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Nice! Both of them. The Premature joculation one I enjoyed, I do like a bit of nature in poetry. The Starting Point was more difficult because I couldn't find the subject amidst all that keen-eyed poetical/political commentry. This is probably a good thing - making me think a bit for a change.
Thank you for your comments, Haunted and Pren.
I had misgivings about the New Year piece, as it turned out a little more abstract as well as slightly more pessimistic than I'd intended. It's a "no-no" to 'splain the meaning of one's poems, but I'll tell you what I was thinking when I wrote it: (1) Thomas Pynchon's favorite concept, "entrophy," AKA "the heat death of the universe." The first stanza/"strophe"/verse paragraph alludes to that, and (2) The deathbed line by Billy Pilgrim's mother: "How did I get so old?"
I really enjoyed "premature ejaculations", Auntie. I like it when you become accessible to mere mortals :p x
This next one previously disgraced the virtual pages of the LitNet way back in late January of Ought Eight. The only place it belonged was in the "Write a Really Bad Poem" thread, which didn't exist five years ago.
Upon retrieving it, I found that the ditty was in dire need of a make-over. The local "Planet Fitness" was packed, and anyway, it would probably slip off all the exercise machines. So I took the wretched thing out into the alley and slapped it silly.
Hogging Ground
How mean is Winter, a miser with light!
Hope comes in drips, as with a desert rain.
So furry folklore finds itself in doubt.
Pink streaks glimpsed through a dimly frosted pane:
predictions alleged Spring might come again.
In march the strangers, creatures seldom seen:
fair possibilities for things of green,
blue skies, brightness, perhaps love popping out.
The next day’s winds waged another bout
to freeze – - or melt – - the optimism of one
made a fool by the February sun.
This is how I feel about our current winter around Chicago. Nice phrase, "furry folklore".
Loved That first line .
I have but one gripe "Hope comes in drips" is so clever and perfect, it made me smile and imagine a melting icicle. but the "as with desert rain" spoils its perfection, it hi-jacks the imagery somehow. I think it is too definite and too unrelated to the rest of the piece. But that's just me.
Thanks, Yes/No and Prendrelemick, for your comments on the last one^.
Now it's time for some DDs:
I.
Woolity-Bullity.
Theodore Roosevelt,
Trust-busting President,
cut to the quick.
Strongman domestically,
Geopolitical:
vowed with diplomacy,
soft voice, big stick.
II.
Oility-Foility.
Winnipeg, Canada.
Transcontinental pipe
blasted the map,
threatening resources.
Environmentalists
chastise the townspeople,
wealth in their laps.
III.
Shovity-Glovity.
Saltalamacchia
swings with free agency,
catcher of fame.
Iron-clad contract signed--
superlegality –
wears a new uniform
squeezing his name.
And finally, unless your d.o.b. predates 1960 or so, you probably won’t get this one:
IV.
Bangstery-Gangstery.
Edward G. Robinson,
actor in crime filmdom,
shot foes down flat.
Gained immortality
under-respectfully.
Mimicry quoted his
“You dirty rat.”
http://environmentaldefence.ca/artic...ipeline-safety
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jarrod_Saltalamacchia
I love these even more because I can't do them. Bangstery Gangstery is spot on for Edward G. (I'm 1958)
I think so much depends on that first nonsense line, if you get it apt and sounding right (which you do) it sets the rest up.
Thanks, Prendrelemick. Double dactyls are tricky for several reasons, but the "nonsense" opening line is sort of a freebie. A majority of the pre-existing double dactyls begins with the same line: "Higgety-Piggety."
In addition to trying to think up double dactyl phrases (that scan appropriately!), a real challenge comes in line 6 -- this has to be a single double dactyl word that has never been used before in a double dactyl. Since, I'm not sure that I've read every double dactyl poem that's out there, so I have doubts that "geopolitical" in the Teddy Roosevelt one is a debut appearance in a DD.
And there may be one other goof in this batch. Remembering the comedians doing impressions on "The Ed Sullivan Show" (subject of references with the Beatles 50th Anniversary this week), I recalled the phrase "You dirty rat!" as a famous quoted line by Edward G. But memories can play tricks on you. Though it may be apocryphal , the epithet's provenance was another gangster, played by an entirely different Hollywood star. But the name "James Cagney" isn't a double dactyl.
Looks like this one belongs on the cutting room floor.
I seem to remember, YOu dirty rat, you killed my brudder.
Well thanks for adding an extra complication to those DDs
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Two Short and Simple Takes on Genesis
I.
I’m grateful for this good, green earth
and thrilled when dismal skies turn blue,
but not sure how God made us all
or why He even wanted to.
II.
God had His reasons to create
this world of warmth, cool water, air.
No need to make it beautiful –
except to let us know He’s there.
Late-Night Agenda
“And so to bed.” –Samuel Pepys
Remains of supper congeal in the sink.
The movie reeked and left no lasting mark.
All news girls make the same fake sound, I think:
a squeaking puppy mimicking a bark.
A brief consideration of a brush,
toothpaste, a quick glance at a few pages.
New Boswells aren’t exactly in a rush
to bore the world with my life’s dull stages.
The day’s full failures stare me in the face,
attempting to spur consciousness of sin,
as room temps fluctuate around this space:
the cold outside, the loneliness within.
Next, missing dear losses stolen outright
by Death, stalking the ones it left behind,
and I don’t doubt it has me in its sight.
Oh, how free-floating care can vex the mind!
No nocturne to be sung, no lambs to leap,
no soothing female voice that softly streams
a tale to sail me safely off to sleep,
once more to chase perfection in stark dreams.
Not Superbowl ad, but definitely late night infomercial material. An abundance to love here Auntie. Be back later for the other offerings!Quote:
Originally Posted by AuntShecky
I swear I commented on this ... some body is wiping my replies! I loved Late-Night Agenda. The depressing details and the poignant memories of a mother to close. Heartfelt and real.