Originally Posted by
mortalterror
Mr. Dickens,
You have offended me, sir. Your description of my home town's squalor is inaccurate and quite absurd. We are a dusty plain not a marshy swamp. You briefly address our general poverty, but make no mention of our lack of culture and poor public schools, which any local could tell you we are known for. And when you say that my wife is ugly and ill mannered you might just as well have been talking about any woman as well as she! Master of descriptive prose, my ***! Your whole article is pure fabrication and poppycock from start to finish. As soon as my son gets home from the factory, I will dispatch him to the general store to return every one of your books we have pilfered forthwith, and I assure you my daughter shall not soon steal another.
P.S. On the off chance that you were mistaken about the locale and were really writing about Wisconsin, I beg your apologies. You are quite right, sir. That land is a hotbed of sodomy and witchcraft, may the Earth swallow it up.
Sincerely, Mutatis-Mutandi