To morning,

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ChuckBukowski

A world without chocolate
what a world that would be
with millions of cocoa beans
living and free

Not roasted then ground
into powdery mush
but hanging quite daintily
on a lively green bush

the babes they would cry
and the women would moan
the men would rejoice
for reclaiming their throne

longtime relationships would no longer shatter
as women stared
and then queried
"Honey, is my *** getting fatter?"

"Why, no dear, its not
now that chocolate is gone.
Its seems 'twas the culprit
of corpulent all along."

And throughout the land
in every hamlet and hood
Red Twizzlers would rise
as the next greatest food

---

I love this! Well done!

hi there,
My family have chocolate's business I'm sure they will be happy by reading this poem. :ladysman: I think they should pay you for this advertisement " :thumbs_up just kidding ".This is honestly a splendid poem .
thank u 4 it

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Samercury

A world without chocolate !!! What a nightmare that would be. I shiver at the thought.......

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nightshade

To me,
the epitome,
of a tragedy,
would be
A world without
chocolate.

---

I totally agree with you both...and I really like the poem.... :D

I was wondering about the punctuation on this can someone have a look at it for me? thanks
_______________________________________
What’s the point in holding fast,
To the anger of the past?
Is there a point in holding tight,
Fighting life with all your might?
There's no point in crying Halt;
"Stop right now I will revolt!"

Death comes to all and this is true
But not the end of my tale for you.
And so please don't start to cry my dear,
Don’t you dare shed that tear.

Cause wherever you go I'll be there
in the wind that stirs your hair,
In the water at your feet
The oceans waves, my heart's beat.

So think and tell of me, my dear
Spread the word to all who will hear.
When we cant be seen anywhere
We are round you in the air.
Those you love would never leave,
A little hope you must believe.

I always think poetry is very personal and the punctuation depends upon the individual or the mood. A big fan of e e cummings I can skip it altogether but I did look your lovely poem over and here’s what I think you may want to change.

First verse:

Second and fourth lines should end with a question mark – past? might?

Last line maybe an exclamation mark or a period – revolt!”

Second verse:

Death come should be - Death comes


Third verse: (my favorite, btw) :)

Cause wherever you go Ill be there – Ill should be - I’ll

Last verse:

Third line cant should be – can’t

Hope this helps.

Thabnks me and punctuation don't mix much :D:D

You're very welcome, Night. It's a sorrowful and yet sweet poem. I think you can get a title out of the last two lines or some of the others perhaps.

Well it wants to be called Grass harp or have you heard the grass harps?
At the moment Im arguing with it.

Nice poem...

thanks avalive
:D

Another "word experiment"
Im not sure about the second to last line being balanced what do you think??
____________________________________

Where the tear of the unicorn falls
There rises a golden mist
Guiding us, it leads on
Hinting at utter bliss.

“Tread softly” says the voice
As ethereal maidens dance
Let us not stray from the path
Lest we be homeward bound.

At the crossroads we must part
He goes on and fades away
And I- I turn back
To face another day.

Hey Night, this is good but I think that in:

Where the tear of the unicorn falls
There rises a golden mist
Guiding us, it leads on
Hinting at utter bliss.

You are loosing the balance and there is no rhythm. But I love the last one:

At the crossroads we must part
He goes on and fades away
And I- I turn back
To face another day.

Ahh there wasnt meant to be a rhym except at the end to round it off. Thanks anyhow. Why is the balance off do you think?

I think that "mist" and "bliss" do not seem to rhyme together much but overall it is pretty good.

noted thanks :D