Dog gone it, I keep forgetting to read these. This weekend, I promise.
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Dog gone it, I keep forgetting to read these. This weekend, I promise.
Massages? One of my specialist subjects!
I've given..... no..... I can't tell any of those stories.
Suffice to say, my hot oil massages have a certain reputation which is fully justified!
:D
Do you want to borrow my water pump?
(http://www.online-literature.com/for...t=55263&page=2 post 18.)
Well now, this changes everything. Hmmm. Ah, what the hey, I’ll try anything once.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sancho
The {edit} contained all good comments. It’s just that I ain’t never been no good at following no instructions. Sorry, Scher. Also, I see now that I really could’ve used a hyphen between short and fiction. It's sort of comical trying to figure out what's modifying what in that sentence.
Dear Mrs. Scheherazade
I am in receipt of your epistle, offering me the chance to be one of the Official Masseurs to Litnet. I am deeply touched. I have checked my diary, and with the exception of a 600-word piece to write for Mechanics Monthly on "The Diesel Engine in pre-Raphaelite Art", I seem to be reasonably free. Obviously, I can't do Wednesday nights, as you know, because of the taxidermy classes. By the way, the ferret is coming along nicely, if a bit smelly now. However, a bit of the mother-in-law's hairspray seems to keep it down to a dull roar. My teacher is very pleased, although, for some odd reason, she only tells me so by e-mail these days.
I have checked the contract with the British Union of Masseurs (BUM), and there are certain provisos, what with this being a charity gig, and all. The official uniform for the Masseur (Hereinafter referred to as "The Masseur") is; hob-nailed Wellington boots, rude moleskin trousers, a collarless, cotton shirt and a coat made of ainimal skins. Since this one seems to stir up a red mist amongst the animal rights crowd, I shall wear a donkey jacket, with the letters NUM on the back. I presume this is the National Union of Masseurs, a pre-cursor of the present body. The Internet remains silent on the subject.
The Massee, if that's the proper word, (hereintoforethereafter known as "The Victim") may choose their own clothing, but please note that stilleto heels damage the lino, and we ask clients not to wear them. Especially the gentlemen. Also, it makes them taller than me.
The oils to be used are: Ylang Ylang, Camphor, Peppermint or Esso Gold for the Modern Engine type 10W 40. The Victim may choose their own. Lavender oil is forbidden under the "Smelling like my Granny" Regulations, Sect 4 sub-sect iv, para 237 sub-para mcmlxvi of 1978 (Revised 1993).
I trust that this is in order. I have been in contact with Mr. Neely and, because of distances involved, have sent Mr Atheist a prayer. I know he will appreciate it.
I am, Sir, Your Humble and Obedient Servant
Etc. Etc. etc
After all the drumming up, there are still only 10 votes???
Now, I am disappointed, people!
come on, you lot ......vote .......or you get two massages!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by scheherazade
How about you, Dafydd?Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
When are you going to vote?
:p
As an official prize, so to speak, I wasn't aware that I could. Right - call me at the crack of noon!
dafydd, here’s something weird. When I read your post about your peculiar and depraved method of therapeutic massage, the voice inside my head that reads to me had a British accent, something like: “Step lively Lef-tenant, there’s a good chap, right so, Bob’s your uncle.” Normally the voice sounds more like Forrest Gump: “Loo-tenant Dan, ice cream. Loo-tenant Daaa-un, ice creeem”
I must say I enjoyed all five stories. :)
This is the way I like to see these contests go. Although we have what would seem to be a clear winner, every writer gleaned at lest one vote. So if you didn't win, at least you know that your story reached at least one person!
Good point Pen. That's a great way to see it. And I know when I've entered, it was a thrill to see one vote, even if it was the only vote.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
I agree with you both -- what a festive competition! You are both also of my attitude regarding what constitutes, "A Winner". That is, to get one person's vote, of course means that a particular individual thought that story was best -- out of all the rest! That is winning all by itself.
It inspires me to sit down (okay, so I'm already sitting... so sit down, WITH AUTHORITY) and do some writing myself.
Congratulations to the writer of "Anyhow In A Corner", who is the winner of August elimination.
Other contestants can post their stories in separate threads if they would like to receive feedback.
You can now submit your entries for the October elimination, which will be the last one for 2010.