Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Hang on a minute Atheist, while I relate the sad fate of Once-Gay-But-Turned-Tup.

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That guy was jinxed.

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

So basically you want to come back as an animal so that you can have a large appendage...seems like a rather bad tradeoff to me.

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No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.

:D

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

That guy was jinxed.



No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.

:D

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You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day.

As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.

[IMG]http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/a...00411_1916.jpg[/IMG]

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

My other new shed is... not so new either.

[IMG]http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/a...00311_1134.jpg[/IMG]

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I love the external cladding held on by string. (shed 2) Very innovative.

I'm sure Gilliat has already spotted it and is pitching it to a client right now.

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Sanford & Son Architect’s (S&S) meets with the Coventry Reclaims Allotments Party (CRAP), to present two design schemes for the proposed “Ivy League Estates”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE

Mr. Sanford: Dear esteemed members of CRAP, let me first begin by expressing our appreciation for selecting Sanford & Son Architects to design the new high rise cottages for “Ivy League Estates”.

At this time, we would like to present two schemes for the proposed cottage.

Scheme 1
For the first scheme, we pursued a de constructivist style in the form of a truncated pyramid partially embedded into this tree. On this façade, we sought inspiration from Europe’s magnificent Gothic cathedrals, by adding a flying buttress in the form of a wood pallet.
The buttress springs forth from a rusted, steel framed wire mesh haunch that not only serves as the buttress foundation, but also supplies rich iron to the allotment soil. Understanding your tenants desire to live in a safe and secure facility, we ‘ve employed the latest in building security systems technology with this heavy chain and padlock.
The walls are constructed of reclaimed planks of Royal Oak and there is no structural foundation resulting in significant cost savings for CRAP.

CRAP member: Is there a roof?

S&S: Yes; but not in the traditional sense, for scheme 1, we will take advantage of the dense canopy from the adjacent tree. Some rain water entering the building is anticipated and in fact intended, as it will serve as evaporative cooling during the summer.

CRAP member: What about winter?

S&S: In that case, the CRAP will be required to issue gortex lined parkas or plastic macs to all tenants.

For scheme no. 2 we developed an orthogonal approach to the overall massing. Elements of De constructivism interlaced with postmodern applique, such as the wire flower, rope façade restraint and blue plastic, define the hybrid clash of architectural styles in this design. Beyond the generous amounts of reclaimed fence planks that make up these three sides, we opted to go with screen and corrugated metal on this one façade. The screen will provide wonderful views of the allotment.

Both schemes incorporate sustainable, “green” features such as the use of reclaimed materials, natural ventilation which saves on energy costs, green (vegetation) roof technology used on Scheme 1.
Scheme 2 takes advantage of natural light by employing this magnificent translucent green skylight.
Additional savings will be realized since neither scheme will have running water, no power and no air conditioning.

That concludes our presentation. We now yield the floor to questions.

CRAP member: Mr. Sanford, are you familiar with that horrible incident coming out of Yorkshire involving a bi sexual Pink Tup and a barbed wire fence?

S&S: Oh my, yes I am. Dreadful, dreadful!

CRAP member: Is barbed wire fencing intended for “Ivy League Estates?”

S&S: No fencing will be required, since your own CRAP statutes requires that all Ivy League Estate tenants be vegetarian and allergic to wool.

CRAP member: Without plumbing, how is one to…hmm…how shall I say?...relieve themselves?

S&S: Our Civil engineer and landscape architect have stepped into a fantastic idea that coincides with the sustainable goals of the project. The allotment property will serve as…well, a crapper. Get it? CRAP per? Think of it as a large cat box, yet in this case the landscape crews will not have to bother with removal. The tenants deposits will fertilize the allotment crops.

CRAP members: Thank you Mr. Sanford. We’ll be in touch.

.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

It's in the bag I'd say. This:-

"Think of it as a large cat box, "

is the clincher

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Originally Posted by DocHeart

You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day.

As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"

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What's scarier - the dog or the kid?

:D

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

CRAP members: Thank you Mr. Sanford. We’ll be in touch.

.

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Brilliant!

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

You don't need to be a Buddhist. It's the law of Karma that applies to everyone. Atheism doesn't give you a "get out of Samsara free" card. If it did, there'd be a lot of Buddhists in the queue for oblivion.

That's only the Buddhist's view of course. :D

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'Course it works both ways.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...eginnguidetone

Fantastic Gilliatt. And to think I lease two such desirable residences. I'll never look at buttresses in the same way again.:lol:

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

..

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

...I'll never look at buttresses in the same way again.:lol:

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Glad you enjoyed it.
All kidding aside, I do envy you and the challenge ahead. Keep us posted on the progress.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...eginnguidetone

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Hehe.
Did you happen to notice the table of contents? (come to think of it, I bet you have this book)

"1. Living
2. Foolish Thinking
3. Enlightenment
4. Reality"

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Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

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Somebody get this man a beer.

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

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By gum!

How's the soil? Have you had it tested? I imagine it would be an interesting mix, if nothing else!

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

That guy was jinxed.

No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.

:D

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Has anyone asked their ladies, when they are sober that is, if size matters...I can assure you gents, as an honest lady...Size Definitely Matters:cool:

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Originally Posted by DocHeart

You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day.

As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"

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I get the idea uncle has been babysitting too often for little Eva:smilewinkgrin:

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

.


Sanford & Son Architect’s (S&S) meets with the Coventry Reclaims Allotments Party (CRAP), to present two design schemes for the proposed “Ivy League Estates”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE

Mr. Sanford: Dear esteemed members of CRAP, let me first begin by expressing our appreciation for selecting Sanford & Son Architects to design the new high rise cottages for “Ivy League Estates”.

At this time, we would like to present two schemes for the proposed cottage.

Scheme 1
For the first scheme, we pursued a de constructivist style in the form of a truncated pyramid partially embedded into this tree. On this façade, we sought inspiration from Europe’s magnificent Gothic cathedrals, by adding a flying buttress in the form of a wood pallet.
The buttress springs forth from a rusted, steel framed wire mesh haunch that not only serves as the buttress foundation, but also supplies rich iron to the allotment soil. Understanding your tenants desire to live in a safe and secure facility, we ‘ve employed the latest in building security systems technology with this heavy chain and padlock.
The walls are constructed of reclaimed planks of Royal Oak and there is no structural foundation resulting in significant cost savings for CRAP.

CRAP member: Is there a roof?

S&S: Yes; but not in the traditional sense, for scheme 1, we will take advantage of the dense canopy from the adjacent tree. Some rain water entering the building is anticipated and in fact intended, as it will serve as evaporative cooling during the summer.

CRAP member: What about winter?

S&S: In that case, the CRAP will be required to issue gortex lined parkas or plastic macs to all tenants.

For scheme no. 2 we developed an orthogonal approach to the overall massing. Elements of De constructivism interlaced with postmodern applique, such as the wire flower, rope façade restraint and blue plastic, define the hybrid clash of architectural styles in this design. Beyond the generous amounts of reclaimed fence planks that make up these three sides, we opted to go with screen and corrugated metal on this one façade. The screen will provide wonderful views of the allotment.

Both schemes incorporate sustainable, “green” features such as the use of reclaimed materials, natural ventilation which saves on energy costs, green (vegetation) roof technology used on Scheme 1.
Scheme 2 takes advantage of natural light by employing this magnificent translucent green skylight.
Additional savings will be realized since neither scheme will have running water, no power and no air conditioning.

That concludes our presentation. We now yield the floor to questions.

CRAP member: Mr. Sanford, are you familiar with that horrible incident coming out of Yorkshire involving a bi sexual Pink Tup and a barbed wire fence?

S&S: Oh my, yes I am. Dreadful, dreadful!

CRAP member: Is barbed wire fencing intended for “Ivy League Estates?”

S&S: No fencing will be required, since your own CRAP statutes requires that all Ivy League Estate tenants be vegetarian and allergic to wool.

CRAP member: Without plumbing, how is one to…hmm…how shall I say?...relieve themselves?

S&S: Our Civil engineer and landscape architect have stepped into a fantastic idea that coincides with the sustainable goals of the project. The allotment property will serve as…well, a crapper. Get it? CRAP per? Think of it as a large cat box, yet in this case the landscape crews will not have to bother with removal. The tenants deposits will fertilize the allotment crops.

CRAP members: Thank you Mr. Sanford. We’ll be in touch.

.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

It's in the bag I'd say. This:-

"Think of it as a large cat box, "

is the clincher

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I think your friends designed my house; I also detect a sort of savory smell outside my front door in the evening which cannot entirely be obscured by the nightblooming jasmine.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

'Course it works both ways.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...eginnguidetone

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I wonder what our dear pink tup will come back as?

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

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How much of a return do you get on all that work...I mean in vegetables? Do you and the misses put it all up or sell it at market?

its very late and I can't go to bed until this bloody sheep has lambed. Then I have a dawn patrol, at dawn, to do - a typical lambing day so far. I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

its very late and I can't go to bed until this bloody sheep has lambed. Then I have a dawn patrol, at dawn, to do - a typical lambing day so far. I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.

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Hope it stays warm for you! Good luck mate.