how painful haunted. Like watching an aging parent fade away into the thick mist of dementia.
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how painful haunted. Like watching an aging parent fade away into the thick mist of dementia.
Hello Haunted. I missed this first time round. It is a great poem, with the concision of Okham's Razor. So simple and so effective.
best - H
A raw voice speaking to a dead ear!
Agree with Prince. What a hard thing to have to go through.
J
Thank you all for your comments!
Delta, glad (in a saddening sense) that you can relate...
Hawkman, thank goodness you found it the second time around, I value all your comments.
yeah Prince, that's the size of it.
Jack, thanks for the read and the kind words.
this kiss
he gently eats my lips
like they are liver delicacy
char-blackened by
designer lipstick as dark
as midnight
I lick every inch of his neck
before I nip on his earlobe
kiss my neck again
he moans
so I tease it with my tongue
and then I finish it off
in one impassioned bite
with my fangs
Hey Stranger!
I like this poem but I think the last two lines are too revealing. Would it help to slip in a full moon and/or a metaphorical feast? IMHO
the kiss
is a nice poem, Haunted! I agree with Delta re the ending. Sensuality is in the air these days! and it's not the beginning of the spring (well, not it this part of the world)!
Long live erotic poetry!
hi Delta and Bar, thanks so much for your comments.
I agree with both of you, but my brain turned to mush, this is the best I could come up with. At least I didn't say "blood red lips"!
lol. the red lips would have been too much! :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
You were extremely restrained in this kiss! ;) indeed! and charitable, too.
Hey haunted, welcome back! I must say I enjoyed this but I have to tell you it sparked some neurons in my brain which you probably never intended to reach - lol. Did you know that when the single strip colour film by Kodak was first introduced for shooting movies it lacked the red sensitivity of the old Thechnicolor three strip system. Red lipsticks always came out brown. The effect was called liver-lips!
But enough of this old movie history lore! This is a great poem and bags of fun. thanks for sharing :)
Live and be well - H
Bar, restrained in sensuality or bloodlust? If it's lacking that's because good writing eludes me!
Hawk, so glad you enjoyed it. I equally enjoyed the old movie history that transforms red lipsticks to "liver-lips". It might not be desirable on film, but it makes a mysterious color. How fascinating!
I agree that the last two lines - or the last at any rate - are too much of a sucker-punch and kiss my neck again ought to be within quotation marks or italicized, as one (or I) initially took it as being in the voice of the narrator, but the slow unfolding of this heightens the eroticism.
good catch Prince, I overlooked that. It's ital'd now.
It seems unanimous that I should do something about the ending lines, so I changed it somewhat. But not sure if it works. I welcome your suggestions and edits.