Homer: Lack beer of and T.V make homer something something.
Marge: Crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if i do. [Goes crazy, duh]
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Homer: Lack beer of and T.V make homer something something.
Marge: Crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if i do. [Goes crazy, duh]
hehe :lol:
like the one about driving and wine :)
Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like 'oh yeah?' and 'com'ere a minute.'
Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart! Com'ere a minute.
Bart: You com'ere a minute."
Homer: Oh yeah?
Marge: Homer, you don't have to pray outloud.
Homer: But he's way the hell up there!
Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon. The stupidest, smelliest ape of them all.
:banana:
LMAO :D I like it.
More Homer:
"As the Bible says, 'Screw that!'"
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."
"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."
*echoing memory of Flanders in ski suit* "Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all...nothing at all...NOTHING AT ALL..."
HOMER: Damn sexy Flanders!
MARGE: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
HOMER: Pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
haha, when talking of alcohol....
Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?
Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.
:banana:
:lol: I love that Four-day Weekend one.
Surprised no-one mentioned this one yet:
Jimbo (to Nelson):"Dude, you just kissed a girl. That is so gay."
*laughing histerically*
HOMER VS. DIGNITY -- This was on last night. Sorry for the length, but I think this is one of the longest sequences of funny lines in Simpsons history:
[edit] (useful bit of info) *Mr. Burns stands before a vending machine.*
BURNS: *with childlike innocence* Ah, a candy shop! I'll take two pounds of Bristol's toffee. Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly; I'm hungry now!
*long pause*
You've made a powerful enemy, today.
*goes into cafeteria*
What's this? There's some kind of invisible force field around these vegetables.
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get salad or sneeze on stuff.
BURNS: Ah, everything's so green and alive! *green veggie shrivels in his hand*
HOMER: Uhm... Mr. Burns, I was wondering if I could get a raise.
BURNS: *straightening up* What kind of a raise?
HOMER: Whopping?
BURNS: I see. You have thirty seconds to wow me.
HOMER: Well, you see sir, I've worked here a long time, and my wife has a game leg, and my kids have game things as well...
BURNS: I don't want to hear your whining! I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a larf!
HOMER: A larf? Okay... let's see, what's in the news today...
BURNS: Oh, for the love of... *picks up pudding* Hurl this... at that.
HOMER: At Lenny? But he's a war hero.
BURNS: Well, let's decorate him, then.
HOMER: No!
BURNS: Not even for... FOUR DOLLARS?
*Homer throws pudding*
LENNY: Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it.
BURNS: *laughing* That was capital! My lung is aching. Do it again. I'll make it an even eight...
HOMER: You're the boss.
LENNY: Ow! I'm in Hell!
BURNS: Let's keep the laughs coming, eh, Simpson? Let's say I make you my Executive in Charge of Recreation... no, no, better yet: my Prank Monkey!
HOMER: Will you keep giving me money?
BURNS: I can't have my little monkey running around in rags.
HOMER: Woohoo! *throws a cup of pudding at Carl*
BURNS: What are you DOING, man? That's Carl! *to Carl* Here, let me help you.
*takes Carl to eyewash station and glares back at Homer*
Other lines from the episode...
MARGE: When did this happen? When did we become the bottom rung of society?
HOMER: I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.
COMIC BOOK GUY: *eating many boxes of Peeps* If only the real chicks went down this easy.
BURNS: You're so much more fun than Smithers. Why, he doesn't even know the meaning of the word "gay."
*Lisa stands next to a parody of a 1930's urchin boy at the Thanksgiving Parade*
BOY: Hey, Lady. Santa Claus is going to be here, right? He just has to.
LISA: Something tells me he is. *pats him on the shoulder*
BOY: Don't touch me! Nothing gives you that right!
Costington's sign: "Over a hundred years without a slogan."
:D :D love 'em.Quote:
MARGE: When did this happen? When did we become the bottom rung of society?
HOMER: I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.
COMIC BOOK GUY: *eating many boxes of Peeps* If only the real chicks went down this easy.
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"
-Homer
"less artsy, more fartsy!!"
-Homer
LOL! My brother informed me that from next week they'll replace the Simpsons with Futurama... Which is OK but not as great as the simpsons!!!!!!! I'm a bit sad, but at least Futurama is cool enough...I fear we might have another quoting thread if I get the right mood... :D
Hello? where's my post? i can't see it.. can you?
(no that's not homer, that's me!!!)
ah...i see it now *sigh of relief*
I know, that's been happening to me lately too.
I forgot to preface the first Burns quote with the fact that he's talking to a vending machine. :D I'm going add that now, for the benefit of anyone who hasn't read it yet.
Ooh ooh: When Homer tries to jump off of a building. "The End" plays on the soundtrack, Homer starts singing along. He gets to the roof and gets in a line of people next to a sign that says, "JUMPERS." When he gets to the front he begins reflecting on his life.
MAN: Less chat, more splat, pal.
*pushes Homer off building*
OK I dont remember this well but today I saw the episode when Bart goes to the rock concert of Spiral Trap (or Tap?) and there's an interview to band that goes like....
Guy of the radio station: So, I'll say a word that has been following you during all your career: Failure. So how does it feel to be here tonight?
Band: Oh well... it's thanks to the fall of the Berlin wall, we have a lot of fans in the squalid part of the Iron Curtain...we have lots of fans in Bulgary and...how's the other -ary?
Other guy of the band: Hungary
Band: yeah, Hungary. I don't know anyone who gained more than us from the fall of the wall
Other guy of the band: Well, maybe the people living there...
Band: Oh, I had never thought about it.
(ouch it was much funnier and probably longer...)
Then Otto goes and lives with the Simpsons and plays Bart's guitar
Homer: Bart, why arent you palying yor guitar anymore
Bart: Honestly dad, it was too hard and I gave up
Homer: Oh this is a great day: you understood by yourself that if something is too hard, then it's not worth doing it! [bit I dont'remember] Now let's go and watch TV
Bart: what's on?
Homer: It doesn't matter *huge smile and satisfied voice*
ROFLMAO :lol: My case in point, Koa. Homer is the perfect representation of the average American.
Okay, no more America bashing for me today. :rolleyes: I think after a certain point they can probably fine me.
I forgot a 'pearl' from that same episode:
Otto goes and takes the test for the driving licence...As you know, Patty and Selma work at the office there...
Patty: Hi I'm Patty, you'll do your exam with me... With the red pen I'll mark the mistakes, with the green one I'll mark the correct answers...
Otto: Ok but first tell me, have you always been a woman??? I mean, you were male before, right? You can tell me, I'm open-minded....
Patty: I guess I won't need this *drops green pen*
:D:D:D
ROFLMAO :lol: yet again.
For some reason this has been stuck in my head for the past day and a half:
APU: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
*tries to re-post after the first post has been swallowed somewhere*
The episode when Flanders lends the Simpsons his house at the seaside, which is literally covered in messages on those yellow sticky papers...
on a box to make icecubes:
FILL ME
Marge: oh don't tell me Ned...and with what? *lifts paper* WITH WATER
on a pig to keep money in:
DON'T STEAL FROM ME
Bart:...Nice try Tod! :D
Well my mum is like that. She ws leaving messages even before, but me an my brother once told her about this episode, maybe even showed her, and now there's an invasion of messages...This morning there were 4 or 5 in the kitchen, one in the bathroom and, as we found out in a second moment, one in the fridge saying 'the peaches are in this box' :D A Flanders-mum :D :banana:
HHAHAHA! :D Poor Koa. I'd always be telling her how many trees she was killing.
I forgot about that episode. That's also the one where Lisa meets new friends and Bart gets them to sign her yearbook, because no one did at her school. He shows her when they're in the car on the way back...
MILHOUSE: *pleased with himself* Huh huh I signed it too.
*points to a small corner of the page: "See you in the car. Luv Milhouse."*
:D My friend and I each put that somewhere in each other's yearbooks every year of high school.
Oh another from that one: Homer buys a bunch of weird things to take the attention off of him ordering illegal fireworks...
HOMER: Hi. Uhm... let me have some porno magazines ... a large box of condoms ... a couple of those panty shields (andsomeillegalfireworks) and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.
*later*
MARGE: Homer, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, but count me out!
[Homer finishes signing all of Bart's academic warnings. Lisa gets one for gym class.]
Homer: Well... that's all of 'em. How 'bout a present, boy?
Bart: well.. I could use a new pair of ice skates.
Homer: You got it.
Lisa: How come Bart gets a present and I'm getting chewed out?
Homer: Ah, the mysteries of life...
by the way, in the Spinal Tap episode... Otto sings this song in the school bus which goes "if I lived here tomorrow.. would you still remember me?"
and I heard that song in the movie Outside Providence
anyone know who sings that song??
"Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. (Actually, it's "If I leave here tomorrow" -- biggest make-out song of the 70's next to Stairway to Heaven :p)
"Free Bird"
O key dough key
Thanks a bunch.
[makes a wish with the monkey's paw]
Lisa: I wish for world peace.
Homer: Lisa, that was very selfish of you!!
I have always liked that one, when Apu comes to Homer's door, his hands raised and looking really angry and menaceful (having previously lost his job thanks to Homer) but then saying that it means that he is sorry. Then he and Homer make pilgrmage to some Quickie-Mart holy man who only answers three questions.
Homer: "Are you really the holy man" (or something like that)
Holy man: "Yes."
Homer: "Really?"
Holy man "Yes"
Homer: "Really??"
Holy man: "Yes"
Then Apu asks his question, but the holy-man won't answer. Apu turns to Homer with the same menaceful and angry look with hands raised.
Homer: "No need to be sorry. It is as much my fault as it is yours." and then Apu starts to throttle him
Also liked the monkey-hand part. :banana:
LOL good one!!!
Last night's: Christmas episode from a couple years ago, "Skinner's Sense of Snow" -- kids get snowed in at school. Principal Skinner has a flashback to Vietnam and begins acting like an army officer.
RALPH: Mr. Army Man, I can't sleep without my Reggie rabbit.
SKINNER: Is that some kind of plush novelty?
RALPH: Yes ma'am.
SKINNER: Um...well, here's a scouring pad. It's just as good.
*Ralph cuddles the steel wool against his cheek*
RALPH: It's cold. And hurty.
SKINNER: Defying orders, eh? I see you Scotsmen are thrifty with courage, too!
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE: All right, Skinner. That's the last time you'll slap your Willie around!
*Homer hits a fire hydrant which explodes and immediately freezes over on the car.*
HOMER: Stupid ice! I always knew I'd die caked in something.
LOL Taliesin! :D :banana:
I miss the Simpsons :(
We're having Futurama now...These episodes are mostly not exciting, they're 'new' even if I know that they stopped making new ones a couple of years ago...I guess they hadn't got here yet.
A Simpsons quote I always forgot to mention:
(Homer and Bart at home alone)
Homer: Where's Bart? His dinner is cold and half-eaten *eats something from Bart's plate* :D
I always play it with my brother when I cook and he's late for the meal :D
Homer: My ears are burning
Lisa: We weren't talking about you
Homer: No, I lit a Q-tip to see inside
Willie: Ah, who'll save the wee turtles!?
Willie: Someone save me from the wee turtles. They were too much for me!
I was having a conversation one day with a friend about Phil Hartman and how he rocked, and said something about him being Troy McLure. SOmeone walking by asked "Who's Troy McLure?" Me and my friend looked at each other and smiled, and I turned back and started. "Well, you may remember him from such educational videos as..."
ROFLMAO :D Oh, what a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! And with a witness!
You lucky monkey, you.
Oh, and Taliesin -- funny clip! I like the one after it even more. ;)
Some good ones from here and there...
Editor reading Homer's food critic article:
EDITOR: This is a joke, right? I mean this is the stupidest thing I've ever read!
HOMER: What's wrong with it?
EDITOR: You keep using words like "pasghetti" and "momatoes," you
make numerous threatening references to the UN, and at the end you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over again.
MR. BURNS: Smithers, do you think you could dig up Al Jolson?
SMITHERS: Ummm... remember we tried that, sir?
BURNS: Oh right, he's dead... and rather pungent. The rest of that night is something I'd like to forget.
HANK SCORPIO: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country? Italy or France?
HOMER: France.
*Hank adjusts a giant laser*
HANK: Heh heh. Nobody ever says Italy.
APU: This is how you talk when you learn English from pornos.
Hooray for the season 4 dvd commentary where they just talk about Conan O'Brien over and over, and then get him to do an alternate commentary.
Not really a quote, but there's one of the Halloween specials where everyone is a zombie, and you see smithers walking around whistling "If I Only Had a Brain" (Wizard of Oz)
Hehehe I didn't catch that.
last night i was at a canada day celebration at princes island park in calgary, and there was a comedian on the grandstand who did "titanic in five minutes....with the simpsons cast". it has to have been one of the funniest things i have ever seen in my life. he did mayor quimby, smithers, burns, homer, bart, marge, lisa, the professor and krusty.
omg...too funny. wish you could have seen it. :lol:
Time to bring this topic back cos I've seen some new Simpsons here in the UK (well...downloaded...:D) and I have a few quotes to post before I forget them :)
- young Homer at camping: Oh look, a switch-knife...I see the switch, but where's the knife? *touches the switch* D'OH, my eye!!! :D
- Grandpa Simpson trying to conquer an old lady:
Old Lady: You're more boring thena my husband...and he's dead!
Grandpa: But then I smell better!!!
Old Lady: At the moment it's just about even!
One of the best quotes ever:
Willie looking at Lisa and Bart who became best friends:
This is unnatural, brother and sister should be enemies, like Scots and English...or like Scots and Welsh...or like Scots and Japanese...or like Scots and other Scots... damn Scots, they ruin Scotland!
the shortest distance is between two points.Quote:
Originally Posted by Koa
hi am new comer
Wish I could remember more examples, but my memory went practically blank when I read this post. I do recall that Matt Groening loves to poke fun at political correctness:Quote:
Originally Posted by Koa
Homer: I'm as dirty as a Frenchman!
I also recall Marge telling Bart: You haven't eaten your cottage cheese.
Bart: It looks like it's already been eaten.
Is it my imagination or is Smithers gay for Mr. Burns? (heh-heh)
I also love Futurama reruns.
Lela: Alcohol makes you stupid.
Fly: No, I doesn't.
In fact, my favorite comedy shows on TV are all cartoons -- including South Park and Tripping The Rift. I wonder what that means? Is my mind withdrawing into a cartoon world because I find the real world so absurd? Should I keep taking my meds or throw caution to the wind?