Cynosure: that which gains attention by provocative tail wagging
Sinecure:
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Cynosure: that which gains attention by provocative tail wagging
Sinecure:
Sinecure: Jobs usually reserved for sycophants...
Rhythm:
Rhythm: a method liable to failure.
Contraceptive
Contraceptive: Proof that 6 million years of human reproductive instinct can be taken in by 30 cents worth of extra-sheer latex.
Natural selection
Natural Selection: Extolling the perfect design of a grasshopper's leg, while at the same time denying any source of intelligent design
Agnostic:
Agnostic: Someone seated in the backseat of a taxi between a theist and an atheist who has just been asked to give his opinion to settle an argument.
Rom-Com
Rom-Com: Something which induces nausea and the desire to remove ones eyes with a spoon.
Yoga
Yoga - A system of low-impact physical exercise, unless you slip and fall while doing a pose like the Garudasana, in which case it becomes high-impact.
Polygamy
Polygamy: Owning multiple parrots
Deduction
Deduction: What someone on a diet hopes to see after gently setting the left foot, cringing, exhaling a deep breath, and then slowly placing the right foot on the scale in the morning.
Vampire
Vampire: the anger felt towards women who use sexual attraction to exploit men.
California
California: That part of the western United States destined to fall into the ocean.
Major Arcana
Major Arcana: Trumps in the deck of Tarot apparently designed at random by an drunken medium in pitch darkness
Fortune Telling:
Fortune Telling: One "Robin Hood" telling another "Robin Hood" where the investment bankers hang out.
Pendulum
Pendulum: An instrument having a weight suspended by a chain that can be used to tell if your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is cheating on you. To determine this, take the pendulum by the end of the chain and steady the weight. Then ask it, “Which direction means ‘Yes’?” If it is working properly, the weight will move either forward and backward or left and right instead of aimlessly wobbling about. Once you know ‘Yes’, ask it, “Which direction means ‘No’?” If it is working properly, the weight will swing in a different direction. Finally, ask the important question: “Is my girlfriend (or boyfriend) cheating on me?” If you get the answer you want, stop bothering the pendulum and deal with the problem of your cheating girlfriend (or boyfriend). Otherwise, go for two out of three and ask it again.
Bungee Jumping
Bungee Jumping - A variation of the pendulum, with a rubberized cord instead of a chain, and a reckless adrenaline junkie as the weight.
Temerarious
Temerarious : Knowing better than to do something but never able to resist the temptation
Intelligentsia:
Intelligentsia: A subgroup of sheep, believed to have better brains than the others, who can be expected to repeat without questioning whatever some authority tells them thereby adding their own authority to the nonsense making it harder for the rest of us sheep to dispute it.
Spontaneous Combustion
Spontaneous Combustion - a rather extreme way for an author to get rid of an unnecessary character, and generate yet more metaphors for fog (see Bleak House by Charles Dickens)
Solaris
Solaris: Solaris. Hmm. What could this mean?
(1) A unix operating system?
(2) A fictional, watery planet that is aware and watching us as we monkey with it? Gaia on steroids. I haven’t read it.
(3) A sunny place, a happy face?
Wifi
Wifi: an Internet connection that's so bad it stinks.
Clone
Solaris: the story of an ill-starred love affair between an ocean and a boy.
Clone: a lonely C - see Solaris.
Empire of the Sun
Empire of the Sun - The British Empire, on which the sun never used to set.
Renaissance Man
Renaissance Man: A person who is as fascinated by the internal purple wobbly bits of living things as he is in designing weapons of mass destruction. The second interest ensures a reliable supply of fresh corpses to dissect in pursuit of first.
Glass Ceiling:
Glass Ceiling: Commonly used excuse as to why there are not more women in positions of authority in American Industry. because God forbid we say that a particular female lacks certain skills her opponent (who is male) has. If it were another woman who was promoted over this same position, the rumor would probably be that the other woman slept her way up...
Counter-productive:
Counter-productive: Militant feminism.
Masculinism:
Masculinism: Proof that men aren’t any smarter than women.
Hot Yoga
A mind over matter endurance test in which the participant, who stands barefoot on a bed of hot coals, tries to convince himself that his feet are not being burned off, in spite of evidence to the contrary.
Messiah.
Messiah: God's only son, according to the followers of many different gods.
Manumission
Manumission: What you can do when you can’t afford your slaves anymore and their market price is not worth the commission to sell them. In a society where slavery is banned, it is called “getting laid off”.
Your Other Left
Manumission - The act of freeing something that didn't belong to you in the first place.
Edit - Your Other Left - the right hand/paw of the directionally challenged like Winnie-the-Pooh and Sigmund Freud.
Lawyer
Lawyer: A well-dressed and articulate thief, prone to obfuscate, inveigle, and confuse the issue at hand with irrelevant questions which he or she can easily withdraw when censured and people assume the jury doesn't hear it, or is going to heed the Judge's order to disregard. :angel:
Doctor:
Doctor: The person to see when you have a disease. The person to sue when the disease gets the better of you.
Bardolatry
Bardolatry: The worship of Brigitte Bardot.
Calligraphy
Calligraphy: a form of self-important writing; suicide notes don't seem so sad when written in calligraphy.
Catawampus
Catawampus: the only animal likely to survive mankind's "custodianship" of the Earth.
Custodian
Custodianship: A form of responsibility and trust limited to temporarily taking care of something for someone else, but not responsible for it being there in the first place.
Past Life Regression
Past Life Regression: Channelling your inner Neanderthal
Neanderthal
Neanderthal: The Missing Link, or perhaps just the skeleton of a man with severe arthritis, or maybe this guy in a previous life:
http://augustafreepress.com/wp-conte...Jim-Duggan.png
Evolution:
Evolution: A transformation in the positive direction like going from a Neanderthal to a modern, civilized human being. The opposite, devolution, reverses the direction. This is how your boyfriend or girlfriend views what happened to you just prior to breaking up.
Ion Thruster