The Pros and Cons of Celibacy

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

When most people are talking about sex; are they talking about having a relationship? Would you find sex necessary without a relationship? While I am an older widow, the possiblility of "sex" knocks on every door. There are sex toys, computer dating sites, young people and divorced parents who consider me desirable because I am "settled"; I simply don't find any of these a decent subsitute for "chemistry with someone".
What are your thoughts?

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In point of fact relationship and sex are two things and that tone with each other and without it sex becomes ugly

Did Kinsey write about this subject, even as ill-defined as we have it here?

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Originally Posted by blazeofglory

In point of fact relationship and sex are two things and that tone with each other and without it sex becomes ugly

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That's a bit judgemental, coming from a philospher.

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

Did Kinsey write about this subject, even as ill-defined as we have it here?

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Don't you imagine we're alot more honest that the people in Kinseys day; I can just see him walking up to some sweet housewife in her heels, silk stockings and pleated skirt saying "have you ever masturbated"... Oh did he ask the women that?

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Originally Posted by MarkBastable

That's a bit judgemental, coming from a philospher.

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I believe Blaze is just giving his opinion; and personally, I find sex without the benefit of some steady relationship a bit destabilizing. It's like having a revolving house and having to constantly look for the bathroom and kitchen:eek2:

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I believe Blaze is just giving his opinion;

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That might be so but I think his posts in this thread and in the infidelity thread are clashing.

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

That might be so but I think his posts in this thread and in the infidelity thread are clashing.

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Yes, I can't quite imagine what Blaze experiences every day, sitting in his bedroom in India and being aware of all the terrible things going on right outside of his window because of a lack of the control he speaks of ; yet, writing on his computer, he is connected to another world with entirely different ideas of sexual behavior.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Yes, I can't quite imagine what Blaze experiences every day, sitting in his bedroom in India and being aware of all the terrible things going on right outside of his window because of a lack of the control he speaks of ; yet, writing on his computer, he is connected to another world with entirely different ideas of sexual behavior.

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Truth be told, I am not sure what you mean in your post and how it is supposed to help interpret the differences in his posts in different threads.

Havind said that, I think I am about done here; so, no worries.

:)

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

Truth be told, I am not sure what you mean in your post and how it is supposed to help interpret the differences in his posts in different threads.

Havind said that, I think I am about done here; so, no worries.

:)

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I hope you will continue to post on this site, as well as others, Scher, we all enjoy your comments!

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

When most people are talking about sex; are they talking about having a relationship? Would you find sex necessary without a relationship? While I am an older widow, the possiblility of "sex" knocks on every door. There are sex toys, computer dating sites, young people and divorced parents who consider me desirable because I am "settled"; I simply don't find any of these a decent subsitute for "chemistry with someone".
What are your thoughts?

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To me having "chemistry" is nice, but when you have an itch that needs scratching and there is no special guy why deny yourself.. To me sex is natural, it's about two people enjoying each others company and giving each other pleasure.

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Originally Posted by papayahed

To me having "chemistry" is nice, but when you have an itch that needs scratching and there is no special guy why deny yourself.. To me sex is natural, it's about two people enjoying each others company and giving each other pleasure.

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I constantly find myself learning from you, papayahead! When there is no special guy; what is the criteria for the man you are with? What do you do to orgasm if you are not attracted to him.
That is the difficulty I recall with my marriages: I didn't love my first husband, nor was I attracted, so I tried to imagine someone else...that wasn't to hard because he didn't expect much participation. I loved my second husband; but wasn't attracted to him in bed. It was difficult to try to get an orgasm though; he wanted active participation and I had "run low" on fantasies.:redface:

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I constantly find myself learning from you, papayahead! When there is no special guy; what is the criteria for the man you are with?

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:blush: It has to be someone I like and both parties need to understand the "relationship".

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Yes, I can't quite imagine what Blaze experiences every day, sitting in his bedroom in India and being aware of all the terrible things going on right outside of his window because of a lack of the control he speaks of ; yet, writing on his computer, he is connected to another world with entirely different ideas of sexual behavior.

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I Understand your dilemma of understanding me as I use different ideas in different threads. All I want to be is honest. I do not want to hook myself like a philosopher who is always inflexibly hooked sets of ideas.

Ideas change. We humans are confused. different ideas evolve and revolve around us at different times and one idea may clash or contradict with another. Should I stick to one particular thought? Besides, we are here all set to share what crops up in our minds and I think that does not demand of us to be rigid to particular ideas. I am not from India.I am from Nepal.
Your are right I am connected to another world where ideas on sexual behavior is rather different and liberal.

I agree my ideas oftentimes seem contradictory. I am totally aware of them. But as I said earlier I want to be honest to what I feel at that particular moment. At one moment I maybe hooked to particular ideas and I may agree with those things and express here and at another moment I may have a different opinion and I put forth them.

In fact all of us are a little confused lots. Should we think and write fixedly, rigidly? Do not our ideas change quite often? When we read different books, listen to different people our ideas maybe shaped or conditioned and our expressions become then influenced.

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Originally Posted by blazeofglory

I am not from India.I am from Nepal.
Your are right I am connected to another world where ideas on sexual behavior is rather different and liberal.

I agree my ideas oftentimes seem contradictory. I am totally aware of them. But as I said earlier I want to be honest to what I feel at that particular moment. At one moment I maybe hooked to particular ideas and I may agree with those things and express here and at another moment I may have a different opinion and I put forth them.

In fact all of us are a little confused lots. Should we think and write fixedly, rigidly? Do not our ideas change quite often? When we read different books, listen to different people our ideas maybe shaped or conditioned and our expressions become then influenced.

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I'm sorry Blaze, I had looked up your city; but in most of our literature, it makes reference to India.
We all have contradictory thoughts all of the time; It's what makes us human. I have often thought that your situation must be particularly difficult, though; because with the forum here, you are in two cultures at once. We all appreciate your thoughts.

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Originally Posted by papayahed

:blush: It has to be someone I like and both parties need to understand the "relationship".

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:cool: That's so cool! Have you had any guys who say they understand the relationship and start stalking you afterwards:D

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I'm sorry Blaze, I had looked up your city; but in most of our literature, it makes reference to India.
We all have contradictory thoughts all of the time; It's what makes us human. I have often thought that your situation must be particularly difficult, though; because with the forum here, you are in two cultures at once. We all appreciate your thoughts.

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I understand it. In fact Nepal and India are culturally one though they are two geopolitical countries. And I confess you are totally right and as I am from a different cultural background and all I wrote is not exactly what happens in our society. Ours is a very traditionally rooted country with all age-old values. Faith, fidelity, trust are some of the values that are always greatly cherished in our part of the world.

What I agree with you is also on the fact that I am in two cultures at the same time and most of what I write down here come from what I read in western books and western cinemas and I have no firsthand knowledge of your cultures and I neither have been to your countries nor ever have I discussed other than on forums.

All that make my ideas contradictory but I suppose I do not bore you with my ideas.

In my opinion, I don't think that there are any pros of celibacy. Sex is a healing act when done with someone that you love. It is unhealthy to suppress your sexuality. I read some book about sexual energy and its healing properties. It was very interesting and a welcome change from the chastity talks I got growing up.