Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

Has anyone seen Turncoat ? I sent him to collect my copy of The Times three days ago, he knows how much I like the crossword, and he has not been seen since. I am devestated I have left a huge bone outside the kitchen door and have even filled his favourite hole in the driveway with muddy water, he likes to sneak into the kitchen and shake his coat while we are having a dinner party. Mrs Jocky has as usual been no help, she said " It is all your own fault you should have never gave him that twenty pound note in the first place. " Mans best friend my eye.

Twenty poounds! Why a dog could travel to Cornwall on that!

Has he maybe gone to visit HRH Prince Charles' Jack Russells?

I'm a bit worried about Paul, apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards there is a satanic message about sheds! And Paul has two of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwiba...eature=related

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

... apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards ...

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... it sounds a lot better.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I'm a bit worried about Paul, apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards there is a satanic message about sheds! And Paul has two of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwiba...eature=related

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But I have three....bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Yes there are two sheds you can go buy
But in the long run
It still pays to get a third one on

dum dum dum di di dum dum di di dum dum dum...

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

But I have three....bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Yes there are two sheds you can go buy
But in the long run
It still pays to get a third one on

dum dum dum di di dum dum di di dum dum dum...

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I might have known you would have three sheds whereas I , being a mere mortal, can only boast two. However, it is the quality of the sheds and not the quantity that counts.

For example, completely ignore this post as I messed up downloading pictures.

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Originally Posted by jocky

I might have known you would have three sheds whereas I , being a mere mortal, can only boast two. However, it is the quality of the sheds and not the quantity that counts.

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That's right. Two are good for demolition being virtually derelict. My best shed is not in the best of conditions, though it is sturdy.

In fact my former allotment neighbour is referred to by the committee as "Two Sheds" as an homage to John Prescott. His sheds are of fine and pristine quality. He had the allotment side with the shed the day before we moved in, and never offered to share the space for out tools. He then built another one just to mock us. "Two Sheds" ...given time I would have come up with something more...direct....

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I'm a bit worried about Paul, apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards there is a satanic message about sheds! And Paul has two of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwiba...eature=related

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Haha. I recall during high school, a local chucrh sponsored an album burning one night. The buzz at school the next day claimed that a Led Zepplin album refused to burn and that it levitated in the flames.

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

But I have three....bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Yes there are two sheds you can go buy
But in the long run
It still pays to get a third one on

dum dum dum di di dum dum di di dum dum dum...

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Be careful Paul, it's not too early to begin thinking of this year's play!.........bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

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Originally Posted by jocky

In my experience those who ask the right questions usually think they know all the answers. You are so far ahead of yourself you should be careful you don't bump into yourself on the way back, this usually results in an unneccessary headache. I only tasted the stuff once and it was disgusting.



Yes, it is clearly an unfortunate repercussion of the herd mentality, I will do my utmost to stop it from happening again. Let us raise our glasses and drink a toast to individuality and the poor suckers that have kept it a reality for the West, not Drambuie, Cheers!

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It's one am, I will raise my glass to anything right now...though, I don't think I'll do it with scotch, maybe a bit of rum or some chick drink.

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

Well... I do have 5 beds of potatoes going and a tub in the garden... have you heard of the Irish version - pocine?



I should have called our dog something like that. He's Mrs Paulclem's dog, and makes it patently obvious every time he bites me. I had to chase over the green after him today as he was chasing a car - (should have left him to it, but Mrs Paulclem's wrath would see us meeting at the shed).

The rum is good - and on offer in Sainsbury's at the moment. The bill's not so tasty though...

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What sort of potatoes are they; I've just discovered I really like those tiny red fellows...made a smashing cheese dish with them the other night.
Is the dog the reason for the bad ankle?

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Ha, yes I've always had a problem with thinking before I act and walking too fast !

As for the "Rusty Nail", here's what I found: 1 1/2 oz Scotch whisky, 1/2 oz Drambuie and 1 twist lemon peel. Unfortunately I don't have Scotch Whiskey, but I do have some Makers Mark and Chianti.



I can't say that I have. Google is swaying me to "poRcine"...
"...or pork terrine made out of pig trotters and other, supplementary meats. Pig trotter terrine, vodka and pickles..
and some think Drambuie is disgusting.

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Ah, ever since the first Mr Sounds spent every night of the last year of our marriage with a gallon of Chianti, I have had rather a prejudice against it...of course, it smelled a bit worse after spending a night on the floor with my sounds:puke:

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Originally Posted by Calidore

If you like scotch, as I do, you'll probably like Drambuie, as it's a scotch-based liqueur. I love Rusty Nails.

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Hello Calidore...welcome...

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Try "Potcheen".

And now here is a warning if you dont want to make your own still.

DO NOT take a 2 gallon pan with a conical shaped lid.

DO NOT half fill with fermented friut (or potato)juice.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES float a small bowl in the juice .

NEVER put the lid on upside down and fill with ice cubes.

Should you accidently do all this DON'T then place over a gentle heat.

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I want a video of this...or maybe you can tell us what happened....

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Originally Posted by DocHeart

If you've got a good woman to bring you a can of beer while you rest it, ice it, compress it and elevate it (RICE), you'll be apples.

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Or perhaps he could train Mrs. P's dog to bring him a beer; the dogs nature might change if he shared it with him. We have a large red neck population in our area and a good many beer lapping/weed smoking pitbulls.

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Yep, RICE is the key, but if you can't get the rest, a tight crepe bandage. A standard brace probably won't give you enough support.

I'm an expert on ankles - the last time a doc saw an x-ray of my left ankle, he laughed; he said it reminded him of a bowl of spaghetti.

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I think you missed your calling Atheist, you should have become a doctor; after 4 children, you have probably seen and dealt with it all.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

What sort of potatoes are they; I've just discovered I really like those tiny red fellows...made a smashing cheese dish with them the other night.
Is the dog the reason for the bad ankle?

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I have to confess to showing off down at the allotment by carrying two bags of compost on my shoulder up to my plot. The guys were joshing me and said I bet you can't run. I said I can and jogged up to my plot with them. The upshot was that I strained the ligament on the outside of my ankle. It wasn't too bad though, but worsened after I had to go chasing after the dog - who was running after a van up onto a busy road. I did curse. Mrs Paulclem is eagerly awaiting our next visit in order to relate my misfortune to the guys at the Allotment shop. Joshings are coming. :lol:

By the way - the Potcheen, (Mick put me right there), is a potato based spirit brewed by the Irish. I've tasted some from a former landlord. Suffice to say, you don't get to drink it; you just absorb it through your mouth.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I think you missed your calling Atheist, you should have become a doctor; after 4 children, you have probably seen and dealt with it all.

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My bedside manner would have ruined it.

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

I have to confess to showing off down at the allotment by carrying two bags of compost on my shoulder up to my plot.

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:smilielol5:

The karma of hubris.

In for breakfast this morning, and found Mrs P grinning mischievously waving aloft a 2 ft long tape. "Look" she said, "you've been sent a testicle tape." She began to read the instructions, "Measure widest circumference of testicles-" The tape was colour coded, red amber and green, to get in the green zone one would've required testicles 34 to 50 cm in circumference. I began to feel inadequate. She read on "- feel to check tone,-" No problem there, I am a bloke after all and do so several times a day, "- ensure there are no lumps.-" I was about to check again when she read the last part. "- Consult vet for thorough check."

"Ha ha very funny" I replied as she removed her thumb from the "Mature Ram testicle tape" label.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Or perhaps he could train Mrs. P's dog to bring him a beer; the dogs nature might change if he shared it with him. We have a large red neck population in our area and a good many beer lapping/weed smoking pitbulls.

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Sorry -- have I just been told off for being politically incorrect in the Bloke's Thread? I do apologize. I have total respect for women and their personalities and all that jazz. Parker, another of what the lady is having, if you please.

DH

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot, here's a list of malicious nouns, adjectives and transcendental modifiers (?) that men often maliciously use to refer to women:

chick
broad
tomato
Her indoors
my old woman
the wee wifie
She Who Shall Never Parallel-park


P.P.S. You know I love you, right? ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DocHeart

Sorry -- have I just been told off for being politically incorrect in the Bloke's Thread? I do apologize. I have total respect for women and their personalities and all that jazz. Parker, another of what the lady is having, if you please.

DH

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot, here's a list of malicious nouns, adjectives and transcendental modifiers (?) that men often maliciously use to refer to women:

chick
broad
tomato
Her indoors
my old woman
the wee wifie
She Who Shall Never Parallel-park


P.P.S. You know I love you, right? ;)

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Actually I just re-read the whole thing and it doesn't look like I was told off, after all. I just misunderstood the first time and rushed to answer. Damn. And it was the funniest thing I've written in weeks.

Good health to all. :)

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Or perhaps he could train Mrs. P's dog to bring him a beer; the dogs nature might change if he shared it with him. We have a large red neck population in our area and a good many beer lapping/weed smoking pitbulls.

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You are a dark one, you never once mentioned you had relocated to Scotland. :)

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

In for breakfast this morning, and found Mrs P grinning mischievously waving aloft a 2 ft long tape. "Look" she said, "you've been sent a testicle tape." She began to read the instructions, "Measure widest circumference of testicles-" The tape was colour coded, red amber and green, to get in the green zone one would've required testicles 34 to 50 cm in circumference. I began to feel inadequate. She read on "- feel to check tone,-" No problem there, I am a bloke after all and do so several times a day, "- ensure there are no lumps.-" I was about to check again when she read the last part. "- Consult vet for thorough check."

"Ha ha very funny" I replied as she removed her thumb from the "Mature Ram testicle tape" label.

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:lol::lol:

What would we do without our wives ?

Testicle tape...lots of potential in the pub there for joshing the blokes. Just get rid of the vet reference. Some geezer is bound to end up with the nickname "ramsbollocks". It has a certain ring to it.

Thieving dogs
Prince Charles' Jack Russels
Satanic Sheds - Led Zeppellin's original name
A case of Highland envy - shedwise
An annoying neighbour
Mystical levitating albums
A proposal for this year's Blokes Thread Play
Sounds drinking habits/ potato cheese dishes/ the trouble with chianti/ a welcome/ a request for an illicit substance's recipe/ the Miami demographic/ careers advice
Testicle Tape - Ill never forget
A telling off/ un-PC ness/ a realisation
Specualtion about a relocation/ praise for the qualities of wives
A tip for using Testicle tape

All this on one page? That's what I call value for money.