Pam

The PAM stages battles with collectible Star Wars figures and Darth Vader always wins the battles.

PAM is full of beans!

The only seats you can find in PAM's house are beanbags filled with Lima Beans.

The PAM buys only the finest Spams.

PAM loves bacon sooooo much he always has an emergency stash in his sock.

Pam eats socks, but only after they've been matured for 28 days (after 28 days wear). This longue durée approach saves money on washing powder but means the chiller is full of socks.

PAM steals his neighbor's wifi.

PAM steals her neighbor's gnomes

PAM is a stolen gnome.

PAM has a statue of Miley Cyrus in his bedroom

PAM is misinformed.

PAM dresses as Elvis when lounging around the house. "My White, Jewel encrusted pant suit is the perfect sunday brunch outfit" he was heard saying.

Pam has been positively identified as Sasquatch!

PAM has a coat that is made of Sasquatch's hair

Yes, but only from the ones that grow between the toes.

Pam failed her Sasquatch hunting exam 43 times.