I'll be joining in the fray in a couple days. Still formulating my poem. Just gimme some time.
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I'll be joining in the fray in a couple days. Still formulating my poem. Just gimme some time.
On the Mountain Top
And from atop the summit, all was seen:
the Southern river threading westward through
the plains: the concrete-colored streets that wind
around the hills and buildings like unbound
lawn hoses: and the towns, a cluster of
faded ceiling tiles and whitewashed homes
reaching across the valley like outstretched wings.
The wind is blowing lazily, the breeze
carrying sounds and scents from the summit--
the hollow ting of silver fish hooks dropped
on granite rocks, the grilling of fresh-caught
fish spiced with paprika and lemon
zest, left to sizzle on an open fire.
Looking at my watch, I laugh aloud. Noon.
At this time yesterday, it was our lunch.
Reclining on a group of rocks, I laugh
again and ponder what to do tomorrow
on the second day of summer.
Hide away June, where's the sense in cowardice?
The edge of the bed is looking more like a precipice
so cradle your head in your hands, college man,
September would never look for you here.
Draw the blinds, don't let Summer in-
Daylight dances like it doesn't know where you've been,
full dressed, on a comforter in the dark,
laid up in bed and cliches with a broken heart.
Even now, the walls are pressing in,
and you aren't ever coming out again.
Awesome entries guys! I'll post the results sometime tomorrow, anyone else who wants to jump in at the last minute can do so any time today.
I only ever come across this thread by mistake, then lose it again.
Your results are finally here!
jajude: Your rhyme scheme really pulled the piece together, along with the witty final line. Nice comparison to the summers of childhood to those of adulthood.
Pendragon: A darker take on summer vacation. I liked your references to the predatory animals, they helped emphasize the point of the poem.
YesNo: What describes the joy of summer more than a picnic for two? I could almost feel the warm breeze as I read this.
Dark Muse: You chose to do an original take on summer, describing the irony of longing for it until it finally comes. Your descriptions were excellent.
IceM: Your poem described the feeling of endless possibilities stretched out before you on the first day of summer. I enjoyed this.
Jack of Hearts: Another unique take on my prompt of "Summer Break." I especially liked the second line, "The edge of the bed is looking more like a precipice."
And now your winner is........................
Dark Muse! I liked your original idea and your descriptions made the piece come alive. Well done!
Thank you very much! Now to think of a the next subject
ok the next subject is
Solitary Man
Deadline July 15
Solitary Man
Jim's wife is with another guy.
He's glad that Amy's gone.
Between them over recent years
They focused on their dreams and fears
Not what was going on.
Only one entry so far? No other takers?
The thoughts he keeps in his troubled sleeps
are broken by the day;
The light comes through the window new
until he finds his way,
Down the street with no one to meet
his pace is all his own,
With time to spare, no need to share,
his patterns are unknown;
How many years has he had these fears,
no one here can say;
Again tomorrow we'll see his sorrow,
the same as yesterday.
Lonely Tears
He tries so hard to get away from it all.
So he climbs into his pickup, puts in into gear and goes
Down this dusty road where people seldom go—
Pulls in at the trailhead; then he gets out and walks.
Only when he is out miles from anywhere;
Does he dare to let his bars down, and give in to his cares.
Out where no one sees the lonely tears that fall—
He struggles with the fires in his soul;
Almost everything worthwhile in life is gone—
His world razed to the foundations, with no will to build thereupon.
What can he do? What can he say?
Will it always be this way?
He shakes his head and silently marches on…
While down his cheeks the lonely teardrops fall—
At night he just lies staring at the wall—
Wondering just what happened? Where the hell did he go wrong?
He tried so hard to give anyone a hand—
But now each painful memory plays music in his head.
He lies there so cold and lonely, locked within his thoughts—
Trying hard to convince himself that this mess isn’t all his fault.
Others never see the lonely tears that fall—
Or ever hear the silent screams that tear apart his soul!
His world fell to ashes; and nobody keeps in touch.
And now his desire for living just isn’t all that much.
What can he do? What can he say?
Will it always be this way?
Sometimes he wishes for the guts to break his word and end it all…
While down his face the lonely teardrops fall…
Pendragon
Sophie
Callous like the skin on heels,
she scrawled a note with bloody fingers.
"Agony did not kill the killer,
the absence of such was fatal."
Having penned her solemn words in crooked lines,
sinewing across paper like rivulets,
she surrendered herself to another
slash of the knife,
hoping this time to be successful.
Thank you to everyone who entered. Sorry for the short delay but I have been a bit busy over the weakend. But I have the results now. It was a tough call.
YesNo: I really liked the last three lines of the poem. I thought there was a lot of power within those lines and it conveyed a deep feeling, as well I enjoyed the realism in the poem. It was quite true to life and I think rather relatable to the experiences many people may have had.
jajdude: I thought your poem was beautifully crafted. I enjoyed your use of rhyme and I really liked the concept of your poem because I found it personally to be quite relatable. I know what thoughts the night can herald and how differently our minds and emotions can be from day to night.
IceM: I enjoyed you creativity on the interpretation of the subject, choosing to see "man" as a general term for mankind, opposed to needing to be specific to gender. So I rather liked the fact that you did take your poem in a different direction by making it about a girl. I thought the opening lines of the poem were quite gripping and hooked me in from the start.
And the winneer is.......
Pendragon: I loved the fact that there was something almost lyrical about your poem. You were able to craft a story while at the same time still keeping a poetic feel to it. Even though I cannot stand country music, this poem that sort of vibe to it, and in the poem it worked well. I could just picture someone playing a guitar to this while reading. I loved the atmosphere this poem created and the vivid scene that I could really picture it clearly in my mind.
Where's Pendragon?