Originally Posted by
Jack of Hearts
As much as one hates to repeat feedback... between you, ShadowsCool and (formerly) Biggus, this reader is running out of honest responses to offer (blame it on his pedestrian intellect).
To virtually echo the reply to your first offering: This seems, to this reader, to fall just short of effective. There are lines that seem like they're going to propel the beauty off of the page but they're consistently followed by real sandbags that kill the momentum, figuratively speaking. It's knocking on the door but it can't come in.
... but, all the same, this reader thought your use of enlambment went well with the mint jelly.