Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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12-12-2010, 01:45 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Now, don't get me wrong here but the truth has to be told. Now I have to admit I don't believe in God or Gods but there is a malevolent being out there. This may be dualistic thinking but I am not so sure. How come every time I press my trousers the milk bottle falls on the crease and when I try to shave it is a scrape because sonny boy has been using my razor ? There may be more to this than meets the eye.

:lol:

That's that Irish bastard Murphy!
12-12-2010, 02:04 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

:lol:

That's that Irish bastard Murphy!

You know me and you are buddies but I have to dissassociate myself from your comment on the entirely reasonable grounds that I have just heard that ' Apeneck Sweeney ' has applied to subscribe. Now we have got time Atheist as he is not the brightest but if he sees this, which he eventually will ,God help us. From your good mate GILLIATT. :D:D
12-12-2010, 03:05 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

There was a young dude called Gilliatt
who believed in Sasquatch and all of that
till he met Emmy Lou
whom he intercoursed in the zoo
and that was the end of the bigfoot younger brat

The last line does not work and that has devestated me, but I have introduced a new verb into the English language ' intercoursed ' it is good and you can use it in many variations. Pose, preen and soforth.

Bigfoot and Lefty
As told by Emmylou Harris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMPyd...eature=related

"Living in the woods my friend
Was gonna keep you aloof and lean
Now you wear your fur like iron
Your foot’s as big as Jethro Bodine

You weren't your mama's only boy
But her favorite one it seems
She began to cry when you said goodbye
And went back to her Jack Links and beans

(refrain)

All the TBRC hunters say
They could have tranquilized him any day
They only let him slip away
To keep the legend alive I suppose.

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/

Lefty he can't sing the blues
He’s agitated by the size of his shoes
and choking on dander from Bigfoot’s fur
that ended up in Lefty's mouth."

(repeat refrain)

.
12-12-2010, 03:27 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Bigfoot and Lefty
As told by Emmylou Harris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMPyd...eature=related

"Living in the woods my friend
Was gonna keep you aloof and lean
Now you wear your fur like iron
Your foot’s as big as Jethro Bodine

You weren't your mama's only boy
But her favorite one it seems
She began to cry when you said goodbye
And went back to her Jack Links and beans

(refrain)

All the TBRC hunters say
They could have tranquilized him any day
They only let him slip away
To keep the legend alive I suppose.

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/

Lefty he can't sing the blues
He’s agitated by the size of his shoes
and choking on dander from Bigfoot’s fur
that ended up in Lefty's mouth."

(repeat refrain)

.

And who prithee is Jethro Bodine and furthermore why are you desecrating Emmylou's lyrics? I admit your doggerel is doggone better than mine, by a long way , but at least I don't stoop to wrecking a ballad just to slip in the TBRC. Does bad literature know no peramaters? Your just green with jealousy because you never came up with ' intercoursing ' This will really get up your nose I have seen the very latest Bigfoot movie and it is a real hoot. There!

How about the Bloke's thread Shakespeare Christmas Play. It can be Tragedy or Comedy or what you will.

First Clown: Marry, methinks I see a ... nay I know not what, methinks it is nine times three doubly, doubly rebounded! What ho a stranger comes hence. Aside ... Cease thy damned knocking. Softly, away, away....(Follow that)......
12-12-2010, 06:11 PM
prendrelemick

I met a fool in the forest
So wrote the immortal Bard,
He lived upon the tourist,
And measured his feet by the yard.

How about, Hamlet vs Othello -This time it's personal!
12-12-2010, 06:21 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I met a fool in the forest
So wrote the immortal Bard,
He lived upon the tourist,
And measured his feet by the yard.

How about, Hamlet vs Othello -This time it's personal!

Go to, Go to. As long as no one mentions the Mobbled Queen. :)

You realise, of course, that there is better than an even chance that the Bard was Scottish. Hume, Adam Smith, Burns and perhaps, maybe Shakespeare and where does that leave you? Jeffrey Archer, Kane and nae Able. No matter!
12-12-2010, 08:03 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

You realise, of course, that there is better than an even chance that the Bard was Scottish.

Did he play for Hawick?
12-12-2010, 08:28 PM
jocky

Aye, and apparently he was a left footer , but this is just hearsay you understand. However in my humble opinion no one could have written The Scottish Play ( Wiki leaks could be hacking in ) without the necessary inside info. You know Mick he gets very touchy about these things. Just another wee point to finish with. We are trying to pass a law which states categorically that no rugby team from whatsover nation are allowed to enact the HAKA and fear us to death before the match at Murrayfield. This applies to all nations to whomsover this may refer to. :)
12-12-2010, 08:46 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

How about the Bloke's thread Shakespeare Christmas Play. It can be Tragedy or Comedy or what you will.

First Clown: Marry, methinks I see a ... nay I know not what, methinks it is nine times three doubly, doubly rebounded! What ho a stranger comes hence. Aside ... Cease thy damned knocking. Softly, away, away....(Follow that)......2

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I met a fool in the forest
So wrote the immortal Bard,
He lived upon the tourist,
And measured his feet by the yard.6

Preening his fur by the fire,
A careless move on his part.
Fur balls sparked by the pyre,
He must now wear a wig to the mart. 10

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

And who prithee is Jethro Bodine and furthermore why are you desecrating Emmylou's lyrics? I admit your doggerel is doggone better than mine, by a long way , but at least I don't stoop to wrecking a ballad just to slip in the TBRC. Does bad literature know no peramaters? Your just green with jealousy because you never came up with ' intercoursing ' This will really get up your nose I have seen the very latest Bigfoot movie and it is a real hoot. There!

Haha - touche. I bow to your originality and apparent youth based on the new avatar and signoff quote!

Jethro Bodine; a quintessential Hillbilly and highly underrated American icon:

(the first minute or so is enough)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5aNn...eature=related
12-12-2010, 09:17 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Preening his fur by the fire,
A careless move on his part.
Fur balls sparked by the pyre,
He must now wear a wig to the mart. 10

Haha - touche. I bow to your originality and apparent youth based on the new avatar and signoff quote!

Jethro Bodine; a quintessential Hillbilly and highly underrated American icon:

(the first minute or so is enough)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5aNn...eature=related

Listen I loved Ma, Pa and Jethro as much as the next man, but Ellie May was something to behold. As to you awarding me a straight 2, you might have made it a 2 and a half. As to giving Mick a 6 you will only encourage him. Remember I can only go up and he has got to go down. Swings and roundabouts Old chap, swings and roundabouts. Damn I might get a 1. You fly git you awarded yourself a 10. Gilliatt is not playing with a straight bat and I am demanding a 4 by 4 ruling.
12-12-2010, 09:33 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

... As to you awarding me a straight 2, you might have made it a 2 and a half. As to giving Mick a 6 you will only encourage him. Remember I can only go up and he has got to go down. Swings and roundabouts Old chap, swings and roundabouts. Damn I might get a 1. You fly git you awarded yourself a 10.

No, no... those are the stanza(?)/ line(?) counts.
You know...the little numbers off to the side of poems.
If we are to construct this monumental piece, then we must have reference points along the way. Sort of like breaking twigs along the trail, or wedging fur in bark.
Your first entry had two lines, Mick's - 4, etc.

Go back to the heath
and snort some ale
conjur up more lines
so we may continue this tale.

.
12-12-2010, 09:56 PM
jocky

:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

No, no... those are the stanza(?)/ line(?) counts.
You know...the little numbers off to the side of poems.
If we are to construct this monumental piece, then we must have reference points along the way. Sort of like breaking twigs along the trail, or wedging fur in bark.
Your first entry had two lines, Mick's - 4, etc.

Go back to the heath
and snort some ale
conjur up more lines
so we may continue this tale.

.

:D Pretty cool and I do agree that The Ancient Mariner uses this marginal system, but I am still demanding my 4 by 4 ruling. Only Atheist can arbitrate this even though he will not have a scooby what I am on about. Higher powers Gilly , higher powers.
12-12-2010, 10:31 PM
gbrekken

hALF A ZILLION Subjects in 30 secs. orvless more in tyhe a.m here

i love murphy!

longer story later, but what's the cricket eqivalent of hitting/batting a homerun?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

:D

:D Pretty cool and I do agree that The Ancient Mariner uses this marginal system, but I am still demanding my 4 by 4 ruling. Only Atheist can arbitrate this even though he will not have a scooby what I am on about. Higher powers Gilly , higher powers.

i like the works.
12-12-2010, 10:54 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

hALF A ZILLION Subjects in 30 secs. orvless more in tyhe a.m here

i love murphy!

longer story later, but what's the cricket eqivalent of hitting/batting a homerun?

:D I am just away to my kip but I feel it is My Scottish duty to intervene before Mick of the Vale gets in. Kevin Peterson as he only hits centuries in the Ashes, which only happens bi-annually. I hope that cleared things up to no ones satisfaction, but it was a fine intervention . Howzat! :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

hALF A ZILLION Subjects in 30 secs. orvless more in tyhe a.m here

i love murphy!

longer story later, but what's the cricket eqivalent of hitting/batting a homerun?

O.K I will hang around for a few more nana-seconds for the Murphy story, but it better be good as you know I have a 4x4 hearing first thing in the morning. Feet tapping I am waiting, this better be good.......

Gbrekken, you just did that intentionally while you are googling all the Murphy stories. That is it, this is a clear, murky wind up. Goodnight! :)
12-13-2010, 03:44 AM
prendrelemick

Jocky, I can't help noticing that while we Gentlemen of England are abed and holding our manhoods cheaply, you seem to be reluctant to go up. I hope mrs Jocky isn't making unreasonable demands.

To be or not to be bewigged.
To walk, or travel round well horsed,
(That line had to be re-jigged
to rhyme with intercoursed)