Lymerick

Going backward in time could be fun
But the past seems too old. It is done.
And that future caress
Will not feel any less
If I wait patiently and don’t run.

I don't eat a lot of viande,
Of fowl I'm not overly fond,
I can't stand the squish
Of my fork against fish
That I've sent to the briny beyond.

Having fish with big eyes on a plate
Makes me feel for the worm used as bait,
Makes me wonder if I’m
Being baited this time:
Eat the fish and get hooked to some fate.

Enough of your vacuous chatter
While on corpses you grow yourself fatter;
If it oinks, moos, or clucks,
You're just sh*t out of luck.
Are you getting it? Quack lives matter!

There was a young fellow named Reggie
Who up and went totally veggie
He stated his case
Food shouldn't have a face
Now he eats mainly the lettuce wedgie

I got a speck in my eye:
I can't say what, when, where, or why.
I poked it in vain
And I broke it in twain.
Now two specks to perplex me have I.

Speaking of food we could eat
There is plenty of lively, fresh meat
That is not yet quite dead.
It is running ahead.
Bam! I got one! A nice yummy treat.

There once was a girl called Cro-Magnon
Who found herself chompin' and gaggin' on
The flesh of great beasts
At her elephant feasts--
She was no one, indeed, to be raggin' on.

The thing fell out of my eye;
It left not a spot nor a stye.
I won't miss it much
Nor think on it as such;
I just wish it a heartfelt goodbye.

The moon is a lump of green cheese
With a face half-suppressing a sneeze;
Its soft glow's a beacon
To tempt a chaste deacon
And part the dour-maidenliest knees.

There once was a fellow named Stan
Who lived by a creek in a van
He went all veg
An easy pledge
Since he mainly ate beans from a can

Coffee I’d drink hot or cold.
My life I’ve enjoyed young or old
And that wonderful air!
It feels good every where
Whether timid or a tad bit too bold.

I'm fond of a little black bean
That goes by the name of caffeine.
The pleasure it grants you
Will damn near unpants you:
Your hijinks can scarce be foreseen.

Coffee’s a wonderful bean
Makes me happy when I would be mean,
Makes me wake up and say,
“What a wonderful day!
Praise the God who invented caffeine!”

There is a bold liquid called Java
That makes for much friendly palaver.
It's my kind of drug,
But when spilled on the rug
Its aftertaste lingers fore-ah-ver.