Liar: Someone who lacks an acceptable level of obsessive-compulsiveness when it comes to truth.
Maiden:
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Liar: Someone who lacks an acceptable level of obsessive-compulsiveness when it comes to truth.
Maiden:
Maiden: A nun who occasionally allows male friends to kiss her on the cheek but doesn't let them get into the habit.
Divorce:
Divorce: When someone breaks the "what God hath put together, let no man put asunder" part of a marriage ceremony
Legal
The last straw "unethical" can bear without being a crime.
Vacation:
Vacation: Traveling to someplace different but expecting all the amenities you enjoy while at home. such as Internet, cell phone service, good food from your favorite resturants, and nice rooms.
Imagination:
Imagination: An ability to make up stuff. The lack of this ability is often grounds for criticism. So is the presence.
Criticism:
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For what's it's worth Ambrose Bierce defines imagination as "A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership."
Criticism: Acccusing someone of making stuff up. Don't confuse with literary criticism, which is not having the intelligence to make stuff up first hand.
Reincarnation:
Probably the best someone who bad mouths a literary critic can hope for, the transmigration of a withered soul into the body of a cockroach.
Rapture
Rapture: A state of exceeding joy, as is the Bible proposes that people will experience when the Second Coming takes place
Biblical
A form of gnosis producing babies.
Socialism:
Socialism: A belief, opposed to capitalism and communism, claiming it can get you to heaven faster.
Magic:
Magic: Pulling a rabbit out of your *ss and acting like anyone would still want to pet it.
Philosophy:
Philosophy: The art of constructing rational smokescreens to hide the empirical falsity of one’s beliefs.
Twin Bed:
Twin beds: See divorce.
Religion
A residual belief in magic.
Bailiwick
Bailiwick: The jurisdiction over which a bailiff may legitimately waggle his wick.
Meditation
Meditation: Sitting still and silent and staring at your navel in hopes of falling sleep and becoming enlightened by your dreams and night visions
Useless:
Useless: See above.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Prejudice:
Prejudice: Your evaluation of my principles
Insult:
Insult: Making sure someone has grounds to hold a grievance.
Optimism:
Optimism: The tragedy of hope over experience.
Democracy
Democracy: Government by whomever secured enough power to represent the people.
Cash Cow:
Cash cow: One udderly without credit.
Stock market
The place where you buy a cash cow.
Narcolept.
Narcolept: One addicted to Pompey Bum's prose.
Giddy
Giddy: This could justify an increase in electric shock therapy if for no other reason than to keep the noise down so the staff doesn’t go mad. Most patients, however, see it as a wonderful way to spend the afternoon.
Ego:
Ego: Feeling wonderful and proud of an accomplishment, most often when no one else gives a rat's @ss
Boastful:
Boastful: The chief characteristic of an ancient exercise, still practiced, to see how far the ego can be inflated before it pops or gets popped.
Zenith:
Zenith: A warrior princeth.
Misanthropy
Misanthropy: Donating to women's causes
Paleolithic
Paleolithic: Too dumb to farm.
Iconoclastic
Iconoclastic: The word most often used to describe an “iconoclast”, a person with minimal respect for the idols represented in the graven images of others feeling that even as works of art they should be destroyed sacrificing revenue from the filthy tourist industry that such heathenish objects could be made to generate if they had the brains to market them properly, because, frankly, they don’t want the tourists with their cameras, cell phones, shorts and bikinis becoming objects of envy for wives and temptation for husbands any more than they want the icons.
No-Brainer:
No Brainer: What the nerd in your class who always ruins the grade curve calls the most torturous exam you ever sat through
Study:
Study: An alternative to uneducated guessing.
Life:
Life: The ledge between the tiger and the rocks.
Placid
Placid: A lake in New York that rhymes with flaccid.
Technology
Technology: Making nature behave better after we think we have found out what makes her tick.
Cupid:
A small cherub who turns people into snooker fans by shooting arrows at them.
Gargoyle.
Gargoyle: What a New Yorker calls a female gar.
Natural selection
A box full of raw cacao beans.
Antimacassar.