Famous Quoted Line Poetry Contest

Here on these low, unshadowed salts
God's raptors bring a quick and brittle end
To frightened heartbeat scavengers;
They tell them: Brother, no glory descends.

Not from my yellow-tarnished talons,
Not from these gold and bloody skies:
No valkyrie stripped to angel wings,
No Nike to the battlefield come I.

Slow dust motes rise against their turning flight,
And reach a height, and settle back again;
And sing the only song the Basin knows;
They whisper: Brother, no glory descends.

Thanks for your submissions, all.

YesNo:

I like the simplicity and the music of your poem. It's sort of "you get what you expect" if I read it correctly: if you're looking for "glory" you will manage to find it.

North Star:

Fantastic minimalist piece. I admire how you were able to paint such a vivid picture with only a handful of words.

Pompey Bum (I hope the streets of Pompey have been kind to you lately :) ):

A literal reading of your poem makes it about birds of prey (in the desert?) but I'm afraid I don't see the bigger theme behind it. I thought the structure and rhythm of the poem were great, though.


Finally, I pick North Star as the winner for that truly powerful submission.

Congratulations, North. :)

And Joe, my poem was about a God who brings us nothing but death, and a human yearning that comes to the same end. And yes, it was inspired by watching birds hunting in the Great Basin area of Nevada earlier in the year.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by _Joe_

North Star:

Fantastic minimalist piece. I admire how you were able to paint such a vivid picture with only a handful of words.

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Thank you very much, Joe & Pompey.



From Shelley's Ozymandias
"The lone and level sands stretch far away"

Deadline: Sunday, May 17th

The Wandering Soul

There are moments when your eyes become lost
and I feel myself begin to disappear,
shadows pass over your face
and I can see the phantoms lingering
behind your gaze.

There are places inside your soul
I can never reach,
the lone and level sands stretch far away
where a part of you still wanders
unable to find your way back home.

A walk among the endless dead,
there are no words for these moments,
only my undeniable presence,
a touch in those secret spaces that only I know,
to help guide you back to yourself.

The lone and level sands stretched far away.
“You won’t be going that way,” someone said
And yet I did one Spring-drenched, hopeful day.
Not every dream must bloom before it’s dead.

Any more submissions coming?

the lone and level sands stretch far away
all the way
passed the planes
and mountain trail
further apart
and stay
awaiting a newer plating
a movement
stating
the wind perhaps to take them
back to where they began
it is nature
asserting
a distance to all that sway
with a closeness that may

You have time to submit until tomorrow afternoon, GMT.

poetic songs lie dormant
in silenced echoes of time
lone and level sands stretch far
reaching for the oasis
of fertile imaginations

(This is "Writers Block 3" that follows
2 previous poems I penned in the
photo poetry game a while back)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Melanie

poetic songs lie dormant
in silenced echoes of time
lone and level sands stretch far
reaching for the oasis
of fertile imaginations

(This is "Writers Block 3" that follows
2 previous poems I penned in the
photo poetry game a while back)

---

Lovely poem, but you need to modify it if you want it to qualify for the competition, as the whole line is "The lone and level sands stretch far away".

Thanks but I checked the Original Post of this Thread and the entire first page of this thread and most of the original poets there did not use the quote in it's entirety, nor even verbatim. What I used was actually a quote within the quote (omitting only the first and last word) and didn't change the meaning of the quote at all nor leave off any of it's meaning. I like my original poem as is and it's just for fun anyway.:smile5:

Dark Muse
Very potent work, and the line was used beautifully.

YesNo
I see you changed the tense of the original. Oh well. Beautiful piece, nonetheless.

cacian
Very nice imagery, I like the use of 'plating' in particular.

Melanie
Beautiful metaphorical use of the line and great imagery.

Congratulations all for doing a great job, but there can only be one winner, so it shall be Dark Muse and her wonderfully vivid poem.

Thank you, I will have a new quote posted soon.

Next Quote

My heart upon his warm heart lies

From The Heart of a Woman by Yeats

Deadline: May 30