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I am wondering whether marriage is an institution at all. It is not an academy or organisation you join... Marriage is between two people and it is what you make of it.
The rules of engagement are determined between those two people, regardless of what rest of the world population expect or even demand. And if it often comes down to this, I believe: Do you want to make it work with that particular person or not?
The definition of "institution" seems applicable (marriage even being used as an example): http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/institution
My dad calls his workplace "the institution" (he's a prison guard). I guess I have always thought of marriage as comparable to a prison.
I am well aware of the usage; I was simply reflecting on the notion myself... With which I am still not sure that I agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mutatis-Mutandis
Life with no possibility of parole? :smilewinkgrin:Quote:
Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
It doesn't have to be. I guess if one was married to an overly possessive person it would seem that way. If people are careful in who they select it should not resemble a prison at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
Yeah, my mom always said that there is usually a rocky patch somewhere in a long marriage, and if people stay through that they come out closer on the other side. I don't know if that's true or not, and it is a generalization. It would seem logical that in a very long relationship that a couple might have to renegotiate the terms. Also, who have you married? Are they who they say they are? I got married, and I got divorced. I really thought, though, that he's stick around to be there for his kids. But on the day he left he put the computer in the car, got in and drove away. He did maintain some contact with his sons for a number of years, but has lately become estranged from them it seems. They were all the last ones to contact him.
So all you can do, really, is determine to be as present as you can. Which I plan to remember the next time I'm in a relationship. :)
One just have to look at the celebrities marriage saga and you would realise how theatrically messy the whole concept is.
Celebrities go through marraiges like water it is almost addictive
there are more divorces then marriages if you go byt celebrities
That is the costs it seems to me of glamorising anything, the end result is usually of a sour nature, not so glamorous after all.
Well, that is a sad story. I must say that after I compared my husband to the other guys I had dated, I knew he was the opposite of them, and that was a critical reason to stay with him. We had 5 years of great fun and interesting times before our mentally disabled son was born, and then after that it was a real commitment on our part to stay together and help him and each other. There was no "us" anymore, our lives were dedicated to him, and it was very stressful. We understood that and still do. Ofcourse there are rocky times, it's just part of being human. But now, even after our son has left home, we are still committed, after all these years we somehow work, and still have fun. We share the sorrow of our son, and would rather share it together. So maybe we are different from others, and it is very isolating to have a son like this, as it is not common. We have been through too much together.Quote:
Originally Posted by qimissung
That is not a result of glamourising marriage, but, I believe, a result of marrying for wrong reasons. And sometimes, even though one might start out a journey for the right reasons with a person whom they consider to be "right", circumstances change, people change and develop so it may not last a life time but that is no reason, again in my opinion, not to try.Quote:
Originally Posted by cacian
Very rarely I take celebrities as role models for myself so I am not so sure I want to do that where an important issue like marriage is concerned either.
There are so many real-life stories in this thread and I would like to thank everyone for sharing theirs so honestly.
Whom you marry is key of course but also why you marry. At 24 I decided I was ready to be a mom, I had no great desire to be a wife really but for me, one had to follow the other. I know that I genuinely felt I loved my sons' dad at the time we married but we really didn't know each other that well. He was a good guy and I thought he would be a good father but the fact of the matter was, I was much more ready to be a mother than a wife and I overlooked a few really critical red flags. Once those boys were born, the relationship with their dad became harder and harder to maintain. He was a nice guy, his heart was usually in the right place but those issues I ignored so that I could have babies just didn't go away, we weren't suited for each other, we couldn't communicate, we didn't have the same goals and after a few really honest tries, the relationship just...failed. I stuck around for the boys for many years, too many years, because I thought it was best but when I think of the example of marriage those two boys have grown up with, I feel so sad for them. All they know of marriage is two miserable people that never talk, never touch and who were barely functional as human beings and not at all functional as a couple. We have talked about it since the split, the boys and I, and they acknowledge that they understood it was not a good or normal marriage, in fact their response when told we were getting divorced was, "We're not surprised." but still, it haunts me that is their picture of marriage.
I really thought I would never marry again after that fiasco and it took awhile to get my bearings but...and this is so important...it's all about meeting the right person, the person that makes you feel good about yourself, that inspires you to be a better person, that can genuinely comfort you and someone you can have fun with. I don't think you have to marry in order to have that kind of relationship, some people don't need that piece of paper to tie them to a person or a relationship and that's just fine but I like the concept of marriage and I'm very excited and ready to experience a good marriage.
Anyone in particular that you had in mind? :smilewinkgrin:Quote:
Originally Posted by Idril
As if you didn't know. :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Basil