Ah, sorry. The last one in the sequence. 900 days of winterQuote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
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Ah, sorry. The last one in the sequence. 900 days of winterQuote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
deryk, I'm relieved you were referring to 900 days of winter and not the one I deleted. There are autobio elements in it so your kind words touched me, thanks again
aw Bar you are so sweet. I deleted it almost immediately and hoping no one saw it. In read back it was all over the map, there are two poems in it, and the whole thing is so depressing I couldn't stand it. I should know better not to post anything while I'm sick, it clearly shows my diminished creative/critical judgement. On the other hand, it was a personal poem and your comment is deeply appreciatedQuote:
Originally Posted by Bar22do
That said, I'm writing a fun one, I hope it works... stay tuned
All that is right, but it still was a heartfelt, well written poem, and your judgment too hard... anyway, let's forget about it since it's your wish; and it looks as though you've recovered! (since a fun poem is on the way!Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
Best regards from me!
exit strategy
I don’t feel dressed unless
my toe nails are colored
in high gloss funeral black
when my feet sink
into the ghost white carpet
they look like ten onyx beads
fallen from a broken rosary
I’ll sidestep your charade
my misgivings I’ll leave
on my side of the bed
Verse 2 is a killer! The imagery is so strong.
And in the final line of the last verse the reference to "my side of the bed" looks innocuous at first reading but is very potent.
Here it's again, thanks, and it's even better!!! (not because less pessimistic...) kudos indeed! the ghost white carpet with its ten beads is such a powerful image.
Best, ar
Add me to the list on this last one. Wow! Short like a pocket knife.
Thanks Prince, Bar and Fire.
Bar, this poem wouldn't be here again without your earlier feedback which I appreciated very much. So you did see the very first version, argh. Yes, less pessimistic, I didn't feel it needs all that garbage in the end.
Fire, your pocket knife simile blew me away. We were so on the same page. There were 3 extra lines but I decided to lose them, they belong as another poem. Had I kept them, the poem would read as follows:
Quote:
exit strategy
I don’t feel dressed unless
my toe nails are colored
in high gloss funeral black
when my feet sink
into the ghost white carpet
they look like ten onyx beads
fallen from a broken rosary
I’ll sidestep your charade
my misgivings I’ll leave
on my side of the bed
freedom
a double-edged sword
now within reach
Ah, ah, and if you only could decide to change your avatar as well... (follows a deep sigh, not a behest!)
You mean a less haunting avatar? Not going to happen my dear Bar ;)
Oh Haunted. Masterpiece of memorable images. You were right to lose those last three lines the lily needed no more gilding. I loved it.
so glad you agree as well. *clang*
*clang* and kudos to you dear haunted
those three words
so I have this idea for a poem...
yet versions after versions went into the proverbial waste basket. I failed terribly.
then I got to thinking...why don’t YOU write it?
A Haunted Poetry Contest
...
I must admit, the title gave me expectations for an allegory of current events, but I decided that I was trying too hard. It's very vivid and painstaking. I'm still unpacking the possibilities. Well done.Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted