.
so how do you all like it?
sorry, my computore went stupid. =). i didn't mean to post this. i'll explain another time.-Argetlam
Ah interesting form, Petra. :)
I'm not that good with forms, but I'll see what I can do (IF I can do anything, that is!). Soon. :)
Okay I'm done.
There were no mention of syllable limits in the form given by Petra, but I chose 12-each anyway, 8 would have been better i know, but *shrug* 12 is a multiple of 4 too! :p
Plus, just in case, I chose to add the envoy too, like SteveH and some others have done. But instead of putting half the repeating words somewhere in the middle I put them terminally, that is- half at the end, the other half at the beginning. It somehow sounded better that way, and since the envoy wasnt in the given form I hope it doesnt hurt to treat that part my own way. ;)
Okay so here's my first attempt at a form poetry (unless u count little haikus):
A Romantic Euphony
Memories afresh! I’ve tasted paradise once.
‘Twas all restless lips, skipping beats, candid romance.
Spring was afoot, air flavored full with fresh fragrance—
Ever joyous my soul was, captive in a trance.
Wine cascaded down the gold chalice of romance,
Violets cheered, and bluebells offered their fragrance.
Time stood still, whilst I sunk deeper into the trance.
Memories afresh! I’ve knocked on heaven’s doors once!
Doors flew open! That unforgettable fragrance
Gripped heaven’s chambers illumined, touching the trance.
Memories afresh! I have embraced Eden once!
Love flew dove- like, o’er our aromatic romance.
Now I chase the dove, strive to touch the lifted trance,
But ‘tis, alas, long lifted, like you left me once
The spell was broken, dying embers of romance
Shushed; away you flew with the remnants of fragrance.
Once blooming bluebells died, snuffing out its fragrance.
Romance wilted, pale petals brought a fatal trance.
it's beautiful! really is, symphony. i like it a lot.
well here's another of mine.(i wrote this a year ago when i saw an friend at our biblestudy)
"Imagination"
Is it my imagination?
Or did he smile at me;
What does it mean?
Does he like me?
Or did he laugh?
My hands quiver.
What?! Should I talk to him.
No, I'm crazy.
He wears a hat;
But his eyes see right threw that- to me.
He's defenetly looking at me.
It is not my imagination.
He likes me.
so how do you like. i want lots of feed back (even if that means you say it's stupid) thanks, shurtugal.
Hi Shurtugal - you need to post your poems in the "Personal poetry" section - this particular thread relates to a specific form of poem (it's a sort of competition).Quote:
Originally Posted by Shurtugal
Sorry if I mislead you with my earlier post. Bii
Thanks a lot Shurtugal :) . But this thread is not for all poems i'm afraid, u should start a new thread for ur personal poems and post them there in the Personal Poetry section. Bii is right, there's only room for poems under the given form here in this thread. Please post ur poems in the right place to get the right feedbacks :) .Quote:
Originally Posted by Shurtugal
ok. thanks
Technically this round of the contest was over about five days ago but since I've been away due to travel and then unexpected family related issues, and there don't seem to be a host of new poems, I'm going to extend the deadline to July 7th and definitely pick a winner then. I don't want this thread to die on my hands (or at all, if it comes to that) so get writing all you brilliant poets! :)
The Dance of Doom Between Thunder and Lightning
Lightning flashes across the sky
Thunder hits you before the lightning dies
It slams and splashes across the land
Like God was a drummer in a rock band
Thundering lightning and rain that never dies
Washes the sea, rivers and the land
Lightning sketches, in the sky, a shimmering band,
While the rain etches floods in the dark, roiling sky.
As I stand looking out across this thunderstruck land
There the people gaze at the man above the three colored band
The one with his face pointed at the sky
He stops breathing as he thinks of his dream where the whole world dies
The sweat appears like a glossy band
As his eyes clear, so does the sky,
With the sun glowing red in breaks apart and dies
Throwing its solar debris over our unprotected land
Just a reminder that if anyone wants to submit a last minute poem, the deadline is the end of tomorrow. Otherwise I'll choose from among the lovely submissions that are already up.
Could you repost your original post because I can't seem to find it and I can't make any sense out of people's posts? Thank you. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
There u go, ampoule :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
hope u make it within tomorrow, good luck. :)
thank you symphony. i will give it the old college try. ;)
It being the day after the deadline (sorry Ampoule, hope you enter the next round, or if you've already written something, share it with us anyway :)) I've chosen a winner, but first some comments for everyone:
Nick Adams—As I said before, your poem doesn’t quite follow the rules of the form in the order of the repeated end words for each stanza, but this is a minor thing. Overall I liked the haiku-like simplicity of this poem and the nature theme. You also used the repetition to good effect with sparse, short lines, and I like the way you actually repeat whole lines across the first three stanzas.
Pen—You did a lovely job with this form, and I like the way you used the fourth stanza to make a turn from thoughts of despair to a prayer for comfort. I was actually quite moved by this poem. You’ve used the repetition well to underline the emotion of how tears, pain, loneliness and despair can wear a person down, and I liked the last line—the simple act of someone holding your hand to bring an end to the loneliness.
Bii—You were the first to take on the challenge of rhyming your end words as well as repeating them, and it turned out great. You have some really excellent lines in this poem, including the opening line, “I fall awake from chemical dreams.” That’s the type of line that will stick in people’s heads.
SteveH—You were the trend setter of the crowd who elaborated on the original form by adding a neat little envoy, which I see was much mimicked by those who followed. Your poem brought a smile and warmed the heart of a fellow lover of celebrated ales and stouts. Though I’ll confess that your accompanying picture brought on a wistful sigh that Old Tom is not more readily available in these United States.
Autolycus—This is an interesting outing, and I like the way your language falls together. This poem evokes some fascinating images and there’s a definite feeling to it about progress and technology and the way it is influencing our present and future. I have to confess, though, that I did find the poem very ambiguous, that is I couldn’t tell if there was some particular subject you were addressing. For example, the “he” of the first line “In the great house He lies dreaming” I interpreted in many diverse ways, including a person awaiting a cure for a disease, a person in a cryogenic state, an inventor dreaming of a chemical cure, a chemical itself of some kind. This ambiguity is not, of course, necessarily a bad thing and is thought provoking in and of itself, unless you did have something specific in mind that you strongly wanted to convey to the reader.
Symphony—A romantic outpouring of images and song! I like the unabashed romantic theme of this poem, and you have some nice lines. For example, I liked the imagery from the second line: “restless lips, skipping beats, candid romance.” The one thing I would comment on is your archaic diction. I would cut out words like “ ‘Twas,” “whilst” and “’tis” in a poem like this because I think they tend to put this already very romanticized poem over the top. This is, of course, one person’s opnion though, and overall I enjoyed reading the submission.
silent x—This is a strong poem with a great use of the rhyme and some neat imagery. I like the idea of God as drummer in a rock band—it’s a great contemporary metaphor for thunder—and I enjoyed the final two lines With the sun glowing red in breaks apart and dies/Throwing its solar debris over our unprotected land.” The only thing I might have changed about this poem is to give the lines a more regular meter, since I think a driving beat throughout, along with the rhyme would have really made it a tight poem. Somehow I can picture this as the lyrics to a rock song with a sensational music video to accompany it.
The choice was difficult among all these talented submissions, but I’ve decided to award the victory to Bii for “Chemical Dreams.” That first line really grabbed me, and the rest followed through beautifully. Congratulations, Bii, and we all look forward to seeing what form you choose next.
*grin* thank you Petrarch's Love, although I didn't win, I managed to convey to you almost every single meaning that I wanted to convey. Although I must admit the Cthulhu reference was the one I liked best. The ambiguity was most deliberate, it took a lot of effort, but for some reason, I am truly glad I didn't win... the Elder Gods might have risen from the depths. ;-)
And congratulations to Bii, who inspired my own poem with that delectable title!
CONGRATS Bii :D i read the other submissions just now and i loved ur poem, it has this amazing unusual aura about it! Beautiful! :thumbs_up
Looking forward to the form u come up with. :) Congrats again ;) .
Ooh! Thanks Petrarch & thanks to everyone for the kind comments (I'm feeling very happy now!) :blush:
I think my favourite poetic form is the nonnet so I think I'll choose this for the next form, mainly because once you've written one you want to write lots and lots of them, and they look nice too!
The nonnet is a nine line poem with a reducing syllable count. Each line has a syllable count as follows:
Line 1 : 9 syllables
Line 2 : 8 syllables
Line 3 : 7 syllables
Line 4 : 6 syllables
Line 5 : 5 syllables
Line 6 : 4 syllables
Line 7 : 3 syllables
Line 8 : 2 syllables
Line 9 : 1 syllable
The following is my example of a nonnet:
Standing at the edge of the water
conscious only of sensations;
bare feet licked by dog-like waves,
the freshness of sea spray
on my skin.The warm
salt taste on my
mouth reminds
me of
you.
Which is not great, but should give you the general idea.
Deadline for entries is 10th August so get writing!
congrats bii,
petrarch,
i was trying to get a beat to it but was having trouble making my vocabulary fit into the rhyme scheme
How sweet of you. I should have come back and told you I just couldn't do it. I will certainly try another time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
I would love to see you all come and write a poem for the 'and the word is' thread.
Now, to go back and read your comments and what the next form will be.
Prenatal anger is birthed in me
and tears my threshold of kindness;
it spits it up and shears out
A worn deflating lump.
This lump of my heart
soon flattens quick,
Till there is
Nothing
Left
I hope I counted correctly, B. A nice form.
Excalibur
Vanishing slowly into the mist,
The arm and the sword sank from sight—
The Lady of the Lake reclaims
The blade lent to Arthur,
Excalibur home—
“What saw ye now?”
“A hand rose.”
“True knight!”
“Peace…”
Pendragon
© 7/10/07
Today (July 10) is National Clerihew Day[/SIZE]
This is a humorous, "pseudo-biographical" quatrain consisting of 2 rhyming couplets . The form was invented
by Edmund Clerihew Bentley who came up with the idea
as a young lad when he was trying to do his homework. The name of the subject, usually a celebrity, appears at the end of Line One. (So you're more likely to find a Clerihew about someone whose name is easy to rhyme,
like Donald Trump or Condoleeza Rice say, as opposed to
David Ignatow or Zbignew Bzrzenski.)
To honor Mr. Bentley, it would be appropriate if the Forum's
participants posted a Clerihew. (I'd post one myself, but
is the rule only one poem a day? I will post my All Star
Baseball poem presently.)
That's
"Brzezinski."
Baseball purists will ignore the All Star Game tonight, no doubt.But writers have an affinity with the Grand Old Game. Remember Marianne Moore? "Writing is exciting/
and baseball is like writing. / You can never tell with either/
how it will go
or what you will do. . ."
Here's my baseball poem:
Rewind
Inside the park home run!
Safe!
Home plate ump outstretches his arms.
too late.
Delivery to the catcher
runner slides-------------
who fires it home
cut off by the second baseman
the throw
the sprint from third
base coach waves ‘im in
finally retrieved by the center fielder
the ball ricochets against the wall
it’s heading for the corner
the runner rounding second
he still can't get it!
The right-fielder chases–
It’s going down the line!
Wait–it’s rolling–
Fair ball!
he busts out of the box
–-a line towards first --
and the swing--
center of the plate--
the pitcher deals –
Here’s the wind-up –
He’s looking for a fastball inside
Now here’s a guy who’s as good as anybody with a bat
Two outs
Nobody on.
Beautiful.. but it's a bit off Pen.. Yours goes 9,8,8,6,5,4,3,2,1Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Just lose one syllable in the third line :).
Hi AuntShecky and welcome to the forums.
This thread is a sort of contest for poems in a specific form - the current form is the nonnet and the deadline is 10th August (see my earlier post for details). Other poetry needs to be posted in the "Personal Poetry" section of the site, where more people are likely to pick it up.
Wow, there are some really good entries here! :) Here is a weak first try of mine in this contest.
She heads towards the railway station
eager to meet her darling son
the feeling of happiness
not leaving her until-
the stormy last train
she waited for
approaches
without
him.
Thanks for the kind comments on my effort.
I wrote a Nonnet some time ago - I'll have to dig it out (or write a new one).
Nine rings for mortal men doomed to die...
Eight years old when she read those lines -
Seven was always missing.
Six days a work-week and
Five people searching
For a childhood:
Three houses
To be
One
OK here's my entry.
Quote:
Watermelon
The sweet slice, refrigerator chilled,
Marble lined into the habit
Of love, I standing by the
Kitchen sink, gnaw noshing
The red flesh, your arms
Wrap me solid
As you nip
At my
Ear.
here's my shot at it, if it's hard to understand, i'm sorry but i couldn't do much with i had, a challenging form
Shadow Moon
Two lands exist in all reflections,
one in the Light, one in Shadow,
lost, broken, are accepted,
to like I, walk both worlds.
Life mirrors the Dead,
just as the moon
mirrors the
Shadow
Moon.
I like that one very much Virgil. I had never heard of the word 'noshing' though, I had to look it up.
A corpulent phrase recedes in ears,
stepping lightly through spiral folds.
Crestless ripples sink along
deserted banks of sand
worn by tired waves,
like seashell sounds
stilled to sleep,
needing
rest.
Thank you Pensero. Lots of good ones in this one, including yours.
Yes, lots of good nonnets so far - keep them coming!
Thanks, B! I think I fixed it. As I have said before, all our different accents come up with different syllable counts, but it didn't hurt the poem! I'm Southern USA, and we tend to either drop syllables or draw them out, one or t'other. Even those of us who are well educated... You'd be surprized how many times I've heard College professors use "ain't" around here!Quote:
Originally Posted by Adolescent09
Pen
http://www.cosgan.de/images/kao/froehlich/a055.gif
Dancing to a warm breeze one sleek leaf
Turns free the leading hand once held
Once, twice, three times spinning down
Stop now lay still softly
Solo on the ground
Resting waiting
For the next
Rhythmic
Breath
:cool:
I have already posted this poem titled "Moments of bliss" in personal poetry but I thought to put my poem in this contest too. Hope you all will love this poem.
Moments of bliss
we fight with fears and struggle to exist
we cherish the moments which make us want to live
we explore meaning of life and reasons to live
we make changes for what we think and what we believe
we see this world and people and we imitate
we are never satisfied of what we have and for what we get
we share time of our life with our family and friends
we keep these moments as memories until the end
we go through bittersweet moments and wait for one fine day
we keep the faith and live in prayers to see true smile on our face
we strive to fulfill our dreams and to find a better life
we seek for place to rest our head with peace of mind
we live on social bonds and faith upon each other
we live for our loved ones and wish to make it stronger
we try to touch the stars yet they are out of reach
we keep ourselves eternally engaged for the moments of bliss