Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

Poems!

The laddie fancies himself a poet!

Rubbish!

Roger Waters, The Wall.

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Originally Posted by jocky

Aye, and apparently he was a left footer , but this is just hearsay you understand.

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:smilielol5:

Oh, I bet he was.

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Originally Posted by jocky

However in my humble opinion no one could have written The Scottish Play ( Wiki leaks could be hacking in ) without the necessary inside info.

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I remember the Scottish Play!

That was where Willie-John Mcbride peeled off the lineout, cut-out pass to John Jeffrey for a barnstorming, high knee-action run to the goalposts.

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Originally Posted by jocky

We are trying to pass a law which states categorically that no rugby team from whatsover nation are allowed to enact the HAKA and fear us to death before the match at Murrayfield. This applies to all nations to whomsover this may refer to. :)

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You'll actually get quite a lot of support over here for that.

The boofheads (83% of rugby supporters) love it for the aggression it shows, while the rest feel it's a stupid anachronism, horribly overdone and not something that needs to be on a rugby paddock.

Maybe Scotland should try the old "reverse kilt haka" to see how that goes down.

Puerile nonsense.

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Originally Posted by jocky

Listen I loved Ma, Pa and Jethro as much as the next man, but Ellie May was something to behold. As to you awarding me a straight 2, you might have made it a 2 and a half. As to giving Mick a 6 you will only encourage him. Remember I can only go up and he has got to go down. Swings and roundabouts Old chap, swings and roundabouts. Damn I might get a 1. You fly git you awarded yourself a 10. Gilliatt is not playing with a straight bat and I am demanding a 4 by 4 ruling.

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Heck, even I knew Gilliatt was doing the counting thing!

Ellie-May, slightly before my time, but I certainly ...
,,,,,admired her in repeats.

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

No, no... those are the stanza(?)/ line(?) counts.
You know...the little numbers off to the side of poems.

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Even I knew that! It amazed the hell out of me, actually.

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Originally Posted by jocky

If we are to construct this monumental piece, then we must have reference points along the way.

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I'll leave you to count, and I bet you never find anything I write to put a number on.

I'm a Phillipino.... Philistinian .... Philidelphian...

...one of those people with no music or poetry in their soul.

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Originally Posted by jocky

. Howzat! :D

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Only three more sleeps!

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I hope mrs Jocky isn't making unreasonable demands.

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Fat chance of that Mick. Mrs Jocky and I are not on speaking terms at the moment or to be more precise she is not speaking to me. All because I declared my intention of going through to cut the Widow MacKenzie's grass. She gave me a look which I can only describe as sheer malevolence as she stated through gritted teeth " At eleven o' clock at night, that will be right ". I have to go now as I have a mountain of dishes to do. Women can be so petty.

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Originally Posted by jocky

Fat chance of that Mick. Mrs Jocky and I are not on speaking terms at the moment or to be more precise she is not speaking to me. All because I declared my intention of going through to cut the Widow MacKenzie's grass. She gave me a look which I can only describe as sheer malevolence as she stated through gritted teeth " At eleven o' clock at night, that will be right ". I have to go now as I have a mountain of dishes to do. Women can be so petty.

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Sympathies. A week, or maybe two, of penitence looms. Exrtra housework, kindly words and smiles rebuffed. Perhaps an unscheduled holiday, or an expensive item of jewellery. Maybe a candlelit dinner.

Of course this may be anathema to the Jocksman, who may decide to sweat it out. :D

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Originally Posted by jocky

Fat chance of that Mick. Mrs Jocky and I are not on speaking terms at the moment or to be more precise she is not speaking to me. All because I declared my intention of going through to cut the Widow MacKenzie's grass. She gave me a look which I can only describe as sheer malevolence as she stated through gritted teeth " At eleven o' clock at night, that will be right ". I have to go now as I have a mountain of dishes to do. Women can be so petty.

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You're a saint!

How your wife can object to such an altruistic gesture astonishes me.

Hard, hard woman.

great audio/video of the Metrodome roof's 4th collapse on Fox Sports. having lived in those environs it just goes to show that a teflon roof supported by nothing but hot air doesn't cut it in that climate.

Think I'll cancel plans to visit London and enroll at University. Unless of course I'm invited to ride in the royal Rolls, just to hear Camilla/Charles response to such an affront.

No need to google this Murphy's Law: what can go wrong will go wrong. So, when you drop your buttered bread it lands on the buttered side. It's merely karma gents.

Hopefully by now Jocky has learned to hit an inside the park homer, sliding safely into home, able to pick up his bat (straight or not) and do it all over again, much to the joy of the participants. (Stick it between the wickets man!) If that's not clear, grab a bottle, pour a shot, say "here's mud in your eye", and enjoy the day anyway.

Many happy karmic returns on the day to y'all. Perhaps even Soundo will learn the meaning of pogonip (easier to spell than hoarfrost).

Keep up the great poetic works as well! Oh, and Elly Mae had nothing over Daisy Duke of Hazzard County Kentucky.

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

great audio/video of the Metrodome roof's 4th collapse on Fox Sports. having lived in those environs it just goes to show that a teflon roof supported by nothing but hot air doesn't cut it in that climate.

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Nice video!

Funny how people forget about how snow is made up of water, which is actually reasonably heavy stuff.

We had a smaller stadium get crushed under snow even though it had a steel roof just a couple of months back.

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

Think I'll cancel plans to visit London and enroll at University. Unless of course I'm invited to ride in the royal Rolls, just to hear Camilla/Charles response to such an affront.

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I'd love to know if Chuck just thought for even a second of his predecessor namesake.

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

Oh, and Elly Mae had nothing over Daisy Duke of Hazzard County Kentucky.

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Or Petticoat Junction!

I always found myself drawn to the blondes when I was a kid.

Nothing changes.

petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

...URL="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2857208064/tt0056780"]Or Petticoat Junction[/URL]!

I always found myself drawn to the blondes when I was a kid.

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)

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Another great TV classic...

"Come ride the little train that is rollin down the tracks to the junction..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAksy...eature=related

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If I may shift gears and take inventory of our tale.
Here's what we have so far:

J=Jocky; P=Prendrelemick; G=Gilliatt; TVZ= Townes van Zandt (Lyrics to Pancho and Lefty)

There was a young dude called Gilliatt
who believed in Sasquatch and all of that
till he met Emmy Lou
whom he intercoursed in the zoo
and that was the end of the bigfoot younger brat 5 J

First Clown: Marry, methinks I see a ... nay I know not what, methinks it is nine times three doubly, doubly rebounded!
What ho a stranger comes hence.
(Aside) ... Cease thy damned knocking.
Softly, away, away....(Follow that)...... 9 J

I met a fool in the forest
So wrote the immortal Bard,
He lived upon the tourist,
And measured his feet by the yard. 13 P

Living in the woods my friend
Was gonna keep you aloof and lean
Now you wear your fur like iron
Your foot’s as big as Jethro Bodine 17 G/TVZ

You weren't your mama's only boy
But her favorite one it seems
She began to cry when you said goodbye
And went back to her Jack Links and beans 21 G/TVZ

(refrain)
All the TBRC hunters say
They could have tranquilized him any day
They only let him slip away
To keep the legend alive I suppose. 25 G/TVZ

Lefty he can't sing the blues
He’s agitated by the size of his shoes
and choking on dander from Bigfoot’s fur
that ended up in Lefty's mouth." 29 G/TVZ
(repeat refrain)

Preening his fur by the fire,
A careless move on his part.
Fur balls sparked by the pyre,
He must now wear a wig to the mart. 33 G

Go back to the heath
and snort some ale
conjure up more lines
so we may continue this tale. 37 G

To be or not to be bewigged.
To walk, or travel round well horsed,
(That line had to be re-jigged
to rhyme with intercoursed) 41 P


.

That will all be published someday.

1000 years from now, they'll be looking back in admiration at the skill of the writers.

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)

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Yes, a great start! I bet that was a popular spot on the line.

Did they call hooters hooters in those days?

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Did they call hooters hooters in those days?

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Or flubbly jubblies? I love the sound of that word, it's so evocative. :)

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Did they call hooters hooters in those days?

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Interesting question.
Gbrekken might be able to reveal a little more on that.
The terms of endearment that I recall...knockers, inflated jibs or spinnakers.

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Originally Posted by Silas Thorne

Or flubbly jubblies? I love the sound of that word, it's so evocative. :)

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Mr. Thorne!
By God if anyone can help weave our tail, it is Mr. Thorne!
Bring this man a drink
and let him think

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I'm very confused. Which topic are we on again? My mind has stuck on the broken record of Mamory. Is this the creation of some limerick on the wonder of the mountains? Or on wondrous mountains?

Looking down, we see the mountains,
above is sky.

Something Jocky started regarding gigantopithicus.
He'll have to explain, but don't hold your breath waiting; Jocky sleeps a lot.

.

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Originally Posted by jocky

Now, don't get me wrong here but the truth has to be told. Now I have to admit I don't believe in God or Gods but there is a malevolent being out there. This may be dualistic thinking but I am not so sure. How come every time I press my trousers the milk bottle falls on the crease and when I try to shave it is a scrape because sonny boy has been using my razor ? There may be more to this than meets the eye.

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You think you have it bad, Jocky, imagine having projections from your chest that knock the milk jug over when you eat....you men have it made:smilielol5:

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

What you say has merit Jocky. I too have noticed a conspiricy of inanimate (supposedly) objects to confound my simple desires:- The piece of toast that lands butter side down, the pound coin that rolls under the sofa, the TV remote that lays just out of reach. They claim of course to be merely following the laws of physics, but I know better.

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And everyone wonders why I eat with a row of paper towels attached to my neck; wearing nothing but my skivvies:D

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

Sympathies. A week, or maybe two, of penitence looms. Exrtra housework, kindly words and smiles rebuffed. Perhaps an unscheduled holiday, or an expensive item of jewellery. Maybe a candlelit dinner.

Of course this may be anathema to the Jocksman, who may decide to sweat it out. :D

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You see, gentlemen, this is why Paul is able to get the Mrs. to come out to the fields with him on the weekend.:thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by gbrekken

petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)

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I never realized how suggestive those sitcom titles were...I think the females should bath in the creek; imagine brushing your teeth one day and finding a press on nail or worse...:ack2:

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Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Something Jocky started regarding gigantopithicus.
He'll have to explain, but don't hold your breath waiting; Jocky sleeps a lot.

.

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I never realized you were such a gifted limerick writer Gilliatt....

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Did they call hooters hooters in those days?

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I think in those days, eyes and owls were known as hooters:smilielol5:

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

You think you have it bad, Jocky, imagine having projections from your chest that knock the milk jug over when you eat....you men have it made:smilielol5:

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Most blokes dream of waking up with that problem!

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I never realized how suggestive those sitcom titles were...I think the females should bath in the creek; imagine brushing your teeth one day and finding a press on nail or worse...:ack2:

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:smilielol5:

No, they filled the engine from the pool tank, not the drinking jugs.

I'd have to say, with those three swimming in it, I'd have no problem drinking it!