Adol also entered, so i've got two entries. Sorry pen i think i killed the thread.:( Maybe if someone else wants to take over and suggest a better form we might get the ball rolling again....:(
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Adol also entered, so i've got two entries. Sorry pen i think i killed the thread.:( Maybe if someone else wants to take over and suggest a better form we might get the ball rolling again....:(
You haven't killed the thread, Niamh. There are two weeks left to submit and people may just be busy. Anyway, here's my two cents:
Scene in a Home
Still life of a bowl of fruit and flowers
Painted on a summer’s day and filled with light,
The ticking clock telling the steady hours
As glowing dawn replaces the dark night,
A vase of spring’s first yellow daffodils,
An open book with half yet to be read,
The whisper breeze crossing the windowsill,
The gentle hand that strokes the resting head.
Deathbed where the hand grasps the sheets
With near skeletal frailty and the ear
Closes to the sound of the clock’s steady beat;
Eye closes to the memory from past years
Of little things enjoyed while she, in quiet hours,
Painted the still life of a bowl of fruit and flowers.
No you didn't kill it. I'm sorry Niamh. I've been partly preoccupied and partly uninspired lately. If I got two weeks left I will try to submit something. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Niamh
I'm in. Let me see what I can do. Please tell me if I make a mistake.
What love! Husband and wife for oaths exchanged;
Their garden sowed with faith
Her labor inherits father's name
In a chapel where she waits.
Can not an orbit cease,
nor a reaping be delayed?
At the withering of leaves,
spring and fall are weighed.
What lust! A farmer this mistress made.
More acres to invest,
so depletes the pond within barren land.
The length of one, should a garden lay.
Safe from vermin; safe from pest.
Unexplored and undiscovered.
:eek: Wow! well done petrarch!Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
nick yours is a nice poem but the layout is wrong. Have a look at the other entrants and the explaination of the form. Needs restructuring.Quote:
Originally Posted by NickAdams
ten days left for entries! hope more of you accept the challenge!
Only seven days left for entries!
On William Dyce's 'Pegwell Bay, a recollection of October 5th, 1858'
Autumn and Evening make a double ending.
The parchment sky's reflected in the sea.
Two women, both collecting shells, are bending
To look at one. A third waits patiently.
A child who holds a spade is gazing at
Some distant scene or object off the land.
Remoter figures walk across the flat
And rock-strewn beach, or, like the donkeys, stand.
Donati's comet's faintly seen above
The fossil-laden cliffs, whose strata seem
To show, more clearly than a book could prove,
The scale of evolutionary time.
New knowledge strains old certainties. The child
Is looking, maybe, at a coming world.
I wrote this in 1996. I'll try writing a sonnet or other poem specially for future competitions, but I haven't actually written any poems for a year or two - I really ought to get back into the habit.
Donati's comet was visible in October 1858, and in the full-size painting is faintly visible in the sky above the cliffs, but you can't make it out in my linked reproduction, unfortunately, so you'll have to take my word for it!
I've got plenty of other Petrarchan/Shakespearean hybrids: is it done to submit more than one poem to these competitions? (I wouldn't go too mad, of course.)
'Scene in a Home' by P.L. (above) is excellent and rather moving. I like the way it comes full circle in a somewhat darker mode from how it started, and the volta is spot-on.
You can only submit one entry. Thank you for your poem. Welcome to litnet steveH!
Six days left! Ant other takers?
Thanx, Niamh!
three days left for entries!
A serenade is coursing through my gut:
The wine and other wine and soup and beer,
The pesky discourse of the radiant slut,
The urinary moiety of fear.
Still here to come the stew of Irish style
That loiters with a cannibal intent,
A battery of a salt-and-pepper guile
Provoking now dyspeptic accident.
Then comes the coffee and the last goodbye.
And suddenly the shock is too damn near;
A last tear for the last girl of my eye.
My tent! My hut! My residence so dear!
The lawyers and their wallet-turning thugs
Make alimonious hell of secret hugs.
=====
Note: As Shakespeare did, I have bent the iambic pentameter for euphony and variety. So sue me. *grin*
thanks for your entry Auto!
tomorrow is last day for entries!
*shuffles in*
Mine, since everyone wants me to enter:
Hark, turn your face upward to the night sky
which Nyx has spread her dark torn wings across.
The tears reveal glowing orbs up so high
and they shine brightly for the daytime's loss.
Look closely and see the clusters of light
turn into a stunning great galaxy.
Softly fall upon your face stardust might
as the glowing stars sway and dance lightly.
Glowing blues, yellows, and reds leap as one
and too soon sadly must shrink and decease.
Mourn not: those cherished orbs are not done:
they shall return to shower Earth with peace.
For every death oh so grevious
a re-birth occurs which is glorious.
You just made it lily!
Competition closes at 12am tonight! will have results hopefully by thursday!
Well this round is now over so its time to choose a winner! Like Pendragon i'm gonna go through each poem separately.
Adolescent09
Adole i really liked your entry and you made a very good attempt of the form! I really liked these to lines most, But i felt that it needed to conclude the sonnet as a whole.
PendragonQuote:
Originally Posted by Adolescent09
Pen i love the theme of your sonnet, it really worked well with this form. I must admit i loved your Sestet. It's almost cunning, if thats the right word for it! Congrats!
Petrarchs loveQuote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Well Petrarch, you understood me in the end. This is a wonderful sonnet, so full of meaning and it stirs the emotion. i think the most important part of a sonnet is the strength of the concluding couplet. Yours makes one want to read it again and again. Weldone.
Nick AdamsQuote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
Nick this was a nice poem but unfortunately, as i said in a previous post, the form wasnt right and needed ajustment. Sorry. i really liked this stanza though.
SteveHQuote:
Originally Posted by NickAdams
Like Petrarch your poem does justice to the form, which you already have an understanding of. I also liked the theme. It is a wonderful tribute. I particularly liked these lines. Weldone and thank you for your entry!
AutolycusQuote:
Originally Posted by SteveH
Another well written Sonnet in the form. there is a great feel to the rhyme of the Sonnet. weldone! I really liked these lines, particularly the last one.:D I like it!
Lily AdamsQuote:
Originally Posted by autolycus
Lily i posted your intire poem as i wanted to see if it worked with the petrarchan lay out and i think it does! I love the imagery. To me i feel that it does capture the essense of the night sky. A remarkable poem for someone so young!
i have had the same problem that Pendragon had in the last round. I am finding it very hard to choose a winner as most of the poems are of great standard.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily Adams
The talent of the entrants is remarkable and i would like to thank everyone who has entered the competition.
Nick thanks for entering
Adol, and Pen your talent never ceases to amaze me!
Lily, for a fourteen year old, you are on your way to being a very talented poet. Stick to the form and stick to what you like and Know!
Petrarch and Autolycus, Your poems both contained strength and emotion.
And SteveH, your knowledge of the form, meant that you could work that theme into the form quite well.
But alas i can only select one winner and the winner is Petrarchs Love.
I choose your Sonnet not only for the form structure but also for the theme and your amazing couplet. As steveH mentioned previously it went full circle, ending in a darker note than what it began with, taking in the view of the first few lines as a memory in the last.
Three cheers for Petrarch! :banana: :banana: :banana:
Niamh,
Thank you. I never had a chance to do another one, but I'm ready for the next go.
No worries Nick! The next form is up to Petrarch so we all have to be patient. Should be interesting!
Wow, thank you Niamh. I'm honored to be chosen from amongst so many talented sonneteers.
Also, thanks to Steve H. for your kind words about my poem, which I had somehow missed earlier. By the way, Steve, welcome to the forums, and I also like your sonnet on the painting. You should give our picture poetry contest a try. I bet you would do well.
Now I've got to go scratch my head and come up with a form for all these talented poets to write in. I'll post as soon as I come up with it, but first I need to go eat dinner.
Congratulations Petrarch! Dont leave us waiting too long!
No more waiting. Sorry about that. Got completely distracted last night and neglected to come back and post.
For the form this round I thought perhaps a sestina, but that's a rather long undertaking, so instead I'll suggest a variant on the sestina, which as far as I know I've invented, and which I'll call the Quatrina. The quatrina consists of four quatrains and the lines of each quatrain end in the same four words, but in different order. Here's a little outline of what the ending words for the lines would be for each quatrain:
Word 1
Word 2
Word 3
Word 4
Word 2
Word 3
Word 4
Word 1
Word 3
Word 4
Word 1
Word 2
Word 4
Word 1
Word 2
Word 3
To make it clearer here's an example I penned myself. Not a great poem since I both came up with the form and wrote this in about twenty minutes :p, but it will give you the idea and leave lots of room for you to improve on the form with your own brilliant style. :) Also, I chose to use a rhyme scheme, but I'll leave it up to the poets what sort of rhyme scheme they apply and whether they want to rhyme at all. Ditto with the meter. The main thing is to have the words repeated from stanza to stanza.
Breaking the tense stillness of the night,
Breaking the stifled darkness comes a song
From an apartment window square of light
Singing of the man that done her wrong.
In rich alto tones song follows song
Making a gospel shift to souls that find the light
After long blindness and long living wrong.
Awake! Yes Lord, awake from spiritual night.
And the jewel toned notes float smooth and light
Coloring all the world right where it was wrong
Warming the cold heart of the friendless night
Until an aching high note ends the final song.
The apartment window dims, and the lonely wrong
Of darkness returns to the street below. The night
Returns to its own strange smothered song
And I walk on beneath the yellowed city light.
Forgot to post a deadline for this contest. I'm going to make it June 22nd, which should give me enough time to transplant myself back to California for the summer, and you enough time to write amazing poems.
Congrats, Petrach's Love!
I am thankful to you that it is not a full 2/3 sestina, or it would probably have to end with a couplet containing all 4 words as well... *grin* and in iambic tetrameter or some such.
I kinda fiqured you'd take this round, Petra! Love the way people keep coming up with these new forms! When I started this thread I was afraid it would fizzle quickly into free verse, you have amazed me! I look forward to trying this new form! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...lies/Smirk.gif
Thanks, Auto, and yes, I think it's very good that I didn't go for a 2/3 sestina.:lol: I tried to figure out something that might work as the equivilent of the final stanza in the sestina, but I figured this way was much easier.Quote:
Congrats, Petrach's Love!
I am thankful to you that it is not a full 2/3 sestina, or it would probably have to end with a couplet containing all 4 words as well... *grin* and in iambic tetrameter or some such.
Thanks, Pen. As for things fizzling into free verse, I very nearly assigned a villanelle for this round, but took pity on everyone after all. ;) This form isn't nearly as creative as your backwards-forwards one, but I do very much look forward to seeing what you and all the other talented poets come up with.Quote:
I kinda fiqured you'd take this round, Petra! Love the way people keep coming up with these new forms! When I started this thread I was afraid it would fizzle quickly into free verse, you have amazed me! I look forward to trying this new form!
Wow! Congrats to Petrarch's Love! Great job!
I can see why you had trouble choosing the winner.
Thanks for the compliment, Miss Niamh. :) 'Twas not much of a poem...
can i post my poem??or is it too late??
:thumbs_up :D oops nevermind.. uh congratz
The Field
Away from the field
into the forest;
Surrounded by trees
under the moon.
Surrounded by trees
under the moon;
Away from the field,
in the forest.
In the forest,
away from the field;
Under the moon
surrounded by trees.
The sun replaces the moon-
away from trees,
away from the forest,
and onto the field.
You get inspiration at the oddest hours...
Permanent Solutions Unnecessary
All you can hear is pitter-patter of falling tears,
All you can feel is a heart so filled with the pain;
Deeper and deeper you descend into loneliness—
Thinking of jumping off the cliff of your despair…
You never knew there was so much pain,
Or how awfully cruel could be that loneliness;
On the very edge of your leap of despair,
You raise to the heavens eyes filled with tears…
But you see only the moment in your terrible loneliness,
What good is life if you must always live in despair?
Straining for words of a prayer, through salty tears:
“Oh, dear God! I just cannot take any more of this pain…”
Can there be a light that shines even in darkest despair,
A beckoning beacon one only sees through one's tears?
Can there be a place where there is comfort from pain,
And someone to hold your hand—bring an end—to loneliness…?
© 6/2/07
Pendragon
Well, never tried this before but this is my effort - hope you like it!
Chemical Dreams
I fall awake from chemical dreams
absorbing the sleepy light of day.
Knowing that all is not as it seems;
wondering whether I’m here to stay.
I have a feeling about this day
the light is heavier than it seems.
The gathering clouds are here to stay;
billowing darkly around my dreams
Time passes slowly, or so it seems;
a wandering moment is here to stay.
Settling softly within my dreams
breathing the warmth of a summer’s day.
So here in this moment I will stay
cushioned within my chemical dreams.
No more to feel the cold light of day;
knowing that all is not as it seems.
I'll have a go soon.
I invented a sestina variant once - three-line stanzas and a one-and-a-half line envoi. I called it a triolina. I only wrote one, though, and it was crap.
Just had a chance to take a closer look at our entries so far, which are all great poems. Keep 'em coming folks. :)
Just one problem, however. Nick Adams, you've submitted a nice poem, and I like your guts in not just repeating the whole line rather than just the end word, but it doesn't quite follow the form. The end words should be rotated in a specific pattern (see the numbers in my initial post) so that, if your first stanza is "field, forest, trees moon," then your second stanza should be "forest, trees, moon, field" etc. Let me know if you're confused about this and would like me to explain more.
Oh, I didn't think the the order in the rearrangement mattered. I will submit something new, for the past it history.Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love
I take my Fear and my Humilation
I crush it into my Fist
I open up my hand i have Diamonds
My Diamonds are my Rage
I have Diamonds in my eyes
i made some arrangements.and corrections to this poem...
If this is a variant of the sestina, shouldn't it have a two-line envoy at the end, to correspond to the sestina's three-line envoy, in which half the repeating words appear at the end of the lines and the other half somewhere within them?
Be that as it may, here's my effort, with envoy. The title, which supplies the four repeating words, is the slogan from a late-19th or early-20th century advertisment for the Hook Norton Brewery Co. Ltd., a reproduction of which I've got on a poster on my living-room wall. Click here.
Celebrated Ales and Stout
Let malt and hops in verse be celebrated!
Sing we the praises of all types of ales -
Of India Pale, of Bitter, Pilsner, Mild, and
Of Porter, famous ancestor of Stout.
Belgium has Trappist, Lambic, Kriek: dry Stout,
As made in Ireland,'s justly celebrated.
Britain invented India Pale Ales
And Bitter and Old Ale and Porter and
Lots more besides. Pilsner's from Germany and
The Czech Republic. Oddly, Russian Stout
Has British origins - it's celebrated
As star and Tsar among the strongest ales:
So raise your tankards to the drink that stout
Yeomen have always drunk and celebrated:
Harriestoun's, Theakston's, Fuller's, Jenning's ales,
And Chimay, Aass, Leffe, Hoegaarden, and
Hook Norton Brewery's celebrated Ales,
Robinson's 'Old Tom'*, and Titanic stout.
*King of beers! (imo.)
http://www.mit.jyu.fi/mweber/blog/images/Old_Tom.jpg
or, pharmaceuticals and elder gods
In the great house He lies dreaming
The sleep is deep, not permanent;
In some far future chemical
Cold equations find solution.
What the cold has made permanent
Is the house of things chemical;
Man searches deep for solution
To the far hope which lies dreaming.
The cold makes it smell chemical;
These machines house a solution.
What in vasty deep lies dreaming
Has life not far from permanent.
Far submerged and in solution,
The cold subject still lies, dreaming
His house forever permanent;
In the deep stir things chemical.
Can lies dreaming find solution?
Truth, permanent or chemical?
=====
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
hello creatures of the world. i'm new here, so i am inquiring are these poems one you have created. or have they come from books that you have read? i am inquiring because i am a young ( very, very young) writer. truthfully, i haven't even published anything. i just consider my self one because i love to write. i have severl poems i have written and would like to post them. thanks for the help.
P.S. Mor'ranr lifa unin hjatta onr- you'd have to read "Eldest to find out what i just said.