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My way out
A glimmer of hope is visible through my eyes.
A way out of the darkness, a way out of the lies.
I’ve grabbed my stuff, ready to go.
But where I’m going, I don’t know.
Away from all this fear and dread.
Away from all the things unsaid.
To run away from all my woe,
I plan to take the road of crow.
The only thing I see ahead
Is peace and quiet in my head.
Don’t stop me now, I’m almost there.
It’s time to end my great despair.
~ Evo
Black and white and one way out.
You take it and don't think about
Some safer path that might be there.
While we see monsters everywhere
It's not that dark. For you, it's bright.
Those monsters fear you day or night.
Terrific photo.
Alright, here's my entry. It's one of my first, so don't throw food. :)
An apple is only as fair as it’s skin
Men say
And men only as good as their mien
‘Tis a pity then that serendipity has
Has you roaming through the dark.
With your mind full of pleasure and a skin with a grin
Hair with merriment
Lips which kiss
Eyes that the holy see
What a mishap then that this mishappened
Where a roaring mass of rampant men
Would have squabbled ceaselessly
About the colors they would employ
the curses they would spree
And now we only see
as a black apple
your many supposed colours wandering through the dark
your many supposed virtues undefined
Woe is me and
woe is you
- Roo
A girl shaped space
Since you left,
You're not everywhere,
Not in the street, not on the stair,
Others cannot see,
The swing of your hips,
The shine of your hair,
And walk straight past,
Your girl shaped space.
But I stop and stare,
I catch your evanescence on the air,
I see you not there, and there,
I see the space you've left,
Everywhere.
Eternity
from downtown insanity
to uptown eternity,
no package nor baggage
through a narrow passage
will enter the gates
of paradise...
only you
so simplify, let go
temptations to spend, forego
one can admire it
but needn't own it
and what's saved can be
gifted to...
help others
She faces the steps of black and white
Wondering if that is all there is of life
Shouldn't things be shades of gray?
Shouldn't one be free to chose their own way?
They say to her that the way to the top is these stairs
But she sees beyond the prejudice and indignant stares
If the stairs of black and white are the only way
She straightens her shoulders, turns, and walks away
Pendragon
way out it says
high up
is wake.
another
take on
life awaits.
or so to sake
its path
a lady makes
a walk up
jake.
out of the
fake
and onto
the light
the journey
faiths
a better date.
While heels clap and click
over edges moonlit
garnished by the late-hour allure
ascent lulls her each step
Fidelity's Silhouette
and tonight her escape is assured
bump :)
Thank you all who entered. This one was really hard, there were so many great entrees it was difficult to make myself pick a single winner.
YesNo
I enjoyed the concept of the poem and particularly liked the last line, and the idea that it is not only the dark to be feared, but the black widow is feared in the light as well. I did feel that some of the line breaks, and use of punctuation was a bit awkward at points, which made it more difficult to read, because it did not really flow smoothly.
Roawn
Really liked the originality of your poem, the first line caught my attention right away and drew me into wanting to read more. A great use of language. I really liked the subtle suggestiveness and sensuality and also enjoyed the play upon the apple symbolism.
prendrelemick
Love the concept and creativity of this poem. Just an interesting and original idea. I thought it was great the way this poem played with the idea of negative space. It is not what is seen, but what is not seen. I also liked how it was a bit satirical of the more traditional/cliched poem of lost love. I thought the opening lines were great.
Melanie
A beautiful poem and very well written. I particularly enjoyed the first stanza of the poem. I also liked the way in which this poem offered the opportunity of hope, there was a nice light hearted feel to it, and some evocative
imagery. I really enjoyed the lines
"from downtown insanity
to uptown eternity"
Pendragon
Really enjoyed the since of rebellion within this poem. I liked the way it challenged the idea presented within the picture, and offered another possibility, another path. I also enjoyed how the poem also made for a nice metaphor for life in general and the way we perceive things, the choices we always have the ability to make.
cacian
I really liked this one, cryptic as always. I enjoyed the use of rhyme and the originality. Your poems are always though provoking and entice the reader into multiple reads. I think there is a lot of power and meaning within this short poem. Finely crafted.
slipee
A very good poem with some vivid imagery which says a lot in a few short lines. Loved the visual this poem gave me, and the way in which it evoked the other senses. It really drew me into the scene. Also enjoyed the somewhat ambivalent nature. Much like the picture it suggests some possible dark undertone, and gives a touch of mystery.
And the winner is.....
EvoWarrior5
I felt your poem really captured the mood and atmosphere of the picture quite well. There was some good imagery here, and I also liked the way in which the poem told a story. In the same way in which the picture has dark undertone, while offering the possibility of light your poem shifts between despair, and freedom and hope.
No PICTURE??
I can see a dull sky
spanning the blank screen of my puter
As clouds float in the overhead sky
A gaggle of Kaleidoscopic pictures begins to appear
and light-paint a picture there
worth a thousand words!
Wow, thank you Dark Muse!
I did not expect to win, this was my first time and all. I gotta head off to bed now but I will make sure to post a new picture and deadline here tomorrow!
No picture?! My man, you're right!
Where there once was a picture
of Picasso or one's dickpic,
there now is a hole
where I wish he would stick
.. a pic.
Voila.
Black holes in the sky
Try to suck you in
Like a camel sucking water
and making us thirsty so
the picture gets completed.
great read!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by mazHur
mazHur where have you been haha nice to see you back!! :)
Dark Muse thank you and Evo congratulations a well deserved win indeed!!! :)
Hi casianQuote:
Originally Posted by cacian
I am here, back again, alive and kicking!
Thanks to my mod friend Veronica who is kind enough to give me a 'wake up' call whenever I am lost!:)
How are you doing??
Nice to hear from you, my friend.
Take care and keep in touch
love.
Alright, here is the picture I picked for you:
http://i.imgur.com/ErFXCbP.png
I'm excited to see what poems will come out of it and I am happy with this opportunity to be the judge!
Please post your entries before Sunday the 3rd of November. That's the day I will make sure to declare the winner.
Good luck everybody!
The sun is rising. See the light
Reflected by the quiet bay.
Our journey paused because of night,
But now resumes because of day.
Lone Arctic Kayaker
Stunned into silence by the magnitude
Of pristine beauty untouched by mankind
An inspirational journey in solitude
Nature's delicate balance defined
Humbled by the vastness of space and time
Snow covered mountains and skies mystify
Mirrored in waters of crystal design
Soothed by earth's sanctified lullaby
Into Dawn
A yellow triangle
In a world of pale blue
A kayak heading out
On a ocean of adventure
The Person unseen
Rows into the unknown
Purpose unstated, top of the world
Gray stones and blue arctic ice
In a sea of peaceful azure
The yellow triangle's contrast
Points out to sea
In the reflected light
Of a Midnight Sun's glow...
Pendragon
It's how it makes you feel.
Nosing out across the mirrored sky,
Impelled by muscle-will,
Steered by notions,
Ribbed paddle dipwaving,
Through reflected clouds,
Push-pulling against the waterweight,
Paddledips waking vortex swirls,
Diamond drops sparking from the edgecurve,
Splashing back into the motherlode,
Thoughts like ripples rushing outwards,onwards,
Across the surface to future shores.
Melanie, a friend of mine looked up the picture and said that it was somewhere by Canada. I do not know much more about it myself though.
Alright, this is the second poem that I dare expose to.. You know, people, so don't throw fruit at him. He's young and would cry in the literary-corner.
I like the choice of the picture, I think it opens up many interpretations. Awesome. :yawnb:
'Ere we go!
Chained light bulb
A choir of possibilities sings of chances that are left unspoilt
And the trees hear it with wooden ears
their leaves cry out of blasphemy
as I tell them that I am mighty.
More free than the wind that makes them dance to a sad tune
I stand so tall that I make the mountains sweat and shrug and
grow an inferiority-complex.
I am the captain of my own fate, and cut wailing wires where I want
The water is immense and without worry, it is wise and strong
and I will make it feel like the water left in an unfinished paper-cup
that nobody wants.
I contain no sharks, nor did I make the Titanic sink,
but this substance takes the shape of others
This sad sea sees the coasts, the beaches, and sees prison bars.
The clouds feel mighty and with my own might bestowed
I will make them feel like elder men, newly widowed.
The sun does rise and greet the world, so yellow and so indulged
I look onto that old sad veteran, and I see an old sad prisoner
in the sky
who should be tearful but remains a sad friendly giant
in the sky
who drinks scotch and calls up the moon and regrets regretful things
in the morning. In the sky.
I pity the sun, and I pity you.
We are more free.
- Roo
Ply on your canoe with care
treacherous is the aquatic snare
Clouds in the sky bow to Earth
Happy and gay and full of mirth
Rocks upping their snake heads
Cold wind slyly the heart bleds
Nature's forces are at their work
at lover's sometimes they do smirk
Have a heart, have a heart, O lover
soon your travail shall be over
Ply your boat with perseverance strong
Love's voyage may be tough and long
Let not Nature's cruelty make you deter
from Love's pursuit whatever may matter
Lover's who paddle their own canoe
Eventually their troubles will undo .
Alrightie, time is up!
I expected a few more entries, like from cacian or Dark Muse, but you can't always compete I guess!
I liked the entries that I got and it was very difficult to have to compare them to one another and to make one stand out as the winner. Let us start with the feedback first:
YesNo
I really love the rhythm and flow of your poem. It’s catchy and memorable. The problem I had with it was that I felt it had so much potential, yet it was cut short and the enjoyment wasn’t as long as one would hope. I would have liked it if you had built on it a bit more. Good job though!
Melanie
At first I felt it was a bit difficult to read through your poem, because I tried putting a rhythm to it and it did not really fit for me, which forced me to try and read it differently. Perhaps that was just my bad and maybe I should not have tried to put a certain rhythm on it.
Looking at the imagery, I really liked that in your poem. Your lines really express emotion and put a good image of the picture in my mind, great work there! I think I can say that I did not only hear your description in my mind, I also felt them.
Pendragon
I like what you did with referring to the front of the kayak as a yellow triangle, because that is all of what you can see of it in the picture. Your poem reflects the imagery well and I like how you speak of the unknown purpose and the unknown person. What contradicted a bit was the lines “ocean of adventure” and then things such as “a sea of peaceful azure”. That broke off the flow a bit for me. Overall well done though!
prendrelemick
Good descriptions of the movement of the kayak. I liked the change of perspective from mainly describing nature to describing it from the “view” of the kayak and what is going on around it rather than ahead. I must say that I liked the previous version of your poem a bit better though, before you edited it.
Rowan
Long poem, so this is going to take me a bit longer to talk about.. Let’s see, first off I am really impressed in general. You took the dynamic in the picture not just a step, but an entire leap further by speaking of your might, in several different aspects. One problem I had there is a stylistic one. You said things like “…it is wise and strong and I will make it feel like…” whereas if you had replaced ‘and’ with ‘, but’ it would have signified the upcoming contrast better. The line about the mountains was funny but could have been a bit better worded in my opinion.
I absolutely adored when you said that you contain no sharks nor made the Titanic sink, but that you are so much better in a sense that water must take the shape of whatever contains it, whereas you are your own free man.
Then the part about the sun. Really the same thing, I really loved the personification and how you compared it to an old sad prisoner in the sky. The line of scotch and calling up the moon felt awkward but at the same time it gave the sun such depressed, earthly characteristics that it once more signified your might over the sun.
The poem is a little bit unstable here and there, with seemingly random lines at certain points, but the comparisons were fantastic. The poem was long and this can be risky, but it’s not like it was too long or boring, it stayed interesting. However as I said before, it is still a bit unstable here and there.
mazHur
The rhyme in your poem had a few flaws here and there (for example heads and bleds or lover and over) but for the most part the rhyme was well done. You deviated from what the rest did and spoke of the canoe as a metaphor of a lover’s path. I liked this metaphor and it was interesting to read about. I also enjoyed how you made the nature not a beautiful thing but more of an obstacle in your poem. I felt like the rhythm and flow of the poem could have been a bit better, though. Overall it was a good read, well done!
Well then, let us see... Really close contest, can't really say that I think one poem stood above the others by far.
The winner of this contest shall be... Rowan. I felt your poem captured not just the imagery in the picture well, but also the feeling one might have when standing in the kayak. Rather than the calm feeling most would get when in that situation (me for example), you took a totally different perspective on it and I could really appreciate this. If you were to change a few things I feel it would be perfect (mostly stylistic, such as what I said in your feedback, and you might want to put a bit of space between the different parts in your poem e.g. a line between the part about the sea and the part about the clouds. that would make it somewhat easier to read). Every poem that was submitted brought me joy to read, but yours, I felt, had just the most feeling to it in the end.
Thank you all who entered again!
- Evo
Awesome! Thank you!
I really appreciate the feedback you're giving around, it really helps me to look at it from the perspective of a reader, awesome. I think unstable is definitely the word I'd have picked for some parts of the poem as well. So yay, thanks for providing the picture, and the feedback.
Tomorrow, I'll throw my own picture on here. I hope it'll inspire some people to puke out literary gold on here, as well.
Cheers!
Congratulations Rowan! And thank you Evo. You did such a good job with your feedback.
Sowwy for not posting it yesterday, as I said I would! I got caught up in some things and nearly forgot about it, until Evo poked my brain about it. Yay for him.
This is the picture I picked:
.. Well. I'm having trouble posting it in a forum-post, it tells me: Post denied. New posts are limited by number of URLs it may contain and checked if it doesn't contain forbidden words.
.. I can't seem to find a way to fix this, it tells me this each time I try to post anything. Any solutions that you know of? =o
Cheers.
Evo's going to post it in my stead, so that bypasses whatever problems. =)
Let's put the deadline at 20th of Novembear.
Rowan asked me if I could post the picture for him, so here it is:
http://xaxor.com/images/Zoltan-Huszt...an-Huszti9.jpg
Hope you guys don't mind my joining in. This photo is awe-striking!
Askew Visions of Poverty
Wrinkles of wondering.
A year bends the skin
in the manner of a lifetime.
A lifetime distorts the mind
to that of a sage.
One eye seeks the man in the sky.
One confronts the man before him.
Both answers leave him in wonder.
One's old and still one sees
Through thick-lensed memories
That keep one focused on the spot
That feels like now and then does not.
Thank you for your entries, enjoying 'em greatly!
Don't turn your face away from me
I know the mirror shows its ugliness
I too get scared when i glance in the mirror
my grandfather's face it looks like
Oh! How brutal time is, you know?
But my face is an almanac of events
Events that made history
Events that shaped my life
and of others too
Read my face and you will know
It's a Himalaya of historical events
If I sit to compile all those events
I can write a new Thousand and One Nights
But hold on. I am not a writer
nor need to read a book of history anew
All you want to know in most of the past century
reflects from my face ....
My face is the book
My looks are the title to it
I may be smitten by age
But don't old books get smitten too ?
Time is the healer....
time is the killer...
Take it whatever way you want
But my face will tell you all
days and nights of years past
first love and the sweetness of my first kiss'
the betrayal of my friends
the loyalty with friends shared
springs, summers, winters, fall
all the seasons long and small
History is not what's in the books
It glosses too so truly in my looks.
There's a line on his face for every breath that he takes
The years and the tears recorded for all to see
The times of want and the loved ones he lost
Reading his face is like exploring history
Sometimes a twinkle in the eye, a chuckle and sigh
Bring light to a visage that is ravaged and scarred
When he's relaxed and asleep, the wrinkles relax and shrink
No worries til dawn, then get up and press on--restart
You haven't really lived your life
If the day doesn't show the scars, and the smoothness returns every night
Pendragon
11/7/2013
Really bump!
Who am I?
Once I tangoed Debutantes across the ballroom floor,
My Argentinian silver mines opened every door,
Ten thousand pampas cattle kept me in high style,
The drive up to my country house I measured by the mile.
But I could not buy a pedigree, my money it was new,
And come the revolution I found my friends were few,
Easy come and quickly go when Fortune turns around,
And all a man is sure of is that last six feet of ground.
So when you see me as I am, remember what I've been,
Read the lines etched on my face by everything I've seen,
Heed the lesson written there - we all are Fortune's slave,
And don't forget no man's secure until he's in his grave.
Dementia (An Old Man)
His eyes confused, a broken yawn.
He wonders what is going on
Around him. Now he frowns his face
As memories of forgotten days
Escape away and let their scoff
Surround him. Glasses broken off
By youngsters, who don’t comprehend
That what they’re doing just hurts and
Confounds him. He thinks of his past
And in his head forms overcast.
He can’t remember what he’s seen,
It drowns him. He has never been
So lost in thoughts. It feels like he’s
forgetting things, from names to keys.
They’re pounding on his door to find
An Old Man, to his house confined.
“Who are you?” to his friends he said.
Astounded, they put him to bed.
Concerned about his sanity,
They call to have his family
Surround him in his darkest hour
As the memories devour
What is left. Now not a trace
Around him. As he frowns his face
He wonders what his going on
His eyes confused, a broken yawn.
~ Evo