OK Folks, this round of submissions is now closed so thanks to everyone who's entered. there are some really great poems here so I've got my work cut out to pick a winner. I'll post the results tomorrow.
H
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OK Folks, this round of submissions is now closed so thanks to everyone who's entered. there are some really great poems here so I've got my work cut out to pick a winner. I'll post the results tomorrow.
H
Well these are all very good poems and choosing a winner hasn’t been easy. The bird in question was mooching around within the wards of a dilapidated medieval French castle. It rained quite a lot, if I remember rightly, but it didn’t seem to dampen his pavonic enthusiasm for display.
Pen: I really liked your drawing the analogy between the ostentatious bird and a guy hanging out in a bar, and better yet, a flasher :D I do think you could tighten it a bit here and there though.
hill: Great piece, I loved the humour in your poem and it was a fun read, but the metre stumbled a bit in S4. However, I loved the way you wound it up. :D
DM: I really enjoyed your approach to the subject interweaving the theme of 5 of the deadly sins into reflections upon past conquests with the introduction to the narrator revealing his own hubris. In fact I think the flaw here is that you start in 3rd person and switch to 1st person narrative. And then you conclude back in 3rd person. But as all use I as the voice of the narrator, it’s a bit confusing.
There is some blurring of the individual subject’s possession of the particular vices, as they seem to overlap in a couple of places, but I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing for the poem. Many of the cardinal sins may be grouped together under ‘lustful appetite’. Interestingly you state in the closing stanza that the narrator envies not, so the 7th vice is included but not exercised. Nice twist. But I’m not sure whether you mean woes or woos (if woos, I think it should be wooing)
maz: Your entry started well in the first stanza with a rattling rhythm and humour which was echoed in the second although the metre stumbled a bit here, and never really recovered. It’s a good poem, but a little inconsistent.
autolycus: You wrote a nice, crisp little poem, but I felt the forced rhymes let it down a bit grammatically, but it was a good interpretation of subject matter.
b/v as always you wrote a fantastic poem but I felt you were taunting my preference for rhyme. I can see you in your ivory tower crafting this and thnking, “Hawk’s judging this; I dare him not to pick mine just because the last word isn’t splat!” :D So sadly you haven’t won, but you get a highly commended. :thumbsup:
Delta: I didn’t think your comment was really an entry, but I loved the story :D
But the winner is:
:hurray: YesNo. Your entry just made me bark with laughter out loud when I read it. It’s a nice, tight, fun package of humour. It may not be the best poem in the world but on this occasion it’s my favourite. So, congratulations to you - and commiserations to everyone else. Don’t feel hard done by – all the entries are worthy, and judgement is subjective.
Thank you all for taking part.
Live and be well – Hawk.
Well done, YesNo.
Hawk - You can rest assured I wasn't 'taunting' you via the medium of poetry. That the rhyme scheme is somewhat haphazard has more to do with the short period of time in which the poem was written, rather than anything more sinister (although I suppose there's a compliment in there somewhere that you consider me skilled enough to be able to pull something like that off).
And as for the ivory tower, that's an area of the house I no longer frequent as it is currently occupied by my pet bear in homage to Byron.
But thanks for providing the inspiration for this poem; I'll keep working on it - it's only two lines off a sonnet...
Congrats..you wrote a really good poem, the best of all after I read it now!! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Thank you! :)
That means I need to look for a picture for the next contest. And figure out how to upload it.
I'll try to have it ready by tomorrow.
Here is an image for the next contest.
My daughter picked it out thinking it was cute. After all the cropping and zooming in, it is a little blurry. My only excuse for that was a pair of parent swans making sure I kept my distance.
Deadline: January 7, 2011
http://www.online-literature.com/for...pictureid=8352
Congratulations YesNo - your poem was indeed a gem (and you had some stiff competition this month so very well done).
H
Thanks, Hillwalker! The competition was so stiff I didn't expect to win, but glad nonetheless.Quote:
Originally Posted by hillwalker
So what do you think of those two cute little swans my daughter liked?
Well, they're nothing like 'ugly ducklings' in the famous children's story. What a cheeky pair!Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
H
Congrats YesNo! We had one bird last time, and now we have two... it's almost like the twelve days of Christmas! :)
They look so cute as they sail across the pond
Fuzzy and warm despite the weather
What we humans never see
Is their legs kicking like mad
To keep the goslings afloat
Whatever the surface of the water does
Smooth and glassy or white with foam
Thanks, autolycus! Maybe next time there will be 3 birds.
I enjoyed your submission, pendragon. Thanks!
We follow blindly
across the lake
our mother,
for we have nothing
for protection
from the evils
of the world,
foxes
tomcats
and worst of all
the big people
loud
and terrifying.
Killjoy!
'Bob, I am frightened'
'What's wrong, Sally?'
'I am worried about humans, Bob',
'But there aren't any humans around,'
'Bob, You may be right but who knows?'
'What do you mean, Sally, be explicit.'
' I am explicit , Bob, but you don't seem to understand.'
'Really?'
'Look Bob, we have to fear Humans, not the beasts'
'Why? they are equally dangerous!'
'Nay, my Bobby dear, the beasts are straight'.
'Oh, Sally dear, you are being philosophic. Be clear, please''
'Bob, I do not fear beasts
because they kill only when they're hungry
but human, Oh, no, Bob, no....I get scared of them!"
'Well, Sally, both beasts and humans kill so what's the fuss about?'
'Try to understand, Bob, it is easy to survive among beasts, isn't it?
Aren't we already surviving among them?''
"Yes, we do but how on earth did these humans get on your nerves?? ''
''My sixth sense, Bob, I detest humans because they kill
for fun's sake and we are so alone and unsafe'
''I know but what do they have to with us,
we are only innocent little ones.''
'Ha, humans don't care about such things,
they kill indiscriminately for pleasure,
they will kill us too.''
''Oh, no, Sally, you are being extra-apprehensive,
get out of your phobia because
there is no sign of a human here!''
'I know they are not here but can you be ever sure?
Humans are a step ahead of beasts
and I am getting worried about YOU;
They will appear from nowhere and,
unlike the beasts, kill us both
with one stone!
Thanks for the entries, moonbird and mazHur! We humans can be the scariest of all.
Only a few days left to write a poem about these lovely baby swans!
Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
Thanks, Pendragon, moonbird and mazHur, for your entries! I enjoyed them all.
Pendragon shows us that there is more beneath the surface of "cute" that we are not likely aware of even if it is just the kicking of legs.
moonbird warns of the terrors, especially from humans, as the young swans cross the lake unprotected following their mother.
mazHur gets these two little swans discussing terrors caused by humans and whether humans are worse than the beasts because they would kill for pleasure.
They are all good. Thank you again!
But I must pick a winner. It is mazHur.
I liked the ending where the clinching point in the argument between the two swans was that the humans could kill them both "with one stone".
Congratulations! :hurray:
Thank you very much, YesNo, for your decision which I appreciate.Quote:
Originally Posted by YesNo
One more thing about my poem: Apart from your observations I tried to
relay the subtle feelings of altruism that Sally possessed for Bob in that she was concerned more about Bob's life than her own!
Here's the picture for the next contest:)
http://www.salon.com/news/politics/w...y/md_horiz.jpg
Congratulations mazHur but is there a larger version of this image anywhere?
sorry, I don't have the larger version but you can always 'zoom in'' for a larger view.:)Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDave
Briefly, the picture shows an old man (outside the tent) looking after his ill mother (inside the tent) in a refugee camp!
Congrats, mazHur, and cool pic choice! :)
Thank you very much:) You are welcome!Quote:
Originally Posted by moonbird
the dirt is everywhere
on our skin
in our water
woven into our clothing
stamped onto our callused feet
gritty in our teeth
it creeps into our home
through gaps and slits
the more we sweep out
the more comes in
to take its place
it brings little creatures
ugly and black
that live in our hair
nest in our beds
feasting on blood
as we sleep
we don't try to run
not anymore
for we have learned
there is no escape from
its scratch
its poison
its nagging
its spite
for we are no match
for dirt
Nice one, mazHur
What do you do when it all falls apart,
Your country, your friends, and your life
When the party is over and you come up empty
Is there any more reason to fight
It makes me feel sad to see such desolation
Breaks my heart to know they have lost it all
But it makes me feel proud to know against all odds
Somehow, someway life goes on
You can take away all that makes life worthwhile
Destroy the whole picture it seems
But you'll never vanquish the flame of human spirit
Nor demolish human hopes and their dreams
Life at its best is a vapor in the wind
But the candle still burns bright in our dreams
Pendragon
From the Ruins There is Hope
Is this it
the worlds end
balanced upon that precarious edge,
ruinous.
Time measured
only in nights
and days
and only the sunrise
is beautiful
but the stars have never
been more.
In solitude
where even the echoes die
and rain has never been
more welcomed,
dancing in an unexpected
moment of freedom touched.
Alone to think
uninterrupted
with a mind no longer
bothered by the clutter,
no longer deaf to the low
tremors hum
which the earth sings
only waiting
to be heard again.
Among all the death
feel again the pulse
of life and once again
a mans heart will beat
in harmony with the world.
While there is life there is the possibility of joy;
We have to be somewhere,
Where the minutes and days
Bleed into our emptiness.
We have each other,
And the need to remain;
Be still for a while;
Let time have its way.
Do not worry,
For he pulse still runs strong;
We have each other;
Through this we shall endure.
I sit. I wait.
I meditate.
There's nothing else to do.
The tent might fall.
The water's all
I'd have to give to you.
But you are gone.
I linger on
Since life does what it will.
I don't know why
You had to die.
I'm waiting for you still.
Please Come Back To Yesterday
Please come back to yesterday, that sunny day
And try to stay, to make much more breathing space
For this land of suffering
To wake the sleeping people
And to take the olds to their children
The children to their parents
And to give a hint, to all who don’t know the truth
They do not aspire to the paradise of the other side
They only love their home-place
Where they own estates left by their ancestors
They have lovely children and tender wives
And there are heavens for children growing up happily
Even if they were doomed to be forever abandoned
I beg you, the noble Chronos
Come back again to yesterday
Come back to that spring day
Let them take a good look at their beautiful place
And the olds a last look at the sun rising
And the children sit in the classroom obediently
And for the last time
Let the men hug their wives gently
And the women give warmth to their families
To give strength to the lonelies
To bring consolation to those who are suffering
You even can tell all, who is going to be discarded
What waiting for them
Is a heaven of eternal happiness
Thank y'all for submitting such beautiful poesy, I am really impressed by going through all the great variety of thoughts forwarded. Seems it's going to be a tough for me to decide the winner!!:)
I think last date for submissions be marked as 15th Feb. to allow time to more good poets for participating in the contest.
best
Hi folks!
Thanks to y'all for submitting your beautiful works for the contest and keep the 'thread' rolling!:)
It's high time that I announced the result.
moonbird--a nice well- concentrated thought from the beginning to the end.
Pendragon-- a nicely composed poem stating straight facts of life.
Dark Muse--a well composed idea..yes, from ruins there's hope, indeed.
jajdude-- nice poem auguring good times ahead.
YesNo-- nice composition portraying patience and hope.
yuka-- sentiments very nicely portrayed.
I think the real tie is between jajude and YesNo- submissions by both of them are precise and very close to idea behind the picture. Decision is difficult but I have to choose one of them as the winner,,,,and the winner is
Do not worry,
For he pulse still runs strong;
We have each other;
Through this we shall endure.
jajdude!
Congrats!:) Let us have your picture plz!
Congrads jajdude! :iagree:
Thank you, friend:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Congratulations, jajdude! I'm looking forward to the next picture!
Congradulations, Jajdude, also looking forward to your picture
Congrats jajude! :)
Thanks. Been away a few days. Just returned to China (from Canada, long flight) to start a new job.
Not sure how to post a picture. Guess I can find out.
There are two different ways you can post a picture. If you find a picture you like online you can right click on the picture, and this box should pop up that says properties are the bottom, and if you click on that, it will give the URL address for the picture, and copy that, than in your comment box in lit net click on the insert image icon and past the web address for the picture into the box that will pop up and than click ok.
Or if you want to use a picture saved on your computer, to post it on lit not scroll down to where it says manage attachments click on that, and than click on browse choose the image in your saved files on your computer, and than click upload.
Well the picture turned out ok, bigger than I knew. But there you have it. Thanks.
..perhaps could make it smaller? or just use "zoom" ;;;
Jim waits for her. The overpass
Lets walkers cross the busy street.
He met her once in someone's class.
This is the last time they might meet.
The cars are busy down below
And keep his mind off other things
Like did he love her. Watch them go.
He knows before his cell phone rings.
She's sorry she won't meet him there.
Hey, that's OK. He understands.
Flights scatter people everywhere:
One takes off, another lands.
From up above their lives pass by
As fast as cars. No time to waste,
But even so Jim wonders why
There's any need for any haste.