Lymerick

A butt is best viewed from behind.
From the front other things you will find
And you’d have to take care
She don’t see where you stare
But with luck you’ll find she doesn’t mind.

Now gentlemen do have a care
when at ladies behinds you do stare
for if you raise their dander
with sauce for the gander
the goose will pinch your derriere

A gander's a masculine fowl,
But so is the great horny owl:
He takes quite a gander
Whose goosing whose dander;
But only asks "Who?" with a scowl.

Jack Schitt reported that he had finally gotten over how Peeca and his cousin Dipp spent that weekend decades ago which led to darling Lill popping out nine months later and when Peeca was asked how she felt about Jack she asked, “Jack Who?”

Forgiveness is best some have said
And forgetting will come when you’re dead
Unless you live on
After they say you’ve gone
On to fight in some heaven instead.

There once was a gal's derrière
That was high and fine and most fair
It wiggled and shook
Drew many a look
But then expelled an unholy air

Is it time to lay behinds to rest
and let owls snooze away in their nests
Here's to more fragrant musings
with which to show some things
are often ignored for the best.

The lady is right--I'll be blunt.
For loftier themes must we hunt:
Of angel and fairy
In bright uplands airy;
Just don't make us rhyme with "eyes front."

The sky is as blue as it’s sweet
And the birds up above love to tweet
And the grass is as green
As this limerick’s clean
Bathed in sky from its head to its feet.

Now its good to see sky that is blue,
But I prefer much darker hues
For the sky lit at night
by the stars is a sight
That calls out for a red wine or two.

While cool night brings a certain contrast
To hot day since sharp shadows have passed
Into darker delights,
Weary worries and frights,
But loose ghosts, hopefully, will not last.

There once was a fellow named Snyder
Had a gal and walked alongside her
But Snyder was crass
Possessed little class
With his Rocky Mountain Barking Spider

There are plenty of fauna to blame
When that fart makes a sound you can’t tame.
There is nowhere to hide
When the smell reeks inside
But why hide when the dog does the same?

There once was a man undecided
whose dog raced along quite lopsided
For his poor little paws
couldn't keep up, because
of the jet power his owner provided.

A dog is so faithful and true
Even when you are bad he’s not blue,
But his tail will be wagging,
To his friends he’ll be bragging
That he’s proud he belongs to just you.

There once was a fellow named Morty
On the street with his dog Shorty
He called girls "Honey"
Asked them for money
All so's he could afford a forty