I agree with Papaya that talking the issue with your father might be a good starting point... then maybe you can try to bring them together to find a solution to your problem.
It must be a really hard situation though.
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I agree with Papaya that talking the issue with your father might be a good starting point... then maybe you can try to bring them together to find a solution to your problem.
It must be a really hard situation though.
I have never had a stepfather, so I am not sure how to approach this, but he does sound like an arse. I've also never been a parent so I am unsure why your mother is unable to resolve the situation. The only reason I can think of for why your mother doesn't do anything is because she is unable, or doesn't know what to do. From the post above, it sounds like he doesn't treat her much better, and since she is clingy, it sounds like she simply isn't able to do anything about the situation. She says that your problems are her problems - maybe she means that she does know what you're going through, but for some reason, she thinks having him around is better than the alternative.Quote:
My stepfather hates my guts and is always screaming at me about how I should be always doing housework and how much I fail to be human (or how ugly and useless I am, you know). When he's out of work (I mean on his free day) he drinks and doesn't allow me to go on the internet or watch television. He also takes out all his rage on me when he has a bad day or something like that. I can't talk back to him or he goes insane. He screams at my mother too, he's very controlling. My mother is a very clingy person and won't let me move in with my father (or date or have any life that's not about her), she says my problems are her problems and she'll do something about it because she can't live like that. The problem is she doesn't do anything! What should I do?
So, it sounds like there isn't much that you can reasonably do other than wait it out and hope your mother can gather enough self-respect to kick him to the curb. Maybe you could talk to her about what she sees in him. Don't make it an accusation, just try to talk to her - ask her questions about him and how he treats her, and maybe why she loves him. Keep the focus on your mother - don't bring up the parts about how he treats you specifically. Try to find out what she gets out of her relationship with your stepfather. More information might help you deal with your relationship with him.
I know that seems like a cop out answer, but sometimes when things suck, it helps to shift the focus off of your own misery. Right now, you're thinking about your relationship with him, and your mother's inability to cope with it. Maybe you could just talk to your mother about her relationship with him. Find out how she came to meet him, and marry him, and what she saw in him, and how she views relationships.
Maybe this is one of those life-lesson situations. You go through something bad, and while you can't extricate yourself from the situation, you can at least learn something while you're in it that you can use later in life. Maybe by experiencing this, you can learn how to avoid the same fate in your own life in the future.
I think Shalot hit the nail on the head.
I had a situation where my brother gradually came to realize that my best friend was awesome and made the moves.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
He never said anything to me, but it became apparent to her that he was interested. She was put in a bit of an awkward position, as she and I were like sisters, and she really did like him/respected him.
SO: She came to me, hestitantly, fearing that the whole relationship would get jeopardized over this matter. She did like him, but did not want things to change between she and I, should things not work out with my brother. She actually wanted my advice as to how to let him down easily, without hurting him. This was not easy.
The end result was that things were somewhat awkward when she'd visit at our home when he was there, but eventually it all smoothed out.
So if this story helps you, I am glad to have shared. Personally, it does get very awkward, so you need to make your moves slowly, thoughtfully, and back off if there is any sign of a problem.
Good luck! :)
As for this week's dilemma, I am on my way to the dentist and will think of my response for that one.
GREAT THREAD!! :thumbs_up
Thanks everyone for their input!
Here is this week's issue:Quote:
My sister has always had a weight problem and has always worried about her child becoming overweight because of her experience as the "fat kid" in school. I just found out that the child is forty pounds overweight. Considering her hypersensitivity regarding this issue, should I say something and if so what should I say?
Whats 40 pounds in kgs, or stones?
40 lb = 18 kg = 2.8 stone
There are 14 lbs in one stone, no?
It would kind of depend on how old the kid is. If they are already that overweight at a real young age, something probably should be done/said before it gets worse, but if they're like you know, almost at their teens or something - well then the kid would have some responisiblilty for looking after themselves too.
From the wording, the kid sounds young, so I think something should be said, otherwise yeah, it's just going to get worse and they wont be very healthy.
As for what to say... Well it depends why the kid is overweight. If its a genetic and body structure thing, it might be a bit more difficult to approach. But if it's eating and exercise habits, it might help if you talk about new healthy recipes and go for walks to a park or a zoo or something with the kid, or bike riding or something (once again, depends on age and all) - get the kid and the mother out doing exercise together and eating better.
Thats just my thoughts.
yes but I was wondering of we were talking english pounds, or american ones or are they the same ? :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
I know there are 7 kgs in a stone.
I suppose like sprinks says the age element comes into it as well as can the kid function, saw this thing recently about a 3 year old who was so over weight she cant walk more than 100 meters at a time.
It is 6.35 kg actually.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightshade
hey so Im lighter than I thought I was ?!
:banana:
I looked it up here:
http://onlineconversion.com/
100 grams = 0.22 lb = 0.22 lb force = 0.2 lb metric = 0.267 lb troy
I would say something to the sister. These days to be 40 pounds overweight is considered obese. The child runs the risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Diabetes is not necessarily genetic.
I would try to make her understand that what happened to her growing up is now happening to her child and if she wants to prevent that then she needs to start a plan of action now. Let her know that you support her and the child 100% and that you will hep if help is needed.
Either way I would also recommend child get a full physical and blood work done.
:nod:Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightshade
At least kilogram-wise :)
I agree with PNB that 40 lbs is a consirable excess especially for a child. Even though it might be hard to face it, it is a good idea to talk to the sister. Even if she refuses to acknowledge it initially, it might prove to be something to think over later on and start doing something afterwards.
My nephew gained a lot of weight following a family move (even though he did not have any weight problems while younger). However, when he was 15, he decided he did not want to carry on like that and started keeping an eye on what he was eating. He was not dieting as such; just refusing the second helping of the pasta or the extra slice of toast etc. And in a few months' time he lost about 30 lbs. Now he is physically active, more confident and, interestingly enough, doing better at school as well.
It is amazing how quickly and easily the younger ones can adapt.