Quote:
Dreaming
Pat did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling asleep. Suddenly, he woke to find an elderly man standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom and who are you?" he demanded. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am Saint Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die, I'm too young", cried Pat. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back!" "It's not that easy", said Saint Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. Pat considered this, and figured being a dog could be too tiring, but a hen probably has a relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen", Pat replied.
The next second, he found himself in a chicken run, very nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow. A nearby hen said, "Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm. How is it going?" "Well, it's okay I guess, but it feels like my rear end is gonna blow up."
"That's only ovulation. Have you never laid an egg before?" "No, how do I do that?" Pat asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Pat clucked twice, pushed and then 'plop', an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Pat said, "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Pat, for God's sake wake up. You're ****ting all over the bed!"