oh that is great. reminds me of my little stepbrother and the hours he spent telling me such jokes. Of course I was too old and too cool for t hem, but whenever he left the room I laughed despite myself.
Printable View
oh that is great. reminds me of my little stepbrother and the hours he spent telling me such jokes. Of course I was too old and too cool for t hem, but whenever he left the room I laughed despite myself.
Old Soviet joke:
Brezhvev came to US and asked Nixon :"What is the secret, why is US doing so well?"
Nixon answered that he has very good advisers. He sent for Henry Kissinger and asked him a riddle: "A son of your father, but not your brother". Kissinger thought for a while and answered: "That's me".
Brezhnev was really impressed and when he came home, he asked Gromiko(USSR foreign minister) the same question: "A son of your father but not your brother". Gromiki thought for a really long time and said that he doesn't know the answer. "Dumbass",- told him Brezhnev- "That's Henry Kissinger".
Excellent one Boris.I am sure Andre Gromiko would have laughed himself silly.
Hey you are a fountain of jokes, more please. they are great.
a silly one:
A girl calling to the radio station:
I found the wallet yesterday with 10000$ and there also was an id with name of John Smith. Please put some really good song for John
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
You Must Be A Riot At A Party! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbs_up
when you spend really a lot of time with your friends, after a while they unfortunately know most of your jokes. Although my knowledge is reasonably extensive, this already happens. It's nice to tell jokes to someone new- they won't tell you: "you've already told me that one a while ago".
Here is a long one about men and women:
Smart man+ smart woman= light flirt
Smart man+ stupid woman= unwed mother
Stupid man+ smart woman= normal family
A man will pay 2$ for a 1$ thing if he needs it
A woman will pay 1$ for a 2$ thing if she doesn't need it
A woman worries about her future until she gets married
A man never worries about his future until he gets married
A succesful man is a man who earns more money than his wife can spend
A succesful woman is a woman who can find such a husband
To find happiness with man, you must understand him a lot and love him a bit.
To find happiness with a woman, you must love her a lot and not evn try to understand her
A woman marries with the hope that the man will change, but he doesn't
A man marries with the hope that a woman won't change, but she does.
A woman has always the last word in a quarrel.
Any word said after that by a man is the beginning of the new quarrel
Heeheehee...:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Boris239
Once the devil decided to challange heaven to a baseball game.
"You are wasting your time, Satan." God replied. "How could you possibly win? Too many of the great ball players are up here."
"How could I possibly loose?" The devil replied. "All the great umpires are down here!" :D :lol:
Good one. Although I doubt that all the good ball players are up there.
A similar to Pen's:
A young couple died in an accident just before the marriage. When they came to heaven, they told God that they want to be married. God told them to come to him in 3 weeks. So they did and got married. After a while they decided that they want to divorce and came to God with their request. "What",- shouted God, '"I spent 3 weeks to find a priest here. I can not imagine how much time will take to find a lawyer in Heaven"
Another heaven and hell joke.
Bill Gate dies in a car accident, as he comes before God, he addresses him:
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell.
After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95.
I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?" Bill asked.
"I'll leave that up to you." God replied.
"Okay then," said Bill, "let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of long-legged women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great," he told God. "If this is hell, I really want to see Heaven."
"Fine," said God, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, beautiful and sunny, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God.
"Fine," replied God, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma no matter how loud he screamed.
"How's everything going?" He asked Bill.
Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and tormented disappointment. "This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this is happening. What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the long-legged women playing in the water?"
"Oh," God said, "that was the demo."
Hey everyone I've got this old soviet joke:
Soviet party orders an artist to paint a picture called "Lenin is in Paris" as comrade V.I.Lenin is soon returning from his political trip to France.
"But I have never been to Paris, how can I draw it???" - replies the artist confused
"It is an order of soivet party and our comrades, if you love your motherland you will paint "Lenin is in Paris"" - replies the party member
After a few days officials meet Lenin who's just came back from Paris and proceed into a big hall. In a few minutes party member orders his comrades to bring the picture into the hall. The picture is brought in and everyone turns amazed and silent as the artist painted Lenin's wife in bed with another man.
Party members: "But where's comrade Lenin???"
The Artist: "Lenin is in Paris"
Going back to Soviet:
Afterv Americans landed on the Moon, Brezhnev decided that in order to supersede them Soviet astronauts must land on the Sun. The astronauts: "But Leonid Il'ich, it's way too hot on the Sun- it's impossible"
Brezhnev- "Do not think that the Party is stupid. You will land at night"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can't even make a comment, that is too funny, and also, I supidly wrote on my profile the city I live in. I am still nervous about KGB!
Boris, I insist, in September when it is my birthday I am extending you an invite. You shall be honored guest and believe me, none of my friends have heard any of your jokes. they will be in agony from stomachaches!
Smoke that was excellent.
I think, kidding aside, that Russia, what is left of it, is one of the most magnificent places on earth.
Boris, do you play professional soccer or for your corporation or what?
Thanks for the invite, Rachel!!
Don't worry- there is no KGB anymore. Of course, there is some other organization, but it's not as powerful as KGB was.
Russia is a very beautiful country, especially my home city- St. Petersburg. Unfortunately the life of most Russians is pretty difficult, but it's slowly getting better from what I heard from my friends who are still there.
I don't play professional soccer, just play with my friends+ participate in some friendly tournaments. My future occupation will be much more mundane- I'll be getting my Masters in Math next semester(hopefully)
Another anekdote about unfaithful couples- there is a huge number of them
One guy talks to his friend: "My wife is such a whore. I specifically sent her a telegram when I'm returning from my trip. And what do you think? I came home and she was having sex with some guy". Then he thinks for a while: "Maybe she is not a whore, maybe she just hasn't received the telegram".