Can boys and girls be friends?

Sometimes I wonder if friendships are better if you have the possibility of some kind of sexual tension. Not when you actually get involved with the person, but when the friendship is somehow fueled by some kind of curiosity or possibility - even if it's one-sided.

Because my closest, closest friends have always been guys or bi/gay girls. What's up with that? I have had many close friends that were straight girls but for some reason those friendships have never been as satisfying. Maybe I'm just insane . . .

When I was growing up I had both male and females as friends. It was pretty much 50/50. Since I was a tomboy, I played ball with the guys when my girl friends were doing girlie things.
Like you Lady W, with my girl friends we spoke abt guys and shared secrets. Of course you always had one female in the group that thought she was better than everyone else. With the guys they never showed their superiority over me. They treated me like their sister. They would sometimes use me as an intermediary if they liked a particular friend of mine.
What I remember growing up was that my male friends never pitted one against the other, where as my female friends had a habit of doing that. The females fought more than the males.
Now today, I have more female friends than male friends. I prefer it that way.
I do agree with you as far as the downside of a friendly female/male relationship. It can be disasterous if one happens to feel strongly abt the other where the other doesn't. I've seen it happen to some of my friends growing up and their friendship ended, they never spoke to each other again.
I think it can also be hard on the female if her boyfriend/husband has a lot of female friends that he is close with. Unless the female feels very secure in her relationship it can cause problems. I know, I've been there and I've come to the realization that it is ok for my husband to be close with a female in a friendly way. I'm curious as to how the men feel about their girlfriend/wife having a close friendly relationship with a male. What do you say guys ?

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Originally Posted by pussnboots

Of course you always had one female in the group that thought she was better than everyone else.

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Ha ha ha deffinitely!
Although I managed to disassociate myself with that kind of gang at a very young age...

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Originally Posted by pussnboots

I do agree with you as far as the downside of a friendly female/male relationship. It can be disasterous if one happens to feel strongly abt the other where the other doesn't. I've seen it happen to some of my friends growing up and their friendship ended, they never spoke to each other again.

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Ah yes, I've actually been involved in something similar and it's extremely harsh :(
I won't go into the details but I ultimately lost two best friends because of it...

[QUOTE=pussnboots;520838]I think it can also be hard on the female if her boyfriend/husband has a lot of female friends that he is close with. Unless the female feels very secure in her relationship it can cause problems./QUOTE]
Yes absolutely... I've never actually been in that position myself but I guess it can be pretty tough.
I suppose insecurity in relatioships can be a result of bad experiences in the past though too.

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Originally Posted by kratsayra

Sometimes I wonder if friendships are better if you have the possibility of some kind of sexual tension. Not when you actually get involved with the person, but when the friendship is somehow fueled by some kind of curiosity or possibility - even if it's one-sided.

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I think I understand what you mean... I'm a straight female and maybe one of the reasons I have alot of male friends is simply because of the curiousity we have about the opposite sex. I personally have no feelings for my male friends in a romantic sense but still it's somewhat exciting to be in a friendly relationship with a male. I do hope I don't sound like the most obvious flirt here, because my friends are like brothers to me - I'm merely explaining that I do understand what you're saying.

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Originally Posted by kratsayra

Sometimes I wonder if friendships are better if you have the possibility of some kind of sexual tension. Not when you actually get involved with the person, but when the friendship is somehow fueled by some kind of curiosity or possibility - even if it's one-sided.

If the two people can handle it, why not ?

Because my closest, closest friends have always been guys or bi/gay girls. What's up with that? I have had many close friends that were straight girls but for some reason those friendships have never been as satisfying. Maybe I'm just insane . . .

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No, I don't think you are insane. I personally find nothing wrong with that.

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Originally Posted by LadyW

I think I understand what you mean... I'm a straight female and maybe one of the reasons I have alot of male friends is simply because of the curiousity we have about the opposite sex. I personally have no feelings for my male friends in a romantic sense but still it's somewhat exciting to be in a friendly relationship with a male. I do hope I don't sound like the most obvious flirt here, because my friends are like brothers to me - I'm merely explaining that I do understand what you're saying.

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Yes, that's kind-of what I was talking about. Especially in high school. Now I feel a bit too grown-up to be that way (or b/c I'm in a committed relationship) and I kind-of miss it.

About partners having friends of the opposite sex or whatever . . . I think it could also depend on what the status of the person they are friends with is.

My boyfriend has one old friend who is female, and he had an enormous crush on her for years and years before we got together. But I know her pretty well and they have known each other for so long (and she never liked him back romantically!) so I don't feel too uncomfortable about their friendship - plus he doesn't hang out with her all that much nowadays. If he hung out with her all the time I might wonder. And if he started hanging around with some girl suddenly that I didn't know I'd probably get jealous. ;)

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Originally Posted by kratsayra

My boyfriend has one old friend who is female, and he had an enormous crush on her for years and years before we got together. But I know her pretty well and they have known each other for so long (and she never liked him back romantically!) so I don't feel too uncomfortable about their friendship. But if he started hanging around with some girl suddenly that I didn't know I'd probably get jealous. ;)

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Yes, admittedly... I think I would be rather jealous too. I seldom experience jealousy but on that rare occasion I have felt it, I've loathed myself for it. It's one of the worst feelings one can endure... quite bitter and sickening.
I admire you for how secure you must be with your boyfriend. If I was in a long term relationship with a male who had an old friend who he previously liked for years, I wouldn't be jealous... just rather wary and precautious.

See above - I think I changed my post a bit while you were writing! - he doesn't hang out with that friend that much anymore. I'm not sure how I'd feel if they hung out all the time. I'm a pretty jealous person. :sick: But that particular girl that he's friends with I know well and she's nice and cool and almost like my friend too.

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Originally Posted by kratsayra

See above - I think I changed my post a bit while you were writing! - he doesn't hang out with that friend that much anymore. I'm not sure how I'd feel if they hung out all the time. I'm a pretty jealous person. :sick: But that particular girl that he's friends with I know well and she's nice and cool and almost like my friend too.

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Still, it is nice that you are so secure in your relationship that the idea doesn't stick to the back of your mind constantly.
It's also good that you have found friendship with this girl yourself and not out of an attempt to appear completely trusting and secure when you're secretly paranoid.

Right now, my friendships are 50/50, but I couldn't say that I have any really close friends, because my husband fills that role. In high school, I tended to have more "big brothers", but I never really understood that so much because I was never a tomboy. On the otherhand, I wasn't into the latest trends and gossip either.

My best friend through high school was a guy, and we made the mistake of getting involved romantically. During our engagement, he was no longer the person I knew. He shut me out, became distant, and really hurt me, because I had to break it off. For a long time I kept analyzing what I could have done to make him behave that way, but I never figured it out. I still really miss the friendship we use to have before all that happened.

I believe that a man and a woman can be friends, but eventually--inevitably--one will "fall in love" with the other. That has been my experience so far in the sixteen and a half years that I've lived.

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Originally Posted by Dori

I believe that a man and a woman can be friends, but eventually--inevitably--one will "fall in love" with the other. That has been my experience so far in the sixteen and a half years that I've lived.

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Inevitably? Hmm, that's quite an interesting notion...
I doubt that is the case in every single circumstance. But I will testify to that statement from personal experience.
Most commonly, the feelings are not reciprocated... Do you believe that a friendship can still survive despite this?

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Originally Posted by LadyW

Inevitably? Hmm, that's quite an interesting notion...
I doubt that is the case in every single circumstance. But I will testify to that statement from personal experience.
Most commonly, the feelings are not reciprocated... Do you believe that a friendship can still survive despite this?

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Perhaps not inevitably, but most likely.

I'm not sure about the question you posed. I'm limited to my personal experience. I can't even wager a guess.

I don't know about "fall in love" but maybe it's very likely that one person will eventually develop a crush of some degree on the other person. And the friendship can definitely survive as such through that - I've had that experience. Maybe it can't always, but it is certainly possible. It doesn't necessarily doom the friendship.

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Originally Posted by Dori

I'm not sure about the question you posed. I'm limited to my personal experience. I can't even wager a guess.

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I have limited experience myself...
However, I would suggest that the survival of the relationship would depend how deep the romantic attatchment was...
If the feelings were only temporary, I suppose any hardships are easily overcome. If it was love... well that's a different story.

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Originally Posted by LadyW

I have limited experience myself...
However, I would suggest that the survival of the relationship would depend how deep the romantic attatchment was...
If the feelings were only temporary, I suppose any hardships are easily overcome. If it was love... well that's a different story.

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Indeed. Love is a different story :p I can't speak to that type of situation.

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Originally Posted by LadyW

Throughout my childhood, the ratio of male/female friends leaned heavily towards the latter. Looking back, I'm not exactly sure why... I guess it was just the done thing. I found males lacked a certain degree of maturity

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What? I found girls lacked maturity, obssessed over make up and clothes. :p ;) I think "maturity" is a matter of perception and definition.

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Originally Posted by Virgil

What? I found girls lacked maturity, obssessed over make up and clothes. :p ;) I think "maturity" is a matter of perception and definition.

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Yes I understand what you mean...
However, you must admit that children... male or female do posses a certain level of immaturity. Personally, I was always rather sensible for my age... so I suppose I found both genders a little childish, but mainly boys.

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Originally Posted by LadyW

What are your thoughts on male an female friends?

Like me, do you spot significant differences between the two?

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First of all , there is nothing called friendship between males and females , because that friendship won't be pure , so I think that each of them has to befriended with the same , as males with males and females with females , that will be so comfortable than any thing else ,
Note: this is not my opinion , it is a scientific researches .
Thank you , :)

Guy frinds are so much less backstabbing and manipulative! Girls, on the other hand, are more nurturing. I have more guy friends, than I do female friends, but my female friends are closer.

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Originally Posted by LadyW

What are your thoughts on male an female friends?

Like me, do you spot significant differences between the two?

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I had male friends for the first 14 years of my life, actually I think for the first 9 years everyone though I was a guy and then they were like "Hey! since when do YOU have boobs!?"

I like my male friends usually more than the girls, I'm sorry. Women just are so down. A guy would never say "Bakiryu, I feel small! Do you think my girlfriend loves me? I'm fat! I'm so ugly!" and break down crying. He'd probably make me laugh until I turned red and then share with me commentaries about girls and tv shows.

I like women friends for shopping and advice, they are more emotional and open.
I like male friends for companionship and like-mindedness.

:lol: Wow, Baki! You're so freaking funny!

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Originally Posted by Anza

:lol: Wow, Baki! You're so freaking funny!

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:lol: only on the 'net, I'm afraid, love.

Aww, I'm sure you're funny all the time. You can't say, also that you're only awesome over the net.

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Originally Posted by mercy_mankind

First of all , there is nothing called friendship between males and females , because that friendship won't be pure , so I think that each of them has to befriended with the same , as males with males and females with females , that will be so comfortable than any thing else ,
Note: this is not my opinion , it is a scientific researches .
Thank you , :)

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What's pure friendship?

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Originally Posted by kratsayra

Sometimes I wonder if friendships are better if you have the possibility of some kind of sexual tension. Not when you actually get involved with the person, but when the friendship is somehow fueled by some kind of curiosity or possibility - even if it's one-sided.

Because my closest, closest friends have always been guys or bi/gay girls. What's up with that? I have had many close friends that were straight girls but for some reason those friendships have never been as satisfying. Maybe I'm just insane . . .

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or maybe you are so attractive that even straight girls turn gay when they get to know you? ;) :D j/k

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Originally Posted by LadyW

What are your thoughts on male an female friends?

Like me, do you spot significant differences between the two?

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I do see a diffrence. A BIG one. My female friend are snooty and the male, I understand better. But I am female...

Growing up, I only had female friends. Well there were boys we'd hang around with, but I could never trust boys. I felt judged all the time, for not being as cute and feminine as the other girls (this still hinders my relation with the opposite sex in a certain sense), so I was always playing a role, masking my weaknesses etc.
With girls I would share anything instead. When I get to meet new people, it often takes me time before being comfortable with boys, while I can be comfortable with girls in just a few seconds. I just feel more relaxed.

At high school, we only had one boy in our class, and I think I can (could) consider him a friend, but since he was more of a puppy than a man to us, it felt like there was no gender involved anyway.

At Uni I got a male friend, and fell in love with him. It didn't end up well but I think his friendship was too shallow to last anyway.

Now, during the past couple of monhts, I've been hanging around a lot with two boys, and for the first time I feel absolutely fantastic in the presence of male beings. The only times I've been truly happy lately have been with them. But, I'm sorry, I'm desperate for a partner so there is some sort of tension. I have a huge, obsessive, desperate crush on one of them, who is gay. I thought I should concentrate on the other one but he doesn't attract me that much so maybe I just see him as a friend. But when we're all together all this doesn't matter, it's just fun and craziness. (they are very deep and sensitive) I also love to be treated and spoilt by them (to some extent of course), it's just so unusual for me.

One thing that fascinates me A LOT instead is friendship between males. I would love to understand how they feel, it doesn't seem to me that it's like friendship between girls. So that's another thing with these two boys, I like to study their friendship.

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Originally Posted by Bakiryu

I had male friends for the first 14 years of my life, actually I think for the first 9 years everyone though I was a guy and then they were like "Hey! since when do YOU have boobs!?"

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hahahahahahha :) Baki, this could be the story of my life, too :)

my best friend in kindergarten was a guy.
in primary school, my best friend was a girl, but I also hung out with a bunch of boys regularly. I did boyish things with both the girl friend and the guys (like building tree houses, romping around in the country side, spying on weirdos in the neighbourhood etc).
now it's 50/50 guys and girls and I agree with what most of you have said (i.e. girls are more emotional etc, whereas guys are good for a laugh etc), but I also find I can have a better conversation about politics, philosophy, the sad state of the modern world etc. with guys, because many girls are more interested in 'personal' things.... I do talk a lot about work/univ with my best friend (girl) and she tells me about her field of work (social work), but we never discuss any academic or theoretical issues (except psychology and social work theories)

as for the whole crush issue... I think even when ppl don't really have a crush on their friend, there's always the possibility of a crush at the back of their minds and this can make girl-guy friendships a bit awkward.. .like when you have a guy friend who is smart, nice, good looking and all that (objectively speaking) but you don't have a crush on him but sometimes you think "Hey, why is it I don't have a crush on him? He's so cool, I should have a crush!" and then you decide that's nonsense but it's very embarrassing to catch yourself having such thoughts :blush: )

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Originally Posted by Koa

One thing that fascinates me A LOT instead is friendship between males. I would love to understand how they feel, it doesn't seem to me that it's like friendship between girls. So that's another thing with these two boys, I like to study their friendship.

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hehehe, remember my thread about friendship between men in books or films?
let's found the Institute for the Investigation of Male Friendship together, OK?
you can be the chair (professor), but I want to be the Special Investigator of Male Psychology during Menopause :D (nothing to do with friendship, but never mind)

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Originally Posted by SleepyWitch

hehehe, remember my thread about friendship between men in books or films?
let's found the Institute for the Investigation of Male Friendship together, OK?
you can be the chair (professor), but I want to be the Special Investigator of Male Psychology during Menopause :D (nothing to do with friendship, but never mind)

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No I don't remember that thread, I guess I wasn't around.
why during Menopause? With one of my abovementioned friends we've been discussing the PMS the other guy seems to have :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hmm. I don't lean toward either gender, particularily. I like to get to know somebody before discerning if they're appropriate 'friend' material. If they're catty, sly, backstabbing, boring, any of the above, they're out, and that can happen in either gender.

All of my friends hang out in this kind of huge jumble, male and female. And we usually end up doing the same things- playing Wii, Guitar Hero, various other video games, drinking, or just going with the flow and doing random stuff (e.g pirate night, transgendered tea party, climbing church scaffolding, swimming in the Speed River, bagpipes on Wyndham st. downtown in my city, etc).

There's a definite differnce. I also think women tend to be more decisive in what they want to do and suggest things to do. With my boyfriend, who I will be cheesy and venture to say is my best friend, we end up sitting there going "No, what do you want to do?" "I don't care, what do you want to do?" "I want to do whatever you want to do." "Nonono, what do YOU want to do?"

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Originally Posted by BeccaT

There's a definite differnce. I also think women tend to be more decisive in what they want to do and suggest things to do. With my boyfriend, who I will be cheesy and venture to say is my best friend, we end up sitting there going "No, what do you want to do?" "I don't care, what do you want to do?" "I want to do whatever you want to do." "Nonono, what do YOU want to do?"

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I get that with one of my female friends all the time. With my guys it doesn't seem to be happening at all.

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Originally Posted by Koa

No I don't remember that thread, I guess I wasn't around.
why during Menopause? With one of my abovementioned friends we've been discussing the PMS the other guy seems to have :lol: :lol: :lol:

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male menopause is such an interesting phenomenon!!!! it can resemble so many other 'disorders', e.g. bipolar disorder or hypomania and can take you ages to figure out which of these 3 it is :) ... plus, it does have to do with male friendship after all, bc. males tend to have undiagnosed depressions and they don't have any close friends they can talk about their feelings with. they may have what males consider 'close' friends, but seeing as men tend to 'wave their d*cks at each other' even among friends, they don't confess their weakness to friends, so they are left alone in their depression. menopause--> depression--> no friend to talk to--> even more depressed
heeheee, you got me going off on a tangent here :)

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Originally Posted by LadyW

Throughout my childhood, the ratio of male/female friends leaned heavily towards the latter. Looking back, I'm not exactly sure why... I guess it was just the done thing. I found males lacked a certain degree of maturity and although there were a few exceptions, I tended not to hang around with them.
Towards my last years in primary school, I became quite a solitary person and spent every lunchtime, for approximately 3 years, reading books. This was mainly due to a serious amount of sly bullying from the girls and rather blunt verbal abuse from the boys.
I entered Highschool in need of a fresh start and after a year I landed myself some excellent friends. This is when the male/female ratio altered dramatically - I had roughly... 7 male friends and only 2 or 3 female friends. This is still the case now.

There are things I prefer about both sets of friends.
[The following descriptions are not generalizations of each gender.]
With my female friends, I feel we can dicuss things openly, moan about things like there is no tomorrow, share fairly personal secrets and have a few light hearted laughs.
My only issue perhaps, is the occasional *****iness directed at eachother and even more rarely - bordem.

With my male friends I am almost always guaranteed fun and laughter. Occasionally I may even get a rather deep conversation out of them :p I'm the only female amongst my male friends and so I enjoy the sense of individuality.
The only issue here is a clash of personalities...
Without meaning to offend, alot of males lack some understanding and tact when it comes to females - which doesn't exactly help when you're down.
I sometimes get the odd sexist comment, but thats only to wind me up because they know Im a roaring little feminist :P
I think the biggest downside to a friendly male-female relationship is if either party falls in love with the other - it can be potentially disastrous to the relationship.

What are your thoughts on male an female friends?

Like me, do you spot significant differences between the two?

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I am opposite to you LadyW...I have more female friends than male ones! I have said why this is the case in my previous posts on this forum :D

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Originally Posted by SleepyWitch

or maybe you are so attractive that even straight girls turn gay when they get to know you? ;) :D j/k

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Hahaha. I'm not saying that! ;) I know for a fact that one of my female friends from college (university) who is gay had a crush on me. And I suspect that someone else did too, but she was in a long-term relationship so that doesn't really count. And maybe I just wish she did. :p

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Originally Posted by SleepyWitch

as for the whole crush issue... I think even when ppl don't really have a crush on their friend, there's always the possibility of a crush at the back of their minds and this can make girl-guy friendships a bit awkward.. .like when you have a guy friend who is smart, nice, good looking and all that (objectively speaking) but you don't have a crush on him but sometimes you think "Hey, why is it I don't have a crush on him? He's so cool, I should have a crush!" and then you decide that's nonsense but it's very embarrassing to catch yourself having such thoughts :blush: )

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I have totally done that! I know exactly what you mean. :)

i prefer having guy friends... but what i want and what i have is two different subjects. i have , like, only, 4 guy friends and um... like 11 girl friends. :lol: and three of my guy friends i haven't see in like-what?- a year and a half. the only other guy friends i see regurally-Jo- we don't really hang out, but i'm beginning to be able to think him as a friend. i'm real slow getting friends... real slow!

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Originally Posted by SleepyWitch

hehehe, remember my thread about friendship between men in books or films?
let's found the Institute for the Investigation of Male Friendship together, OK?
you can be the chair (professor), but I want to be the Special Investigator of Male Psychology during Menopause :D (nothing to do with friendship, but never mind)

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I'd like to join the Institute for the Investigation of Male Friendship, if I'm allowed in. :) It's like a big mystery to me - my boyfriend and his guy friends - I just can't figure out their friendships at all. What do they talk about (when I'm not there)? Guys always seem so much more easygoing with each other than girls seem with each other. But do they still share their feelings when necessary? Or not? Etc . . .

Well, I was a little socially awkward in middle school but since I've started high school things have gotten much better. My closest friends are girls (there are six of us) but I'm able to talk and hang out with guys no problem. I go to a small private school and our whole grade knows each other so we all have a good time without worrying who is who, which is great. I have guy friends at work whom I have fun with but nobody whom I really think I could have a serious conversation with about something. That falls to my girlfriends. I will say, though, that I've never been in a relationship - I've been close a few times but it never actually ends up happening for me. I'm not sure why - but I know that when the right time comes along, things will get going. I just try to learn wherever I can.

I will say, though, that boys are much more chill with their friends than I could ever be with my friends. I think because generally females are more emotional and dramatic while boys are more laid back. Not to over-generalize but that is what I think.

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Originally Posted by Pensive

What's pure friendship?

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Actually I mean the meaning of the word "Pure"
as ,I'm female I have to befriended with a female just like me , she will understand me , she will be a friend not because of my gender but because of my character and my manners , she won't try to show me any thing in her ( her way of talking , her success , etc , and don't misunderstand me again Pensive) to attract me towards her .
her words will be a true ones , she won't try to deceive me.
I'll not be afraid from her acts and doings In any time.
we will be friends forever , I'll tell the world that I love her without waiting someone saying bad words about me ,
I'll be her friend after marriage and before marriage ,
My husband won't be worried about me while being with her.
my parents won't be afraid from her .
I'll be so comfortable .
That is the Pure Friendship, that last forever . :)
and, Thank you.

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Originally Posted by mercy_mankind

Actually I mean the meaning of the word "Pure"
as ,I'm female I have to befriended with a female just like me , she will understand me , she will be a friend not because of my gender but because of my character and my manners ,

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A male can't befriend a female due to her character?

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she won't try to show me any thing in her to attract me towards her .

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Err I don't get what you mean by 'show you'.

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her words will be a true ones , she won't try to deceive me.

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Is a male friend bound to deceive a female?

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I'll not be afraid from her acts and doings In any time.

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Good.

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we will be friends forever , I'll tell the world that I love her without waiting someone saying bad words about me ,

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If people say 'bad things' about friendship between males and females, it's the problem with the world not those friends.

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I'll be her friend after marriage and before marriage ,
My husband won't be worried about me while being with her.

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Again I think there would be little trust between you and your husband if your husband starts getting worried about you just because you are in the company of males.

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my parents won't be afraid from her .

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Good.

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I'll be so comfortable .
That is the Pure Friendship, that last forever . :)
and, Thank you.

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Not wanting to scare you or anything, but you know there is something called a 'lezbian' too. :p

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Originally Posted by Pensive

Is a male friend bound to deceive a female?

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Yes , it is an act , when you are so closer friends , Isn't it lead to a dangerous problems?

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Good.

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Good , so you agree with me?

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If people say 'bad things' about friendship between males and females, it's the problem with the world not those friends.

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Really!!! The World's problem?
No It is the two friend's problem.

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Again I think there would be little trust between you and your husband if your husband starts getting worried about you just because you are in the company of males.

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What ? a little trust , so you want to say that there is a man in the world or a woman agree happily to see his\her wife\husband with a male\female friend , telling him her secrets sharing with him her life , made him a member of that family ?
Oh , no I don't think that It is true.

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Good.

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the second "good"
I don't know you agree or disagree .

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Not wanting to scare you or anything, but you know there is something called a 'lezbian' too.

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I think that I don't understand that word "lezbian" , also , I don't know why you said that you scared me .
That is my opinion , and I'm not trying to persuade any one to agree or disagree with me , it is your own decision ,
Thanks for using my favourite color , :)