Thanks, cacian, for the reminder.
And thanks tailor STATELY and Joe for the contributions. Just checking the meter and rhyme for the limerick form, I think Joe's fits the limerick best and so the winner is Joe! Congratulations!
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Thanks, cacian, for the reminder.
And thanks tailor STATELY and Joe for the contributions. Just checking the meter and rhyme for the limerick form, I think Joe's fits the limerick best and so the winner is Joe! Congratulations!
Thanks, YesNo.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
For our next contest, let's do a ballad
Congrats _Joe_ !
A ballad, hmmm. As the King of Austria? once might have said upon hearing one of Mozart's works: (paraphrasing) too many notes, it just has too many notes (ref: my vague recollection of the movie "Amadeus"). As an avowed minimalist this will be difficult... but I'll take the challenge come what may!
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Hey, there's no constraint on the length of a ballad as far as I know.
Five lilies bloomed beside the road
Where Thomas walked today.
On leaving home, his well-worn load
Of worries went his way.
One lily orangish in the light
The breeze began to stir.
His mind was darkened by some night.
He did not look at her.
Two others asked him softly why
He thought he had to go.
Though dreams are hard to modify
Forgetfulness could grow.
Martha knew why he was gone.
There’s nothing she can do.
What’s done is done. Life must go on.
One lily knew that, too.
The last reminded him there’s joy
Beneath the sorrow’s shade
To water any lonely boy
When sunlight wants to fade.
The water comes from everywhere.
The lilies drink and shine.
The faithful sun shines here and there
And all can claim he’s mine.
I've always wanted to try my hand at a ballad but have yet to be struck by a narrative idea to really utilize the form. My poetry seems to be drawn more towards dramatic monologues as of late, going so far as to write a kind of homage to My Last Duchess.
This is a superb poem, YesNo. Has strong echoes of Wordsworth's "I wandered lonely as a cloud." There are only two slightly sour moments. I don't like "nothing seemed to show." Perhaps something with the verb "low" (the sound of cows) to link with the "wild bird cry"? The other is "fresh unmade." Perhaps "now unmade" or "still unmade" or "soon unmade" or some variation? Otherwise it's excellent.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Thanks, MorpheusSandman. I agree. Those two parts seem wrong to me as well.
Edit: I made some modifications.
It's nearly perfect now, but I'd change "wants to fade" to "starts to fade" (wants suggest the sun has a choice in the matter). Otherwise, I love it. :)
BTW, let me single out this little part as a good example of a point I've repeatedly made:
"One lily orangish in the light
The breeze began to stir."
This is what's known as an "inversion" where, in this case, the object ("one lily") comes before the subject ("the breeze") and verb ("began to stir"); as well as placing the object ("one lily") before the adjective ("orangish"). It's considered "archaic" by today's standards and nearly universally reviled amongst contemporary poets. I've always said that inversions create a unique, unsettling effect when used at just the right moment in just the right context. Here, I think it's especially effective because this is precisely the moment in the poem were we get a "turn," a sense of something changing, and it's made all the more surprising because at the end of the first line we don't yet KNOW it's an inversion (so we initially assume "One lily" is the subject, before having that assumption subverted by the next line). So the fact that the inversion of syntax matches the turn of the structure, and that we FEEL this turn on an aesthetic level, is subtly masterful, and it's something you RARELY see today. So, well-done.
I might also mention that the one poem you didn't like, AE Stallings's "Like," mentioned inversions as one of the forms of artificial poetry that most contemporary poets hypocritically revile, but she was (implicitly) defending:
"Those poets who dislike
Inversions, archaisms, who just like
Plain English as she’s spoke — why isn’t “like”
Their (literally) every other word? I’d like
Us just to admit that’s what real speech is like."
Thanks again, MorpheusSandman.
It is interesting that I was thinking about "starts" as well when revising that line but put in "wants" just to give the Sun some choice. The lilies are communicating as well in the poem.
Generally I don't like inversions and the one you mentioned bothered me, but I thought it helped the weirdness of the scene where lilies were talking to Thomas. Saying that it was "unsettling" makes sense. I felt unsettled by it myself.
I agree with the subject matter of Stallings' poem and the part that you quoted. I just don't find the subject matter interesting enough for a poem. A short blog post? Fine.
You made a good point in another thread that even non-formalists write about stuff that doesn't matter. Probably all poets do. My knee-jerk reaction against formalism is that the subject matter is too often archaic (Greek and Roman Gods), political (usually conservative), and cute witticisms. On the other hand, I would be a formalist trying to define myself outside of that group. I have more of a need to differentiate myself from other formalists.
I think of all poetic techniques as tools, and art is primarily knowing when to use what tool for what purpose. Thoughtless use of any tool, be it inversions or metaphors or imagery or anaphora, inevitably leads to bad poetry. Even great poets can fall into the habits of returning to certain techniques as if they're universally applicable; Whitman had a love for anaphora that bordered on fetishistic.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Today, probably the most known poet writing about ancient subjects is Anne Carson; a non-formalist. Likewise, of the major 20th century formalist poets, none were entirely conservative (Auden was a communist, Yeats for Irish independence, Bishop and Merrill were apolitical, but closer to liberals; only Hill is kind of conservative, but there mostly in his religious beliefs, which he investigates more than blatantly promotes). Equating formalism with conservative ideology has more to do with equating formalism with pre-20th century poetry and finding most pre-20th century poetry conservative. This association hasn't really held in the 20th, where arguably the major conservative poet of the century was Eliot, who also happened to be one of the innovators of free-verse. Witticism I'll give you; formalism has always lent itself well to wit and aphorism, and, indeed, Auden, Bishop, and Merrill are witty; they could also be very serious, complex, and profound. Frankly, I think if you were going to introduce something new to formalism it would be the kind of imaginative improvisational approach that's common in, say, Ashbery. I've attempted this myself, and it's a difficult combination as it's hard to maintain formal control while giving yourself over to unconscious creativity.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
The Ballad of the Woodsman
Long ago, on a cold summer night
Walking in the woods, dark and mossed
I met a dryad and at the first sight
My heart to her was forever lost.
Her hair was green, as were her eyes
That, meeting mine, imprisoned me.
My nymph and I, intertwined at thighs
I told her: like this I want forever be.
But she vanished to her forest home
And I was doomed by that one tryst,
To wondering under the green dome
With the memory of the lips I but once kissed.
O where are you, green dryad?
All my days and all my nights I spent
In your search, but I am now tired
And realize: to you it nothing meant.
So sorry I delayed this (and forgot to set a deadline in the first place!). Thank you, YesNo and North Star for your contributions. YesNo, you're the winner. Take it away!
Thanks, Joe!
The next form is a poem that fits on a page of one of the micro-chapbooks from the Origami Poems Project: http://www.origamipoems.com/
Here are the constraints:
1) No more than 47 characters per line including spaces.
2) No more than 25 lines. (They say 25-27 lines, but let's make it exact.) Those lines include the title and a line between the title and the text. So the poem can only be 23 lines long.
Topic: Warm summer day.
Deadline: August 23rd.
An afternoon in August
I heard the helicopters
back and forth
along the river
They were celebrating
drinking and laughing
three houses down the street
He just wanted
to cool his ancles
down by the river
I heard the helicopters
He got in deeper
They were laughing
All afternoon
I heard the helicopters
I heard them laughing
He had been from Syria
He could not swim
I still hear them laughing
Thank you for the entry, windblown!
Anyone else? Contest ends tomorrow.
I wanted to enter this one but August was a busy month and I forgot about it. I will try and get something done by the end of the day.
Poolside
Water drops sizzle
on skin, under
sun’s glare.
Sultry air,
wind a hot breath
against the neck.
Bone dry stillness
then a faint
inviting splash.
Contest is over! Thank you, windblown and Dark Muse, for the entries!
windblown: This has an ominous feel about it with someone playing in water who can't swim and the alternation between laughter and helicopters.
Dark Muse: This was a nice description of someone coming out of the water and going back in. I can almost feel my skin reacting to the sun and the wind.
These are both very good and they both fit the form, or rather constraints, needed for a submission to the Origami Poems Project.
The winner: Dark Muse
Congratulations!
Thank you! I will post the new form soon.
The next form is called a Diamante (Not required, but if it is centered it creates a diamond like shape)
Structure of the form:
Line 1: Noun/Subject
Line 2: Two adjectives
Line 3: three ing words (looking, seeking, swimming etc..)
Line 4: Four words 2 about subject and 2 about an antonym or synonym
Line 5: three ing words
Line 6: two adjectives
Line 7: antonym or synonym
Here are some examples:
She
supple; soft
nurturing; enchanting; defying
temptress; lunar; solar
unyielding; searching; appealing
solid; noble
He
Yin
elusive, darkness
yielding, alluring, inviting,
serene, Anima, energetic, Animus
arising, commanding, shining
decisive, action
Yang
Deadline: Sept. 20th
Reality
here, now
being, becoming, living
support, transformation, logic, tests
contemplating, imitating, explaining
simplistic, reductive
model
I will give a little more time to see if I can get a few more takers
Well it looks like you are it YesNo. Great poem all the same, and deserving of a win.
Thanks, Dark Muse!
The next form will be a limerick.
Deadline: about Oct 15th
There was a haunted house in Berlin
With a poltergeist dwelling therein
No one stayed more than one night
Their hair turned gray from fright
As the shadowman knocked them end over end
Since there is only one entry so far, I will extend the deadline for another week until the end of October.
I actually wrote one
That was good fun
But I destroyed
It, making it void.
Then I wrote this one.
Contest is over! Thanks for the entries!
Pendragon: I'll have to remember to avoid staying at haunted houses.
North Star: Nice perspective on revision.
The winner is Pendragon!
Congratulations!
Thank you.
My favorite poetry form is the villanelle. If you don't know the format, you can find it here: https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/text/...orm-villanelle
End of contest two weeks from today. Good luck!
A working daydream makes the body light
But when we feel abandoned by the flame
A teasing nightmare trades our joy for fright.
Those happy seem enhaloed by what’s bright
Forgetting guilt and other modes of shame.
A working daydream makes the body light.
Remembering could turn straight-jackets tight
And squeeze out hope replacing it with blame.
A teasing nightmare trades our joy for fright.
Then freedom twists us loose. It’s right
To trust that life is something we can tame?
A working daydream makes the body light
Defeat then binds us foolishly in night
Where demons and the angels look the same.
A teasing nightmare trades our joy for fright.
As gifts it makes no sense to think of flight.
We serve and trust the giver has a name
Though working daydreams make the body light
And teasing nightmares trade that joy for fright.
Moonlight Lover
We danced in moonlight
beneath a November rain
your winter eyes shine bright
Upon your lips my heart takes flight
I only want you to hold me again
we danced in moonlight
We have shadows still to fight
my sorrows lie at your feet slain
your winter eyes shine bright
Your meerest touch holds me tight
our fingers weave an unbreakable chain
we danced in moonlight.
As dawn breaks you fade from sight
lost memories I struggle to regain
your winter eyes shine bright
Please don't whisper Goodnight
dreams vanishing on a passing train
we danced in moonlight
your winter eyes shine bright
YesNo I like your style, but I'm afraid that Dark Muse hit it out of the park! You're up, Dark Muse!
Congratulations Dark Muse ! Well done both of you.
I had one almost ready... I'll post to my website when done. This form is hard for me for some raison.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Thank you! I will get a new form for you all soon.
I am partial to Japanese styles of poetry so your next poem is a Sedoka
The Sedoka is a poem made up of a pair of katauta (which is a three lined poem). The Sedoka is an unrhymed poem following a syllable count of:
5/7/7
5/7/7
Traditionally the two katauta's address the same subject from two different perspectives.
Examples:
Vibrance of Spring
The breath of warm wind
a gentle voice in my soul
now Persephone rises.
Flowers bloom again
beneath fingers of the rain
feel the vibrations of life.
Spiral
Life; twisting; turning
the pattern replicated
immortal and eternal
Winds around itself
spinning from the inside out
revisited; outside in.
Because some people might be busy in the upcoming weeks I will give an slightly extended deadline of Dec. 10
Life's Blood
The blood is the life
Circulating through our veins
Warm, rich; bubbling red and rosy
The life is the blood
Slowly draining, red and hot
Damaged body, now grows cold
Pendragon
11/25/2015
I wouldn’t do that.
It’s not right. What’s good deserves
a better base to stand on.
Why do you worry?
Go ahead. Take a risk. Give
bad a chance to turn out right.
Sedoka Rose
Summer pink roses
clipped high by foraging deer
flourish resplendent in thirst
Autumnal showers
transfigure waning petals
to unmask bright orange hips
12/10/2015
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Three very good entries. I enjoyed them all, they each took very different approaches to the form.
Pendragon: Really enjoyed the reversal of the first line and I loved the mirror effect of the poem.
YesNo: I enjoyed the way in which you used that classical theme of the good and bad conscious. I could visualize the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other having this debate.
tailor STATELY: I loved the nature theme, and thought this was beautiful and elegantly written, also a very poetic title.
And the winner is
tailor STATELY
Congrats, tailor STATELY! And thanks for the comment Dark Muse!