Would You??

That is one of the most interesting and original questions we've had yet, not to mention thought provoking. The answer is yes. Without books I'd go mad. And, as I've mentioned elsewhere, I tend towards the poetic when it comes to prose, because for me the sound and feel of language is as important as the story it tells, thus never knowing the ending of a book would by no means defeat the purpose of reading. Then there is the stimulative and sedative effect on the brain. Yes, definitely keep reading, even if I never did learn it was Colonel Pepper in the drawing room with the candlestick.

Would you go on a date with your dream girl/guy if you knew in advance that at least once in the evening you'd break wind with alarming force and volume?

tough one---dignity is important and the chance for a second date might be riding on it...id say aye mayyyyyyyyybe if I could successfully forewarn the girl and turn the whole flatulent fiasco into a part of the evening.

tv and movies are replete with girls having to change clothes in the presence of their male counterparts on screen. the men initially turn around, but as often as not, seem to fail at completely staying that way. would you peek?

What kind of a question is that? Of course I would. Especially considering the girls in movies and television are gorgeous. Matter of fact, I'd have a stealth HD camera hidden in my collar, and when I ostensibly turned around, secretly be watching the girl on my phone.

And for my previous question, the all-important one about farting, there's no opportunity to warn the girl ahead of time and sort of smooth things over first. If you were going to go out with her, it would mean facing the moment of truth like a man--looking her right in the eye as you blasted one out, so loudly the waiter turned around in the midst of placing mixed drinks on the table next to you.

Would you buy me a cold drink on a hot day, a hot drink on a cold day, and an alka seltzer after three alarm chili?

almost too many variables to decide...you can say yes and hope she's a good sport, but if not, and she leaves horrified or there's no second date, you can think, ah okay, there's always more fish (even dream girls) in the pond, but if she tells other people you may be tainted forever...it might even depend on the girl or what youre doing on the date. a fun luvin' girl at the carnival after lots of junk food, compared to a sort of dignified lady type in the middle of a fancy restaurant. am I successfully dodging answering yet? smiles...

I say yes, yes and probably "BYOAS" laughs...

if you could get rich pulling a lip synching ruse like milli vanilli, would you do it?

No. Didn't the one dude kill himself?

Would you devote a weekend to a Walking Dead marathon?

Yes I have done it before.

If there was a show that already had its final season and wasn't on anymore but people kept talking about how good it was, would you watch it via streaming or rental? Or just forget about it?

hahahaha. I'm still trying to watch Breaking Bad.

If you could only take one trip this year whould you visit family (presuming you don't live near them) or take the opportunity to go on a great vacation?

Go see my grandkids in Nashville for two weeks.

If you could have one wish granted for certain, would you risk asking?

I say yes...but the way the you worded that question makes me think you suspect that the granted wish would have some sort of terrible unforeseen consequence?

if you had a chance to go back in your life to live an event over and do it another way, would you? (and boy itd be fun to hear about the event)

No. Firstly, because I know I wouldn't be who I am now, living the life I am, if I changed anything. Second, because, as with the granting of wishes, there is no way of knowing in advance how things will turn out, so a do-over won't necessarily make things better. Of course, I did have this one girlfriend with a body whose every towering inch was like a trip to Guy Disneyland, and boy would I like to have another crack at her... See, that was a joke. Crack? I've got a million of 'em.

Would you rather have years of boring sex with a person you love, or years of incredible sex with a person you are emotionally neutral about? (Guys, please try no to be boring with this one.)

If I had to choose I'd choose boring sex with a person I love. I suppose that's boring but I could always try to liven up the sex.

Would you create another screen name to keep tabs on somebody?

There have been times when I was tempted to do something like that but I hadn't actually followed through. So it is in the realm of possibilty of something I might do depending on the circumstances.

Would you hire a private investigator to follow a spouse if you suspected they might be cheating but were not really sure?

apart from that im pretty fiscally, er, conservative....laughs....and wouldn't want to spend the dollars on such a thing, I think I am my own good private investigator. but my goodness, id sooner have the conversation smack dab out in the open. i see the "investigating" itself as de facto problematic.


keeping in the theme of infidelity, if we've not asked this one before (though its sounding familiar), if you were good friends with a married couple and learned that one was cheating on the other, would you intervene in some capacity?

That is not a secret I would be willing to keep. I would tell the one who was cheeting that either they told their spouse or I would even if it ended the fiendship I wouldn't cover for them doing that especially if I was also friends with the spouse.

If you were dating soneone who wanted you to stop seeing a close friend of yours because they were jealous would you give up your friend or end the relationship?

Oh, **** me, end the relationship. If she requires me to dismiss a good friend, **** her, there are other spankable asses in the sea.

Would you secretly watch a series intended for teens, and teenage girls at that, even though you're a middle-aged man, 'cause you could watch it on Netflix in the privacy of your own home and no one'd ever know? Not that I'd ever do that.

well, a series, probably not, but this past year I become a pretty big fan of twilight...read the books and watched all the movies and thoroughly enjoyed them. id say the target audience is young adult and given the romance element, probably especially suited for girls. im not sure how many males got caught up in the team Edward vs team Jacob debate.

by the way, its totally team Edward. laughs...

if you lost all your books to some accident, would you work to replace your collection?

I got caught up in the Twilight movies and books when it all first came out, bounty, and I have to agree, it's team Edward. ;-)

Your question about the books is so frightening I'm afraid to repeat it, and also an interesting question. The only books I'd want to replace would be the rare, collectible ones, which very likely couldn't be replaced, anyway. My practice over the years with ordinary books has been to give them away when I'm done reading them, as I see no point in cluttering my home (more, that is) with books I've already read. I think my answer, then, is no. I'd mourn the loss of the precious volumes, and move on.

Would you subscribe to Spotify because you like their service, even though they're being sued by a number of musicians you respect and are a fan of, and as a musician yourself are concerned about musicians not being paid properly for their work, if, indeed, Spotify is guilty of that?

No I would not sunscribe to Spotify I just listen to Pandora for free.

Would you deny liking or pretend not to like a band you really enjoy because most the people you know think they suck?

Definitely not, Muse. I've gone through essentially my whole life loving music few of my peers did, especially when I was young, and often really not liking the music they were into, which was generally considered much more fashionable. Music is one thing I'm not willing to compromise on. OK, music and anchovies. I won't eat anchovies.

If you were sick of dealing with hair and wanted to just buzz it all off for convenience's sake, would you avoid doing so owing to the reactions and looks you'd get from others?

No I would not, when I was in high school I started getting the back of my neck shaved becsuse it made my hair more managable and comftrable, not the same as shaving your who,e head but when I did it thrn I got sone strange looks and reactions.

Would you date a woman who was bald or a guy who had waist length hair?

the file sharing/streaming music phenomena has certainly sparked some interesting ethical conversations.

I found the bald woman in star trek the motion picture (terrible movie!) very very attractive. so while women's hair can be great, the absence of its not a deal breaker by a long shot.

if you met who appears to be the love of your life, but in order to continue to be with that person you had to leave the country you are presently living in and go to another, would you go?

Probably, if the logistics worked out. It's not just about love is it? I would have to be able to create a stable happy life work-wise as well as personal-wise. Can my love move to me?

If you got bad service somewhere would you write an online review?

Probably not, I might post about it in my blog if it was really bad but I wouldn't do yelp or something like that I just wouldn't go there again.

If you were in a library or book store would you recomend a book you really liked to a stranger you saw browsing books?

laughs...I do that every chance I get muse! I love doing that. had a guy this summer buy three or four. i told the proprietor she should hire me!

I have even done the opposite, solicited advice from strangers about authors I don't know anything about. that was a fun question and brought back some good memories.

well then, in keeping with the question---would you actually buy the book and read it if someone did that with you?

That's an interesting one, Muse. It's been so long since I've been in a bookstore (used to spend countless hours in that sacred place) that I'm trying to remember. I think I vaguely remember being in that situation a couple of times, when someone browsing in the same section was debating whether to buy a book I'd read and liked. My inclination is to say no, at least at this stage of my life, because I try to avoid contact and entanglements of any kind with other human beings.

bounty, the beautiful bald woman in Star Trek: The Motionless Picture was Persis Khambatta, a very beautiful Indian actress who sadly died of cancer at about the age of thirty.

Picking up on your question about relocating to be with the love of your life, is there a maximum distance from your parents/children, etc. you would move? i.e., if the prospective location was more than 500 miles away from them, let's say, would you still go?

I currently live 1000 miles from my family. My initial reaction is to say I wouldn't worry about the distance but after thinking about it I currently only see them about twice a year if I moved to the other side of the world that would probably cut down a bit. But if it's a really good gig in a really good place I would go. no maximum distance.

If you really excited to go on vacation to a certain place and your significant other didn't really want to go would you talk them in to going, would you go without them, or would you not go?

I would not go alone if I could not talk them into coming but if it was a family vacation or sonething planned with other people I would go without my significant other if they really didn't want to.

If your significant had a hobby or interest that you never really cared for would you try to get into it to participate in it with them or would you do your own thing while they were involved with it?

I might, yes, probably. My father grew up an avid sports fan and athlete, and came from a background where nothing to do with the arts or with the exploration of delicate or refined feelings existed. When he met my mother, out of love for her, he gradually learned about the ballet, which is her great passion. At first and for a long time, just getting him to sit there and watch it was a struggle, but he eventually came to love it just as she does. Now, if, on the other hand, I fell for a gal who was into NASCAR, we might have a problem.

If they ever legalize a "peaceful pill," a suicide pill which causes you to simply fall asleep, never to wake up, would you take it at some point?

Yes. But I don't necessarily need a pill to be legalized. I could do the same thing with sleeping pills and a bottle of whiskey.

Would you go to the movies alone?

If I still went to the movies, yes, I used to do it all the time. As it stands, I haven't been inside a movie theater in at least ten years. iTunes and Netflix, baby, that's the way to do it.

If, as I did today, you used the facilities and produced a stench sufficient to peel the paint off the walls--and I mean in a building three miles away--would you go so far as to clean the entire bathroom, including mopping the floor with bleach, as I did?

Nope. I'd, as I did today, leave it floating around in there for others to enjoy, as I did. (Had a Leopold Bloom thing going on)

Would you give a sucker an even break in a friendly, low-stakes game of Texas Hold 'em?

If I knew how to play Texas Hold 'em, or any other variety of poker, I still wouldn't.

If you'd built a fire in your wood stove and it was a real loser, just wouldn't burn despite a good deal of fiddling, would you stoically accept your defeat, utter an expletive, and toast yourself another bagel?

Nope. I'd squirt at good deal of liquid accelerant on it, and then stand back and enjoy the fire (and a toasted bagel) while contemplating my new life without eyebrows.

(Safety's for sissies)

If a panhandler walked up to you on the street and delivered a really good spiel; I mean a story that is clearly BS but is nonetheless well performed, earnestly, would you fork over some spare change, or would you tell him to hit the bricks?

Because I am a New Yorker, I wouldn't stop at telling him to hit the bricks, I'd ask him to tell his mother that while she was good, I'd had better.

Having lost your eyebrows, Sancho, would you shave off the remaining hair on your person and go for that THX-1138, post-modern man look?

No way, man. If I were to shave all the hairs offa my entire personage, how am I supposed to keep my socks from falling down?

If you could, would you chuck wood, like a woodchuck would?

Intercourse that. I'd kill the woodchuck, gather his remaining three pieces of chucked wood, and do a dance on Main Street declaring "It's three! That's how much sodding wood a woodchuck can chuck! Now bugger off, the lot of ya!"

Would you marry me, Sancho?

BAH-hahaha

No. But it's not you, TC. It's me. I must be moving on now, 'cos I'm free, like a bird.
Hell yeah! Play some Scynyrd, man!

If there were a pill you could take that would smooth down all of your rough edges, would you take it? Oh, and this pill doesn't just smooth those edges down, it obliterates them. It will make you the smartest person in the room, also the richest, best-looking, most successful, most popular, etc etc. But here's the catch: you wouldn't really be all of those things, you'd just think you were, totally, for the rest of your life. You'd have a really good life - in your head. But to everybody else you'd just be some schlub driving a twenty year-old, broken-down Toyota Corolla and living in a double-wide.

So, would you take it?

No, but considering how many people appear to have taken that pill, one assumes it already exists. And don't be dissin' the Corolla, that was my first car. And don't quote Freebird, neither, 'less you can play that whole guitar solo *and* live in a double wide.

If you were a national bird, what kind of bird would you be? And don't get cute.

I would be a bluejay because I like the color and I'm a baseball team mascot.

If your rent payment decreased by $500 would you say something?

I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you asking, if my landlord lowered my rent by $500, would I say something? And say something to whom, the landlord? If this is what you mean, I would probably say something to the landlord just to make sure I didn't end up owing a ton of back rent or getting evicted. And if the landlord said no, the rent is just lower now, I'd take the money, go to Scandinavia and hunt for twin hotties named Inga and Ingrid.

If you discovered that eating huge salads made you fart in a way that could be used to extract confessions from suspected terrorists, would you continue eating large salads, whether or not you went to work for Homeland Security?